Whenever I have a day off from work, I tend to think about all the things I want to get done. I'm going to do all the laundry, all the dishes, and clean every room in the apartment from top to bottom. I've got a whole extra day!
It's now 5:30 pm on my day off. Let's make a list of the things I've done today:
1. Slept in until 8.
2. Caught up on TV shows saved in my DVR.
3. Played Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 Platinum and reached "Tycoon" status on 3 different levels.
4. Watched 3 episodes of West Wing on Netflix.
5. Started 1 load of dishes in the dish washer.
Yeah. Not very impressive, unless you're a geek like me and impressed with my progress in a video game that's almost 10 years old. I haven't even gotten dressed.
I feel it necessary to point out that I did do ALL my laundry last weekend. So the lack of laundry today isn't as shameful as it would normally be.
But I haven't really done anything today. After this load of dishes is done, I'm going to load up the dishwasher with another load. Because there are far too many dirty dishes and they didn't all fit in the dishwasher - and I really didn't want to wash them by hand. I hate washing dishes by hand.
I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not a complete failure for my lack of accomplishment today. I needed this day off - a legitimate holiday, and not a sick day or planned vacation day. A day where I'm not stuck worrying about what's going on at work when I'm not there - because no one is there, or at least no one should be (though, knowing my coworkers, there are probably some people doing some work at home today).
But there's the other part of me, the logical side, that tells me that I'm over 30 and still stuck with the mentality of someone just out of college. I'm still thinking, "I'm an adult, I can do whatever I want." Then I wonder why I haven't evolved past this cookie-dough-for-breakfast* frame of mind. Why haven't I grown up? Why do I have such a hard time doing more than just sitting on my butt and watching Netflix and playing video games when my job is nice enough to give me a free day off to do all those things that I know need to be done?
I think there's something wrong with me, mentally, that makes me neglect my responsibility. I don't know what it is, but there's definitely something larger at work here than just flat-out laziness. I won't deny that I'm lazy, but I also think that there's a reason for it. Lazy isn't the cause, it's the symptom. But am I just making excuses for myself? I don't know. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm so lazy and know that, somewhere inside, I just refuse to let the rest of myself see it, and I make these excuses.
Either way, whatever it is, I didn't get much done today. But now it's time to feed the cat. That I will do.
*I did not actually have cookie dough for breakfast today. I had a bowl of cereal. And it wasn't even a kid cereal!