For nearly 30 years, I've been convinced that if only I had a boyfriend, all of my problems would be solved. Everything. I'd be deliriously happy, and everything else would just fall into its rightful place.
So far, life hasn't worked out that way.
I've had boyfriends. I've even been happy with some of them. But it never really seemed to resolve things in other aspects of my life.
I also think that this delusion of mine has kept me from getting the most out of my relationships. I've gotten it in my head that having a boyfriend is the solution, so that every time a new man came into my life, I was convinced that HE was the solution. I fell too fast, and in most cases let my clouded ideals blind me to what was really going on. Every time a relationship ended, or a date didn't go well, I would tell myself that he wasn't the key to the puzzle. It'll be the next one.
It never was. And it never will be.
My most recent failure has taught me that it's not about the boyfriend. I've managed to find happiness on my own, without the man. I've got a pretty good thing going on lately, and none of it has to do with the fact that a guy just blew me off last week. It's other things, all adding up. I'm making myself a better person, and I'm loving myself for it. For once, I'm truly making things all about me.
Maybe someday, eventually, I will find a guy who fits into my life. When that happens (if that happens), I will embrace it. But I won't let the next guy who comes along ruin what I've found for myself, unless he proves himself to be just what I need.
I have a new mantra. No longer will my foolish fairy-tale notions rule my life. It's not worth it. My heart is worth more than that.
Movie Joker
5 years ago
Posts
PREACH IT!!! And you know what? The right guy won't ruin what you've found for yourself, either - that's part of what makes him the right guy.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to your 30s, my dear: the end of self-inflicted drama. I'm telling ya.
Thanks, Beth!
ReplyDeleteI blame Disney! Of course, I love Disney, but I also very much recognize that it's movies like those which made me feel that a man was the solution. I mean, really! Ariel left her home, her family, and the life she knew, and she even changed her physical appearance for a man. Plus, it was the man who saved her from Ursula. Snow White was DEAD until a man kissed her. Sleeping Beauty was cursed until a man came and saved her. Couldn't these women do anything for themselves????
ReplyDeleteI know it sounds cliche, but the right guy will come along as soon as you truly stop looking. He'll just happen to wander by one day, and everything will work out. You'll know he's the right guy because he'll enhance all the wonderful things you've made for yourself. Things won't be perfect, and there certainly won't be the stereotypical fairy tale ending, but they will be worth the wait.
I'm glad things are going fairly well for you now. Keep it up!
I once read this...and I thought it was very good and have kept it close to my heart.
ReplyDeleteYour job is not to find love - your job is to realize and remove any barriers preventing love from coming in.
Hugs Becky.
Good for you!
ReplyDeleteFor nearly 30 years, I've been convinced that if only I had a boyfriend, all of my problems would be solved. Everything. I'd be deliriously happy, and everything else would just fall into its rightful place.
ReplyDeleteThis is funny because if you replace "I had a boyfriend" with "was thin" - it's pretty much been what I've convinced myself of. And probably missed out on a number of opportunities because of it.
Great post! -Mandi