Monday, July 20, 2015

Seeking Happy

I used to think that I would be happy if I had a boyfriend.

But I was fat. Fat girls don't get boyfriends, right? That was why I never had one for more than a couple months, and why I would go years in between guys.

I would be prettier if I lost weight. I would get a boyfriend if I lost weight. I could finally be happy if I lost weight. This was what I told myself.

So I tried and tried. I lost some pounds here, some pounds there, but then I found them again, and they brought friends. I got even more fat.

Then, I realized that a boyfriend wasn't the answer. I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. I have a family. I have my friends. Why do I need a man when I have myself and my cat? I'm already pretty.

I started to make changes in my life. I bought a car. I bought a condo.

I began to feel happy.

But I also started to have some health problems. So I talked to a doctor. Maybe if I tried losing weight for different reasons, it would be a different experience. Maybe it could have different results.

I began to eat more fruits and vegetables. I went on walks. I stopped drinking pop and eating a lot of sugar.

I've had a boyfriend for almost 6 months.

I've lost almost 100 pounds.

I'm still sad a lot of the time. But overall, I'm happier than I was before. And it's not because I have a boyfriend and it's not because I've lost weight.

This is all a journey. I will continue to seek out the changes in life that will lead to more happy days.