Things You Really Didn't Want to Know

The Misery of Neil Patrick Harris

2012-01-04T18:38:00.000-06:00

Have you read Steven King's "Misery"? Have you seen the movie? I haven't. But I know the subject matter.

See that chap in the picture up there? His name is Neil Patrick Harris. I brought him home a few weeks ago. What followed was a series of Facebook status updates about NPH locked in the TV room in my basement. To the uninformed reader, it seemed like I had kidnapped the human Neil Patrick Harris, and had him hobbled and locked in my basement.

All fun-and-games aside, I've been... a frazzled kitty-mommy in these first few weeks. While he was shut up in the TV room, I was worried about his eating habits, how he was constantly hiding. Then one day after he had free reign of the house, I couldn't find him when I got home from work. I freaked out, crying like a lunatic. He was fine, just hiding in the furnace room where I never go.

He's a lot more comfortable now. He even ventures up the stairs when he's feeling brave. Of course, he's kind of become attached to me. He meows a lot. He actually comes when I call him (sometimes he takes his time, but sometimes he comes running). He likes being petted.

He's a strange cat. He has no interest in catnip, but he has been known to chase his tail. I've seen it happen. He seems to get sad and upset when I'm not paying attention to him. It's like I got a fluffy cat-shaped puppy that knows how to use a litter box. But he does purr a lot. I like the purring.

I like having a cat. It's nice to have a pet and a companion. But it's still new. I'm still getting used to it. But I'm happy.

I'm already in love with the Neil Patrick Harris who lives in my basement.

Writing Update

2011-12-14T18:00:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a while. Blogger sure has changed since I last posted in here!

All right. Remember how I was doing that whole writing-a-novel thing back in November? November is done and gone, and I emerged triumphantly with the first draft of a mediocre novel. Hooray!

Seriously, mediocre is a good thing for me. This was my 8th year participating in National Novel Writing Month, and it's the third time I've finished. It's the first time I've had a novel that I've even wanted to look at after the month was over - mediocre is the best I've achieved so far. In nearly a decade. So I'm going to take it and run with it.

I printed out the first couple chapters the other day, and I read the first two. It doesn't suck. It's not good, and it needs a ton of work, but I think I can actually do this.

For the first time, I'm going to seriously work on this thing to try to get it published. I'm actually feeling like a writer now - not just someone who wants to maybe be a writer someday. I'm a writer now. I'm going to make this thing good, I'm going to shop it around. I'll probably get a lot of rejections. But maybe someone will see the promise and give me a chance, like the guys who picked my story for the 30 Covers, 30 Days project.

Think about it - House Hunting in the Afterlife could be a real, honest-to-goodness book someday!

So I want to take this chance to say thank you to all of you, my loyal readers, for supporting me, encouraging me, for continuing to ask about my novel and word count during November. Thank you for taking an interest, and keeping me interested in my own project. It doesn't stop here. I just have a first draft. I need you all to keep encouraging me - ask me how the editing is going, ask to be one of my beta readers. I can't do this alone.

Thank you.

Inspiration

2011-11-02T20:46:00.000-05:00

Here is my motivation, my inspiration, my determination to finish my NaNoWriMo novel this year.

This is my cover:

Awesome, right?

It was designed by Scott Buschkuhl, who is a real, actual designer.

I absolutely love it. It's so perfect - now I just need to write a novel that lives up to its cover!

A New November

2011-10-31T18:34:00.000-05:00

Once again, November is upon us. Once again, I'll be writing a novel.

I'm rather excited about this one. The novel itself is interesting, and different than anything I've written before. I'm delving into the humor/satire genre for the first time. I really hope it ends up being as funny as it is in my head. We won't know until I start writing, though.

It's called "House Hunting in the Afterlife." Here's the synopsis I wrote for the National Novel Writing Month website:

A young professional looking to buy her first house goes to bed one night dreaming of vaulted ceilings and hardwood floors and wakes up to the end of the world. After a quick stop at Target to see if they have any Missoni products left, she takes the Afterlife's Parade of Eternal Homes tour. If you're going to be living in a house for the rest of time, you better make sure it's something you can stand.

As I said, I'm excited about it. Another tag line could be, "In Heaven you don't need to bathe - in Hell, you don't get to."

It's funny, right? Man, I hope so.

There's something that the powers that be at NaNoWriMo headquarters have started doing the past few years. It's a project called "30 Covers, 30 Days." The idea is that a team of professional designers create covers for 30 novels being written each November. Based solely on the title and synopsis, I submitted my name for consideration. The other day, I got an email from the head of the team who picks the novels. "House Hunting in the Afterlife" was chosen as a finalist - my title and synopsis were being sent to a designer, who is also given 2 other titles for consideration. He gets to choose which one he'll make a cover for.

He picked my novel.

I got an email today asking for some more details on the novel, but the designer is reportedly "super excited" to design a cover for me.

To put this into perspective, thousands of people participate in NaNoWriMo worldwide. Hundreds (if not thousands) of people submitted titles for consideration to the 30 Covers, 30 Days project. 30 novels are chosen in the end. One cover, one novel, each day in November. One of those is mine.

One day in November, you'll see the cover for "House Hunting in the Afterlife." I'll be sure to share it with you.

Blog Challenge: Day 5

2011-08-06T11:50:00.007-05:00

Day 5: A photo of yourself two years ago.

Yup, that's me two years ago. At least, the date the photo was uploaded to Facebook was two years ago. Actually, now that I think about it, that might be older than two years ago. How about another one?

Hmm. This is proving difficult. Two years ago was 2009. In 2009, Domo came into my life. I have a LOT of pictures of Domo. Like this one:

That was during Domo's first trip to Vegas, an he was enthralled by the Enchanted Unicorn slot machines.

Or this one:

Domo and a gorilla at the zoo in Omaha. That was his first trip with me. I found him in Omaha.

And of course, in 2009, Domo also traveled to Mexico:

He was a little paranoid about Mayan sacrifices.

Oh, and he also helped me move in 2009. Here's a picture from that:

All right, that's probably enough Domo pictures.

I'm completely amused that I took a blog post that was supposed to be all about me and turned it into a photo album of Domo around the world. I love blogging.

Blog Challenge: Day 4

2011-08-05T19:55:00.003-05:00

Day 4: Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Ok, so this one is a little awkward. I don't really want to just post a photo of my best friend without her consent - and since I don't even use names (other than my own) in this blog, I'm not going to to post her face as well. So here's her tattoo.

She's got a story behind that as well, but it's also not my place to tell that story. But it looks cool, doesn't it?

I've known her for 20 years. Since 5th grade. That's a really long time. There are few people in this world (especially if you exclude family) who I've known that long. Even fewer people if you factor in who I'm still in touch with. From those early years? In touch with very few people I've known for 20 years or more.

Normally she and I would be hanging out tonight. It is Friday, after all. But she's busy tonight. Since I don't have a car, she's usually the rock star who drives me around, even though I'm often out of her way. We usually hang out on Fridays. Fridays are fun.

Ugh. I just realized how horrible this blog post is going. It's not fun to read, is it? I'm not really having the most fun writing it. Maybe it's time I told a story about my best friend.

Back in the day (were we in high school?), we decided to write a novel together. We didn't have a plan, we didn't have a plot. We didn't even have characters - though we probably hadn't even put an entire page of writing onto paper before we had a concept and a working title: A Princess and Some Dragons. And from there, the story of Camielle and the dragons began. I would describe it as a young adult novel. We did finish it, if you can believe it. We finished the first draft and started rewrites. The file still exists somewhere on my computer, and I believe I have an old printout of one of our drafts. I was supposed to send it off to a publisher after so many years, regardless of whether or not we had finished the revisions, but I haven't done it yet.

Maybe it's time to revisit "A Princess and Some Dragons." Actually, the title ended up being "The Dragon Stone," I believe. And we were going to make it into a trilogy.

I think I have a project for the weekend...

Blog Challenge: Day 3

2011-08-04T17:21:00.002-05:00

I'm behind a day - yesterday I literally didn't have time to do my post, unless I wanted to compose it and post from my phone - and I'm really not patient enough to deal with that keyboard long enough for a blog post. So here's day 3.

Day 3 - Your idea of the perfect first date.

I've been on a LOT of first dates. A lot of them - the majority, in fact - suck.

But in order to have a perfect first date, you have to have the perfect guy. He has to be able to hold up his end of a conversation. He has to be able to pay for his small coffee at Caribou with something more substantial than the pennies from his couch cushions. He has to be dressed appropriately, and he has to show that he at least cares a little bit about personal hygiene.

Of course, the event itself does matter. I mentioned Caribou Coffee - that's not a bad place for a first date. I always like coffee shops because it satisfies the whole "public place" requirement (since I meet all my dates on the internet and you have to be safe), and I enjoy coffee. And it's nice to have something caffeinated in case your date is a snooze. It's important to do something social. A movie sounds like a good idea at first, but you never get to talk to anyone at a movie - without being an ass, anyway.

You know what would be really fun on a first date? Mini-golf. Vaguely sporty without requiring much physical exertion (minimal sweat), and plenty of opportunity to talk and get to know one another. This could especially be good if it were someone you were already friends with. There's plenty of potential for playful teasing. It would be awesome!

But I don't want to think too much about dating right now, because it just gets me down. Gotta think about other things. Like the fact that Project Runway is on tonight!

Blog Challenge: Day 2

2011-08-02T18:22:00.002-05:00

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Tomatoes. I ate tomatoes today.

They're my after-work snack today. I did not have tomatoes on my Subway sandwich today. I always look at the tomatoes before they add them to my sandwich. They looked sad and nearly white today. The Subway employee even got out another tub of tomatoes to see if any of those looked better, but they didn't. Very disappointing, considering it's tomato season right now. You'd think they could get some local produce. Eat Fresh, my ass.

I should have tried to grow tomatoes this year. Never got around to it early in the spring, and then I was sick for a month. After that, it was too late. I'd like to successfully eat something that I've grown myself, but so far that hasn't been possible. Last year, the tomato plant died due to lack of nutrients in the soil - that's the only explanation I can come up with, because it got decent sun and plenty of water. The year before (using potting soil instead of just the dirt in the ground) we got actual tomatoes on the tomato plant, but the squirrels always got to the fruit before it got ripe, and the plant never had much of a yield.

Maybe next year. Of course, I don't know where I'll be living next year. I plan to move in the spring, and I might be getting an apartment or condo that doesn't have a balcony or any sort of garden-type opportunity. But that's ok. Someday I'll get there. Someday I'll be able to eat a tomato I grew myself.

Blog Challenge: Day 1

2011-08-01T17:09:00.004-05:00

This is a 30-day Blog Challenge.

I need to work on getting back into the blog, and I think this will be the way to succeed. It's a kick in the pants.

I'm back, Blog-land!

Challenge Day 1: A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

That's me. It's laundry day. My biggest challenge today was figuring out how to take a picture with the webcam on my netbook. This picture you see is the result. That's me.

In all seriousness, though, my day was a typical Monday. Work always feels rushed on Mondays because we have a meeting in the morning - every week. It's good, really, but I never feel like there's enough time for my work. I was already a little behind because some things took longer than I expected they would at the end of last week. Very frustrating, but at the same time, I'm a better worker when I'm busy, so that's good, in the end.

The other good thing about being at work is that work is delightfully air-conditioned. I'm living in an AC-free house right now, and it's really been a rough summer. There's been a lot of humidity and heat, and it's really been wreaking havoc on my leg.

Of course, the storms came through today. I work downtown in one of the kinda-tall buildings, and I could hear the thunder. I could also hear the wind, making the building creak and squeak. It doesn't inspire confidence, but I know that the building is designed to withstand the weather. It was still raining slightly when I left the office in the afternoon, and it felt fantastic. The humidity was still there (obviously), but the temperature had really gone down. It was a nice break, but I already feel the heat creeping back up again.

So, there you have it - a boring blog post for a boring day. But that's just the way it goes. Some days are boring, right?

Hospital Living: Part 2

2011-05-11T10:15:00.002-05:00

By the time I was admitted and had a room at the hospital on Thursday, I realized that I hadn't eaten all day other than two pieces of toast, and that had been breakfast.

I'm entertained by this hospital because they call the food service "Room Service." When you get your bed, they give you a menu (unless you're on a special diet, in which case the doctors and nurses decide what you should be eating). I'm on a general diet, meaning I have no restrictions so I can eat whatever I want, and whenever I want. However! Don't try to call in your dinner order after 6:30 PM, because that's when room service stops taking orders.

Of course, I'm just starting to get settled in my room (a private room with a horrible view but decent TV), and the nurse points out that it's almost 6:30, so I should order my tray (they don't refer to it as a meal or food - aways as "your tray"). Quickly glancing at the menu, I select the lemon baked cod and small garden salad.

I wait for my food.

I'm starting to get hungry.

Suddenly my transport arrives. They want to do another ultrasound on my leg just to be sure there are no clots.

My nurse says they'll leave my tray, and it should be waiting for me when I return.

So, I mentioned a transport up there. After being admitted to the hospital, I haven't had to walk anywhere - beyond the bathroom, that is. They always bring a wheelchair. It is a good thing because I don't think I could have walked all the way to the ultrasound and back. But I didn't even have to walk to my room in the first place. A kid (who looked way too young to have a job at a hospital and way too scrawny to push around someone my size) brought a wheelchair and brought me to my room.

Anyway, back to the ultrasound. Under normal circumstances, they probably wouldn't hurt anyone. But with my swollen and burning leg, the procedure is awful. It hurts to have anything touch my leg at any given time. For the ultrasound, they need to touch my leg. Youchies.

When I got back, my tray had arrived. I sit on the edge of the bed and have at it.

It's not the best fish, but I really wanted to eat, so I lifted the cover and was a little surprised at what I saw. It was a standard dinner plate, with a small piece of fish on it, next to a garnish of something green and a cherry tomato. That small side salad was truly a small side salad was truly that - small, sad little bowl with about 3 pieces of iceberg lettuce, a cucumber and another cherry tomato.

Hmm. Portion control is going to be a piece of cake.

Good thing I wasn't overly starving. I may have had nothing to eat all day, but this amount of food seemed perfect in context.

I ate a couple bites of fish, and it was good. But the next thing I knew a guy was there to drain half the blood from my body. He was nice, but I should have asked him what it was all for. He had to take samples from both arms. It took him a while of staring and prodding at my arms before deciding which one to poke - his personal philosophy as a lab tech was to poke people as few times as necessary, which he did for me.

Then I got to finish my dinner.

And now I'm done with this post because I'm getting loopy from the drugs and should probably take a nap. Once again, not proofreading. My apologies.

Hospital Living: Part 1

2011-05-09T21:42:00.003-05:00

I know I'm not going to have time to write this all in one blog post. Not going to happen. So I'll start when everything began: Tuesday.

I woke up in the morning very cold. Shivering, hypothermia type of cold. Tooth-clattering, hands-shaking, painful cold. And I was a little dizzy.

Thinking about getting warm as fast as possible, I figured a nice hot shower was my best option. Showering is tough when you're violently shaking, but I made it through somehow. Just out of curiosity, I checked the thermostat to see if the heat had gotten turned off overnight. It hadn't, and it was the same temp it always was in the house.

The next thing I thought of was that I must have a fever. 98.3. Not high. Higher than average for me (I usually run a cool 97.7), but not a fever. I went to work.

I was still dizzy. Halfway down the street I thought I should turn around. I was a little nauseated because I had taken my vitamin on an empty stomach that morning. But I thought that would pass and everything would be fine once I got to work.

All was not well. If anything, I felt worse when I got to work. I sent out a plea for someone to come pick me up and take me home so that I didn't have to bus home and do all that walking - I was still really dizzy.

Turns out it was a good thing I went home. My stop-mom picked me up and dropped me off at home on her way to work. It means so much to me that she did that for me. So much. When I took my temp again, it was over 102. One giant nap later, 103.3.

I take some ibuprofen for the fever and commence freaking out. It was somewhere around here that I was starting to realize how much my leg was starting to hurt. The back and side felt like they were burning, and they were red and hot to the touch.

So I did what any thirty-something would do in this day and age: the Almighty Google.

Pain, redness, hot to the touch? All symptoms of a blood clot. Deep vein thrombosis. As in: can kill you if you don't take care of it fast.

The freak-out is instantly amped up. I made a post on Facebook, seeing if someone could take me to urgent care.

A friend jumped to the rescue. She and I were friends way back in elementary school but had gradually drifted apart over the years (as happens to most friendships from elementary school). She took me to the clinic I wanted to go to (the same clinic where I see my primary care doc). There was no wait at urgent care (note: this never happens).

The doc there identifies the problem in my leg almost immediately. He's 98% sure once I tell him about my fever.

Cellulitis.

No, it is not anything related to cellulite.

Cellulitis is a bacterial infection of the subcutaneous tissue or other deep tissue of the body, most commonly happening in the legs, hands, and face.

But, he wasn't 100% sure there wasn't a clot, so he scheduled an ultrasound on my leg to check for clots later that evening.

My step-mom to the rescue again! She took me to the hospital (because that's where you get ultrasounds).

Ok, changing to a faster method here. I'm starting to fall asleep thanks to the drugs.

The ultrasound was negative, so I started taking antibiotics for the cellulitis.

It didn't help. In fact, it started getting worse. A lot worse. By Thursday, I still had a temp over 100, the redness and swelling had spread to the entire lower leg. The pain was unbearable.

Call to the doctor's office and they told me I should come in to see my primary care doc. I did, and he said that the best option, since the infection had obviously gotten worse after 24 hours of antibiotics, was to be admitted to the hospital for a few days and receive IV antibiotics.

The hospital. Admitted. Inpatient. IV.

Yes, this is happening. And I couldn't even go home to get stuff. They made me go straight there to start treatment right away.

And that's where I have to stop for the night. It's bedtime for this sicko.

So Much to Say

2011-05-02T18:21:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning, I wanted to write a blog post, but couldn't find the words. Now I have too many.

I'm working on a post about same-sex marriage and the controversy surrounding it in Minnesota right now. That's going to have to wait. I want to be able to devote my full attention to it, and right now my mind is on other things.

I wanted to write a post about my 5k on Saturday, and how much it meant to me to have so many friends come out to support me and walk with me. Again, there are other things on my mind right now.

Last night, I watched Game of Thrones on HBO, then started getting ready for bed. Shortly before turning in for the night, I remembered I had wanted to post to Twitter about how much I'm enjoying Game of Thrones so far, so I did that. That's when I started seeing posts about a special announcement that the president was going to make. Rumors were flying that it was something about Osama Bin Laden. I saw the tweet from the White House with a link to the live feed of the president's speech.

[Side note: in looking for that link to post up there about Game of Thrones, I happened to discover that I can access the new "HBO GO" service. Seems incredibly awesome, and it's extremely distracting. If you're an HBO subscriber, check it out. You have access to every episode of every HBO show. Holy buckets. Must get back to blog post, but it's so pretty...]

I turned on the TV. For some reason CNN wasn't working. I turned to NBC while also watching the feed from the White House on my computer.

Twitter was going nuts. Everyone was waiting up to see what Obama was going to say.

Finally, more than an hour after the White House said he'd be speaking, Obama was talking, telling us that Osama Bin Laden is dead.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I mean, my initial reaction was surprise. And I'm not sorry that he's dead. But I don't seem to feel the joy that so many others have felt. I didn't jump up and down. I watched because I knew it was going to be historic. Remember the date, folks. 5/1/11. They're going to talk about that in history classes. Your kids will ask you about it when they're teenagers and discussing it at school.

However, countless people have died. This cannot be ignored. The death of one man doesn't end this, and it doesn't change the fact that so many had to suffer through the loss of their loved ones.

Partially because I'm distracted, and partially because I think it's appropriate, I'm going to share the quotation attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr. that's going around Facebook today. I have no idea if he actually said this, but I would believe it of him. I'm seeing a few different versions in my Facebook feed, so I'm choosing the one that I like the most. I tried to find out if it came from a speech, but only found part of it. But I still think it's a fitting sentiment for today.

‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

If Only

2011-04-19T21:40:00.002-05:00

For nearly 30 years, I've been convinced that if only I had a boyfriend, all of my problems would be solved. Everything. I'd be deliriously happy, and everything else would just fall into its rightful place.

So far, life hasn't worked out that way.

I've had boyfriends. I've even been happy with some of them. But it never really seemed to resolve things in other aspects of my life.

I also think that this delusion of mine has kept me from getting the most out of my relationships. I've gotten it in my head that having a boyfriend is the solution, so that every time a new man came into my life, I was convinced that HE was the solution. I fell too fast, and in most cases let my clouded ideals blind me to what was really going on. Every time a relationship ended, or a date didn't go well, I would tell myself that he wasn't the key to the puzzle. It'll be the next one.

It never was. And it never will be.

My most recent failure has taught me that it's not about the boyfriend. I've managed to find happiness on my own, without the man. I've got a pretty good thing going on lately, and none of it has to do with the fact that a guy just blew me off last week. It's other things, all adding up. I'm making myself a better person, and I'm loving myself for it. For once, I'm truly making things all about me.

Maybe someday, eventually, I will find a guy who fits into my life. When that happens (if that happens), I will embrace it. But I won't let the next guy who comes along ruin what I've found for myself, unless he proves himself to be just what I need.

I have a new mantra. No longer will my foolish fairy-tale notions rule my life. It's not worth it. My heart is worth more than that.

Dear You

2011-04-16T09:07:00.002-05:00

Dear You,

I don't know what happened, but I'm no stranger to this experience. However, I thought this time would be different. You seemed different from all the others before you.

I thought we had a good thing going on. Apparently that was all in my head. I haven't heard from you in five days. That doesn't sound like much when it's written down, but considering that since we met, there have only been a few days where we had no contact at all. There was always something.

I smiled every time I got a text from you. My bus rides out to see you were wonderful, because I knew you would be there at the park and ride. Spending time with you was a joy and I never really wanted to go home, but I knew I had to.

Was it because I was taking things too slowly? Usually I'm different, but this time I was trying something new because I thought it would help. Apparently I was wrong.

The whole time, I was clouded by how I felt for you. Did I see things that weren't really there? Was the touch of your hand merely imagination? I'm sad that none of it was real in the end, because I really liked it.

I'm choosing to remember the you in my head rather than the you you turned out to be. It's better than feeling defeated and worthless yet again.

Originally I thought I'd be spending time with you tonight. Instead I'll be watching "He's Just Not That Into You" on DVD, since apparently I need to get that message.

I still wish it could have been different. I wish you could have said something instead of completely ignoring me. I think that would have hurt less...

- me

Relationships and Jumping to Conclusions

2011-04-13T18:00:00.002-05:00

I've been dating The Guy for almost a month now. In all honesty, this is about as long as my relationships tend to last. And that's only if I get past the first date.

Right around now is when most guys realize that they aren't interested in me in "that way," and they tell me (or just let me figure out on my own) that they just want to be friends - which really means that he has no desire to ever see me again, but he doesn't want to have to see me cry. I'm used to it by now.

But that also means that I'm starting to get a little paranoid about my situation with The Guy. We have (very loose) plans for the weekend, but other than a few scattered text messages on Monday, I haven't heard from him all week. I know that he's really busy - that was in one of the texts he sent on Monday. He has work and school and all the stress that comes from both of those things. But that little corner of my heart keeps nagging me, telling me that he's not really so busy. He's just trying to figure out how to let me down easy.

Because they all, eventually, let me down. Story of my life. Why should this guy be any different?

I hope he is different. I really hope he is just insanely busy and hasn't had the time to get in touch with me. Maybe he only thinks about me when his day is over and it's too late to send me a message because he doesn't want to wake me up.

I guess I'll find out on Saturday. I'm already ready to update my Facebook relationship status, but that seems to be the kiss of death for me - as soon as I acknowledge the fact that have a boyfriend, boom - he's gone. This time I'm going to talk to him. See what we're doing, where we're going.

Ugh. I don't want to do that. I want it all to make sense, like the way it always feels when we're actually together. I don't want to have to talk about it. And I don't want to be the girl who nags her boyfriend about not contacting her enough. I'm not that girl.

It's all going to be fine. Unless it's not. I can't be entirely optimistic on this one, because if it goes horribly wrong this weekend I'll be so disappointed. Beyond disappointed. But if I'm completely pessimistic, then it won't work out anyway because I'll be so convinced it'll fail.

I hate waiting.

I really like this guy. I really want it to work. I want to have a real relationship. Is that too much to ask?

Quarter 1 Results: 2011

2011-03-28T17:50:00.002-05:00

or: Everything's Coming Up Becky!

Nutshell summary of the year so far:
* Moved in with siblings, ergo saving money on rent
* Purchased netbook computer for portability so I can further advance my writing – the best part was that this was a comfortable purchase, financially, despite the meager bonus handed out at work
* Secured a season ticket package for the Twins
* Met a guy on the internet who is actually turning out to be a viable relationship option for me – but this is still developing news
* The Get Healthy Initiative (or GHI) is progressing smoothly thanks to a gym membership and a lot of encouragement from friends and family – and so far the numerical result is 25 pounds lost.

That’s right, folks. I’ve lost 25 pounds. Numbers girl that I am, I can’t help but do some math around this. In the first quarter of 2011, I lost 25 pounds. If I keep things up and lose at a similar rate, then I could assume a 25 pound loss each quarter of 2011. That means I could lose 100 pounds this year. Now, I know that’s ambitious, but I’m just a little giddy and optimistic today. I know I can’t expect to have the same results quarter after quarter (and 4th quarter is notorious for knocking everyone off the healthy bandwagon), so I’m not going to set my goals for the rest of 2011 yet. We’ll get there. But I am going to say that I’m shooting for another 25 pounds by the end of the second quarter.

You heard me. By the end of June, I hope to be 50 pounds lighter than I was back in the dead of winter. You might even see me at a beach. Maybe. Of course, I’d probably have to buy a new swim suit before that happens. But still – 50 pounds. That’s the next goal.

I’m still training. There’s a 5k coming up at the end of April that I’m really starting to get excited about. I’m really hoping I’ll be able to run part of it (shooting for about a mile’s worth, but spread out over the course of the race, but I’ll adjust that goal as I get closer to race day). And the half marathon is still on the table for November. I’m doing it. So far my only goals related to that race are A) show up and B) finish. Those will likely be adjusted as well. Except for goal A. Gotta do that one, it’s the most important – if I don’t complete goal A, I can’t do any of the other goals.

What’s that? You want to hear about the guy? I can’t say much yet. It’s only been a few dates. But I like him. I like talking to him and I like spending time with him. I like being close to him. It’s still early, though, so I have no idea if he feels all these same things about me. It could be my lack of experience in these things (seriously, it had been a year and a half since my last date), because I really just don’t know how to read him. I’m guessing he must feel something, though, because he keeps agreeing to see me again.

As you can see, it’s all going well. Isn’t this the point in the movie when everything starts going horribly awry? Either that, or hilarity ensues. I’m going to hope for the latter.

By the way, thanks to everyone for all your support during this Get Healthy Initiative. It’s really motivating to check on your Facebook status and see that over 35 people “like” it, and it’s inspiring to see the @ replies on Twitter. All of you coworkers, you’re helping, too. I love the encouragement. I wouldn’t have had a strong first quarter without all of you. Keep it coming.

On Google

2011-03-25T16:18:00.002-05:00

I specifically remember someone telling me in college to try Google as a search engine. The Internet was still relatively new to us – we were at the beginning of the generational wave that relied on email to communicate with professors and classmates. Most of us had been using your typical MSN or Yahoo search when trying to find something useful or specific on the Internet. But then my friend told me to try this new thing called Google. Better than any search engine that he knew about. It was cool, and he insisted that sooner or later, everyone would use Google. The way he talked about it, you’d think he held stock in the company.

Fast forward 10 years.

(Holy crap. 10 years. This reminds me that I got an email about my 10-year college reunion, even though it’s not until June of 2012. But that’s another post entirely.)

Today, my life seems to revolve around Google. On my computers at home, Google is my home page – on my Google web browser, where I check my Google email and read the Google News. Even this blog uses Google to its advantage (and to mine – without Google Analytics, I would have no way of knowing where all of you are when you read this). I buy things using Google Checkout. My phone? Android – which is also Google. On that Google-powered phone, I also check my Google email and find directions from place to place using Google Maps (with navigation). I even have the Google Sky Map to tell me what stars I’m looking at, even if it’s daytime.

“To Google” is a verb. If you want to give a snarky response to someone who poses a stupid question on an internet message board, you can post a link to “Let Me Google That For You,” which will send the questioner to a web page that looks just like Google, but it shows someone else typing the question into Google and getting the response.

Google is everywhere.

Ten years ago, there was no way for me to conceive of what Google would become. How could I? But today I was reading an article (which I found through the Google News page) talking about Android 3.0, and I realized that Google is practically omnipresent in our society. And then I remembered my friend, telling me to try this cool new search engine. Now Google is everything.

What simple thing do we have today that in 10 years will be as ubiquitous as Google is now?

Saturday Crazy

2011-03-19T16:24:00.002-05:00

I love shopping sometimes.

Three months ago, you wouldn't have seen me say that. Well, I used to hate shopping for clothes. It was depressing. I always seemed to end up in the same size, if not the size bigger. It was an adventure, trying to squeeze into the largest size they carry in any given store.

Today, though, was different. I strolled into the changing room with the same size I always wear. I knew that some of my pants are a bit big on me these days thanks to the weight I've been losing, but it could be just that they've gotten stretched out. The pessimist in me was convinced that I wouldn't be able to get into a smaller size - the regular size would just be more comfortable now.

I tried on the jeans. A little tight, but that always happens with these kinds of jeans - by the time I get home, they'll be too big. I decided to go ahead and get the jeans because I'm getting desperate for them.

I also tried on a pair of work-appropriate slacks. I had no problems at all buttoning or zipping them. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed a significant bagginess around the butt region. These pants were too big.

The pants were too big! It's been YEARS since I've had that problem. I poked my head out of the fitting room and asked the attendant for a size smaller. She smiled and said she'd be right back. After a minute or two, she was there, and I went for it. I thought about holding my breath, but decided that wouldn't be a very good idea. So I just took them off the hanger and put them on my legs. And you know what? They went on fine. They weren't too tight in the thigh. I could button them and zip them.

I looked in the mirror again. They weren't awkwardly tight. I could breathe. It was amazing. I wear a size smaller now.

I've lost enough weight that I need smaller pants. This is a milestone. Where's the champagne?

So to celebrate, I went ahead and spent some of my tax refund in advance. I bought a new little netbook PC. I'm using it now to write this post. I think it'll be great for when NaNoWriMo comes around again.

Also, did I mention that I had a date yesterday? It was amazing. Wonderful. We sat at a coffee shop and chatted for about four and a half hours. I loved it. Never a lull in the conversation, and we have a lot in common - but not too much that it would be boring. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, though. I have to let things happen at the speed they happen. I don't want to scare another one off.

But yeah, I'm in a great mood today. I have new pants. New SMALLER pants. And a new smaller computer. :)

Updates

2011-03-16T21:05:00.005-05:00

I wish I weren't so tired right now. There's a lot I want to talk about in this post.

First of all, I have a new pic to use in all my online profiles.

Thanks to some random nerdery I associate with, I became aware of an artist named Len Peralta. He does... well, really nerdy/geeky stuff. He's most known for a project called Geek a Week, where he made trading cards featuring notable faces in the geek community. You can read all about it here. Anyway, they're selling the cards on Think Geek, so I think I might head over there one of these days and actually buy them.

But Len also has a project called Flip Face, where he'll make a custom avatar for you. After the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, he announced on Twitter that he would take $5 from every Flip Face sale and donate it to relief efforts in Japan if you indicate "Help Japan" in the special instructions when you order. Bonus, because it's Japan, he'll do the avatar in an anime style. So I'm on board, I ordered my new face, and there it is up there. I love it.

You see, I'm completely torn up about what's happening in Japan. There have been a lot of earthquakes lately it seems, but for some reason this one was the one that really hit me. I'm emotional about it, and I feel completely useless. So if I can buy a custom-drawn picture of myself and help? I'm going to do it.

I like creative ways to help others. Sure, $5 is minuscule compared to what is needed, but it's better than nothing. I don't have a lot to give, and so I had to do something.

Plus, I'm also supporting an artist. One I'm a fan of. That counts for something, too.

Ok, that took longer than I thought it would. Other stuff I want to touch on: I have a date this weekend. The guy makes me smile, and that counts for a lot in my book. We'll just leave it at that.

And I'm going to a new gym. Not Lifetime. This one is in the building where I work (exclusive for tenants of the building). A couple work buddies and I took a class over our lunch hour today. It was amazing. Hard work, but worth it. I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

And that's all for now. I need to go to bed. I'm super tired.

Fat Love in Primetime

2011-02-15T20:15:00.003-06:00

This entry is entirely about the show Glee. It will contain spoilers through the episode that aired tonight. If you care and you're behind, please catch up and then read this episode.

All right, disclaimer out of the way.

I'm a big proponent of fat acceptance. If you're not familiar with that concept, it ties in with the idea of "health at any size," which implies that a person's health isn't solely determined by the size of their body. Overweight people, especially women, have it rough in our world. We're imperfect - far from it - in the eyes of our society. Because we're not thin, we cannot be beautiful - at least that's what we're taught from a very young age.

That's just a bit of background for you (if you're interested in reading up on fat acceptance, check out the website for NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance).

Glee is currently one of the most popular shows on TV. It even got the post-Super Bowl spot, which I think is impressive. Granted, that was probably one of the worst Glee episodes ever, but that's ok. The story line I want to talk about really started last week.

My favorite character on Glee is a guy named Puck. He's a tough-guy, bad-boy type, and very good-looking (even with that stupid mohawk thing). Another character is a girl named Lauren. And she's a Big Girl. She's also tough (she's on the school wrestling team).

Last week, Puck announced that he's got a thing for Lauren. Actually, it was an episode this past fall when Puck said that Lauren "rocked his world." I thought that they would just drop that story line. But it was in the Valentine's Day themed episode when they brought it back.

Members of the glee club were supposed to sing love songs. Puck, in his infinite wisdom, decided to sing Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" to Lauren. I thought it was awesome - as someone who is personally unashamed (most of the time) of her own fat bottom, I find nothing truly offensive about the song. I love that song (along with "Baby Got Back," I think it's one of the best fat anthems out there). But Lauren didn't really take it well. One song about fat girls wasn't enough to win Lauren's heart.

And this is the amazing part - throughout the entire episode, Puck continues to pursue her, and Lauren keeps shooting him down. He's not just after her because she's big - it's because she's "badass." Lauren is a girl who oozes confidence despite how she looks. She's not going to snatch up Puck just because he shows an interest - she isn't going to stoop to that. And I respect her for it.

Though, if Puck were after me, I'd be all over him. Dude is hot. (Don't worry - he may play a teenager on TV, but the actor is in his late 20s).

Anyway, where was I? Right. Puck and Lauren. He actually uttered the phrase "How hot is she?" after she sang her song in tonight's episode.

Hot. A fat girl. On primetime, national television. On one of the most watched shows on TV. We now have a precedent for fat love in primetime.

I love it.

However, I'm worried. I'm afraid they're going to turn it into something... more than just a teenage romance plot line. They're either going to turn it around and make it about Lauren's health, or Puck is going to "wake up" and realize that Lauren isn't conventionally attractive. I doubt they're going to leave it as it is. I just hope they actually get together before they end the story line.

Am I reading too much into this? Maybe this isn't some grand gesture of a trend toward size equality in America. Maybe it's just a TV show.

Either way, I'm enjoying it. I like seeing the hot guy chase the fat girl. Hopefully the rest of the world will follow suit.

EDIT: This doesn't mean that I'm going to give up on the whole weight-loss thing. I have my own reasons for that, and I'm still determined to do it. It's still going well.

On Fire

2011-02-14T17:50:00.003-06:00

Most of you who read this little blog are either Twitter followers of mine, or you're my friend on Facebook. If you've seen any of my posts on either site for the past few Mondays, you'll notice that I've been losing a bit of weight.

I feel fantastic.

I started on January 24. That morning, I weighed mumble-hundred and mumblety-5 pounds. (Come on, I'm a lady. I'm not giving out those numbers. Maybe eventually, but I'm not that comfortable right now with the whole world knowing that number.)

Now, this morning, I discovered that the number had reduced by 13. Well, at first it was about 35 pounds less than a few weeks ago, but that was a fluke - a corner of the scale was on the rug in my room, skewing the output. When the scale was solidly on the bare hardwood floor, it was that mumbly number up there minus 13.

13 pounds!

I'm noticing it, too, in my clothing. My jeans are almost too baggy. My work pants are looser. My shoes are even fitting better.

How have I done it? I've lost weight before. I've been a Weight Watcher twice in my life - the first time I lost over 40 pounds, which came back and brought friends. The second time I only lost about 25 pounds and hit a plateau, which I hovered around for well over a year. Then I quit and started putting on the weight again.

I know how Weight Watchers works. I know what needs to be done to lose weight. It's a basic formula - calories in, calories out, right?

But those of you who have struggled with weight issues know that it's never that simple. On paper, sure. It's a piece of cake when you just think about it. But the problem is that your head always gets in the way. That pesky brain has a hard time wrapping its little grey matter around the concept: eating less crap and moving more = weight loss.

Well, that's not entirely it. My brain gets it. I think it must be my subconscious. My will. I know what it takes, but to actually do it? That's been nearly impossible in my life.

I know that I've barely started this adventure this time around. Maybe I'll hit another plateau. But I'm trying not to think that way.

You see, I've realized that it's all about the way I think. I'm entering this adventure with an entirely different mentality about how I'm going to lose the weight. I keep thinking about how much I want it. And I've tried hoping and wishing and praying. When it comes to something like major weight loss, that sort of thing just doesn't cut it. It requires action - both physically and mentally. Even emotional action.

In my first week, I lost 3 pounds. In all my previous weight loss attempts, I lost much more than that in the first week. But that's not a big deal - because this time feels different. I know it's different.

After that first week, I really wanted to go to Caribou Coffee and get a white chocolate mocha. But then I told myself: I didn't lose 3 pounds by drinking mochas. I was drinking tea. So instead of getting the mocha - even though I was convinced that I really wanted it - I got a cup of tea.

I wanted a bacon cheeseburger and fries for lunch. But I told myself: I didn't lose those 3 pounds by eating burgers and fries. So I went to Subway and got a chicken sandwich with no mayo and lots of veggies.

I went to a Super Bowl party that week, and I was surrounded by fantastic-looking food. I didn't completely deny myself, but I also told myself: I didn't lose 3 pounds by gorging myself on snack foods and chocolate covered pretzel rods. So I ate enough food to sample the things that looked good, and I limited myself to one chocolate covered pretzel rod.

And you know what? The next morning when I weighed myself, I was down another 6 pounds, for a grand total of 9 pounds.

NINE POUNDS. That's something. Granted, on a person as large as me, it's barely a dent in this ample frame, but it's still noteworthy - especially to someone like me who has struggled with this for my entire life.

You see, I really like food. I REALLY like food. But it's nothing that I can't control with the power of my mind. I love things like french fries. So you know what? I eat french fries on Friday nights when I go to the bar with my buddies. One night a week, it's not going to hurt me to eat fries. In the last 3 weeks, I've eaten quite a few Friday night fries. And I'm still losing weight.

But you know what else I like? Shrimp. And shrimp isn't that bad. In fact, tonight for dinner I'm going to make a salad with shrimp and toss it with a light balsamic vinaigrette. It will be great.

This morning when I stepped on the scale, I was down another 4 pounds, bringing the grand total to 13.

It feels really good. I love the way this feels, and I love all the encouragement and kudos I'm getting from my friends, family, and coworkers.

It's all in my head. I want this, I know what I need to do, and I know what I need to stop doing. I'm moving more, and I'm eating fewer fried foods and sweets (in general - I haven't cut them out completely), and I'm drinking less diet soda and more tea and water.

I can't wait to step on the scale next week.

I can't believe I just wrote that. "I can't wait to step on the scale next week." That must mean I'm doing something right.

Single in America

2011-02-11T17:55:00.005-06:00

I've got a lot of blog posts simmering on the back burner right now. Tonight's topic: Valentine's Day. Have to go for this one while the time is right.

I'm single. Most of you knew that, but for any potential new readers out there, that's my current status. Single. Not married. Never been married. Never had a relationship for more than 4 months. Nothing that can be described as anything other than "casual."

Normally, my single status doesn't bug me. I date every once in a while. That's fine. It's fun, I enjoy it. But I also have a strong support system of family and friends. They keep me sane.

A friend and I were emailing today about marriage. She's not married, either, but she is in a solid, committed relationship and has been since college. They like where they are, and they feel no need to be married. That's fine. I get it. I think it would be weird if they got married - it's just who they are.

But the conversation got me thinking. I'm 30 years old. Single. Never been married.

And, somehow, these two simple facts - age 30 and never married - made me feel inadequate. No, it's more than that. I feel like I have somehow failed in life because I'm not married. I look at the important people in my life, and I realize that a large percentage of them are now, or have been, married. My mom and dad are both remarried after their divorce (which is an impressive feat for my lesbian mother). My grandmother on my dad's side has been married forever, and my grandmother on my mom's side has been twice widowed, now on her third husband. The majority of my family, in fact (with the exception of a couple siblings and some cousins), is married, or at least has been married at some point in their lives. Even my best friend has been married.

So what's wrong with me? Why haven't I been married? Nobody has even been in a position to ask me to marry him. And, somehow, this is my problem.

It's our society. Our culture dictates that there is a certain order to things in life. You grow up. You go to college (or you don't). You graduate, and you get a job. You meet a nice boy or a nice girl. You fall in love, and maybe even move in together. You get married, you buy a house, you pop out babies, then you watch those babies go through the same thing. The cycle continues until you die.

Have you ever noticed how incredibly difficult it is to be single in America?

Everything we do is designed for couples or families. Tables at restaurants have a minimum of two chairs. Tickets for events are commonly sold in pairs (and if you win them on the radio or something, it's ALWAYS a pair). Traveling? Try paying cab fare without having a partner to share the cost. Living by yourself is difficult, too, as everything in our culture is designed for a double income. Without roommates, paying for all the costs of living is astronomical. I can't afford to live by myself, even though it's what I really want to be doing right now. As it is, I can't afford a car because the expense of that on top of everything else is too great. I don't have a family plan for my phone because I don't have a family. I think the only thing where it benefits me to be single is my health insurance.

Being single is expensive.

And, of course, there are things like Valentine's Day. Yes, it's the day where all the advertisements tell you that it's the day to be with your special someone, to tell them how much you love them - hey, maybe it's a good time to buy her a ring and get married. Because that's what you're supposed to do.

It's things like this that just perpetuate the concept that marriage is a natural part of life, and that it's expected of everyone. And if you don't get married, you're going to end up being the crazy cat lady.

So, in honor of that, I leave you with a loving picture of my valentine this year:

Quiz-tastic!

2011-01-12T16:03:00.002-06:00

I'm sure most of you have heard by now, but I'm going to give a little bit of background just in case this is news for you. I've been playing on a Pub Quiz team for a couple years now. (A couple years? Has it really been that long?) It's a team of five people - we were all coworkers when we started playing - and we play monthly quizzes at Brit's Pub in downtown Minneapolis. Each quiz consists of 6 rounds of questions:

1. Current events - 12 questions
2. Pictures (we're given a sheet of paper with 10 pictures on it, and we have to identify them - sometimes it's movies, sometimes people, sometimes flags - that sort of thing) - 10 questions
3, 4, and 6. General knowledge/trivia - 12 questions
5. Music round - 10 questions. They'll play a song and we have to identify title/artist (sometimes this varies, but there's always a music round).

Points are tallied at the end and the top 4 teams walk away with prizes. The scores are logged and at the end of the year, there's a "Grand Final" for the top teams to determine the champion for the year.

Historically, my team (Meditations in an Emergency) has performed adequately. We put up a good fight, and usually finish in the top 10 or so (there are probably around 30 teams each night). Last year at the Grand Final, we were miserable - got off to a rocky start and climbed our way up to mediocre. It was borderline embarrassing.

We qualified again for the Grand Final in 2010, and the event happened last night. We were short a teammate, and none of us were very optimistic. Our performance hadn't been the best in the past few months. We went for the fun of it.

Round 1 was pretty easy. Most teams got a majority of the answers correct, and at least half the room was ranked in the top 4 places. We were up there, but not at the top.

Round 2 was tricky, but my teammates figured it out pretty quickly. We had to match up pictures of Time's Person of the Year with the year they won the honor. We lost 3 points on that round, and we were still near the top of the pack, but not out in front.

Round 3 was average, and I don't think there was much turnover in the rankings.

Round 4 must have gone well for us. As we're listening to the rankings, I catch the news that our team is out in first place.

We were in no place to count our chickens, though. Round 5 is the music round, historically our worst round. We usually drop a few places by the time it's done.

There's usually a theme to the music round. When it's announced, I know that this time it's going to be different. The theme? Musical theater. They'll play the beginning of a show tune, and we have to identify the musical it comes from. No need to name the song or the artist - we just have to name the show.

Sweet.

The first song starts, and we're off to a great start. "Happy Talk" from South Pacific. So many familiar songs, so many shows that someone in our team knows. Phantom of the Opera. The Lion King. Rent. Evita. We knew all of them but one, and we were able to make an educated guess. None of us had seen Les Miserables, but it's one of the more famous shows these days. And the music sounded like it could be from that show. We wrote it down.

It was right.

We swept the music round.

A feat never before performed by Meditations in an Emergency.

This meant we were still in the lead. We were still winning. After the music round!

One more round remained. We knew some of the answers. Some of the questions were easy. Some were guesses. Some we had no clue. In the end, we had no idea if we were still going to be on top. But we had a chance.

My heart was pounding as the answers were read. We got more wrong than I would have liked, but it wasn't an embarrassing performance.

The final scores are announced, and they always start from the bottom and work up the list. Two teams tie for 3rd place. Neither of them is our team.

2nd place announced. Last year's winners. Not us. I know what this means in my head, but I can't really reconcile it until I actually hear our name.

Meditations in an Emergency. First place in the Grand Final. 2010 Brit's Pub Quiz champions!

Just Dance.

2010-12-30T19:36:00.002-06:00

I'll spare you the boring apologies for neglecting this blog again. I'm writing now. That's better than nothing, right?

Today a package arrived in the mail. A delightful package from Amazon filled with stuff I ordered. I got a gift card as a late birthday present from my dad, and I decided to wait until after Christmas to redeem it. I want to talk about two things that came in that package.

The first is a video game. Just Dance 2 for the Wii. I played the first Just Dance game at a friend's house a while back, and I really enjoyed it. I read the product description of the new game, and I thought it sounded like it would have some fun dances on it.

I decided to pop in the game after I got home from work today, and I was excited to see that it has a mode called "Just Sweat," which is really a workout/training system. It was actually really fun, and I did, indeed, sweat. Quite a lot. It's probably been my lack of exercise for the last couple months that really caused the sweat. I only worked out for 20 minutes total, but it was intense. I'm sure if anyone looked in my window and saw the way I was flailing around laughed pretty hard about it, too. But I had fun. And I might have even burned a few calories.

I just knew I had to quit when I flailed a bit too harshly and knocked my Nintendo DS off the coffee table, then on the next move flailed in another direction and flung my glasses to the floor. Now I get why they always remind you to wear the wrist strap on the controllers.

The other item that I want to talk about is a book. I'll give you the NERD ALERT now. It's a Wheel of Time book.

For you non-nerdy/geeky types, The Wheel of Time is an epic fantasy series by Robert Jordan. I've been reading it for about 8 years now, though the first book came out decades ago. I'm a little behind right now, and the book I got is book 12 in the series, which came out a year and a half ago. I waited until now because I wanted to get the paperback edition that matches all my other books in the series. I want the whole set to be the same.

This part of the story is sad. Robert Jordan, creator of a vast world filled with vivid characters, died before he was able to finish the series. Another fantasy author, Brandon Sanderson, was asked to complete the last book of Jordan's empire.

The first thing I did after dancing a while today was read the forward that Sanderson wrote for this book. I cried. And then I felt pathetic because I was crying over a person I never knew outside of his fiction. Someone who died years ago. And it turns out that this isn't even the last book of the series - it grew to large and Sanderson and the editors decided to break it into three books.

After that, I realized that I was crying over someone real, even though I had never met him, never knew him, and he died a few years ago. All the crying I typically do is because of writers, ultimately, but it's over fiction. Stories make me cry. Television and movies and books most of all. But this time, it was none of that. It wasn't fiction at all.

Now I'm getting sad again, and I don't even know what my point was in sharing this. I should just think about the dancing.

Remember, boys and girls, in less than a year I'm doing a half marathon. I've got to whip myself back into shape. This will be easier once the gym in my work building opens, which will supposedly happen soon, but for now I have the dance, and sweat. And maybe the stray tear or two.

Mario: Man of my Dreams

2010-12-08T18:23:00.004-06:00

I spent a lot of time with my 9-year-old nephew last Saturday. It was an adventure - by far, it was the most time I've spent with anyone under the age of 10 in a very long time. But that's another blog post.

My nephew is very much a part of our family. He's only 9, but he's already showing off his nerdy/geeky tendencies. He likes books and comics and cartoons - and video games. He really likes video games. I'm sure part of it is his generation, being raised by the first generation of video game lovers who have had the pleasure of enjoying video games for their entire lives. But I can tell that he has a love for the classics.

He asked me a question on Saturday. "Who is your favorite NES character?"

As a big fan of video games, especially the classics, myself, I knew that "NES" referred to the Nintendo Entertainment System - that first Nintendo system that brought Super Mario Bros. into our lives. Just to clarify, I asked my nephew if he meant all of Nintendo, or just the original Nintendo. He assured me that it was original.

I gave it some thought. A lot of the games I enjoy today had their origins on the NES - "Final Fantasy" started there, but the original didn't really have the most memorable characters - that didn't happen until the Super Nintendo came around. "The Legend of Zelda" also began on the NES, and Link - the protagonist character in those games - has always been one of my favorites. But I had to go with the ultimate classic.

"It's gotta be Mario," I replied. "He's where it all began."

My nephew was satisfied with that answer. As a player of plenty of modern games, he knows that Mario has built himself an empire - he's like the godfather of Nintendo games.

It's very true. I love Mario games - the classic platformers. I love the spin-offs, like Mario Kart and Mario Party. I love them all.

Today, I went to the video game page on Amazon to add a game I saw advertised on television to my wish list. That game is for the DS, and it looks like a fun one - it's called "Mario vs. Donkey Kong Mini-Land Mayhem." But I got sidetracked. Right on the front of the Amazon video game page, I saw this:

You can find the info on it here: Super Mario All-Stars on Amazon or here: Official Nintendo Site.

Now, those of you in the know are aware that quite some time ago, a Super Mario All-Stars game came out. For the SNES. It came out in 1993, and it contained Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros - The Lost Levels, Super Mario Bros 2, and Super Mario Bros 3. This game, the same. I've even purchased all of those games (except The Lost Levels) through the Virtual Console for the Wii, so I can play them any time I want.

Even so, I nearly cried when I read the product description. It's a giant bucket of nostalgia and I want it. I want the goodies that come with it (a Mario history book and a soundtrack CD). This game encompasses everything that I loved about video games in my childhood.

Those of you buying me Christmas presents: the game comes out on Sunday. It's a mere $30 if you buy it on Amazon (free shipping!) - that's a steal for a new Wii game. Just sayin'. It'll be on my Wish List.

I may be 30 years old, but the chubby plumber with the red hat will always hold a place in my heart as my first true love.

Cartoons and Facebook

2010-12-05T18:54:00.003-06:00

If you're on Facebook, surely you've seen the latest viral trend to change your profile picture to a favorite cartoon from your childhood. The post most people are adding to their status updates is something like this:

"Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until Monday (Dec. 6) there should be no human faces on Facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is to support the fight against violence towards children."

There are many variations on the status update - this was just taken from one of the many posts I saw my various friends make. Over the course of the weekend, I've seen a ton of different cartoons from my childhood popping up in my Facebook news feed. It's been a wonderful trek down memory lane, reminding me about all the cartoons I don't get to watch anymore.

Personally, I didn't add the status update, but I did change my profile picture to one of Lisa Simpson. Technically, The Simpsons started when I was a child - I was a kid in the late 80s when the show began. But I chose that picture because I already had it in my file of profile pictures on Facebook - I've used it as my profile picture before. I like Lisa Simpson.

What I really want to address is the last bit of that status update - the bit about fighting violence against children. Me changing my profile picture to an image of Lisa Simpson is going to do absolutely nothing to fight child abuse. And I know that. I just like Lisa Simpson. That's why I didn't bother adding that stupid status update to my profile. I know it's not going to do anything.

And don't get me started on "raising awareness." We all know that child abuse happens, and we all know that we probably should be doing something about it. Remember the first couple posts I made in this blog? I wrote about that Facebook trend where women were encouraged to post the color of their bra to "raise awareness" for breast cancer. I went off on that concept then, and this one is exactly the same.

But you all know this, and you probably all think the same thing I do. You're probably all just like me - you wanted to remember the cartoons of your youth, and you've been enjoying seeing them all infect your Facebook newsfeeds. Right?

Today, I saw something new. Supposedly, the whole idea of changing your profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood was started by a group of child molesters. Supposedly they think that if the kids see a picture of a cartoon, they'll be more likely to accept the friend request.

This may or may not be true, I have no idea. However, I know that my Lisa Simpson picture is not going to make a difference whether or not some sort of pervert is going to try to prey on his next victim. How does it benefit the bad guys if all my friends are posting pictures from cartoons? I don't really get it. Why do the pedophiles need a viral Facebook trend to change their profile pictures to cartoons? I've seen it plenty of times before this trend started - like I said, I've used the Lisa Simpson picture before.

It's all a matter of scaring the masses. The bad people are out to get your children. We're all going to get cancer and die. Everything in the world is bad and nothing is ever good or done just for the fun of it. There's always a group out there with an ulterior motive, and I'm sick of it.

Use your brains, people. If you like cartoons, change your profile picture. If you don't like cartoons, leave your picture the way it was. It won't matter one way or the other.

Feeling Introspective

2010-12-03T19:30:00.002-06:00

What is it about the holidays that makes me feel so down in the dumps?

I'm sitting here in my house - both the snowstorm outside and a raging cough are keeping me cooped up indoors, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. Well, my computer is here, too, and the television. But none of that is real. It's just me here.

I can't seem to stop myself from watching sappy movies where the girl inevitably finds the love of her life. Happily ever after and all that crap. I cry. Then I remember that it's been over a year since I've even been close to being on a date, so naturally I find myself wandering over to OK Cupid to see what's there... which of course, ultimately, is nothing I'm interested in.

This is the same stupid cycle I always end up in, and it always crops up this time of year. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the short days and minimal sunlight. I get sad because I'm alone. I think about trying to find someone to cure the aloneness, then realize that I couldn't find anyone who would take me for what I am because of my big butt and bigger gut and my chubby fingers and stupid squinty eyes. Naturally, instead of doing something to get rid of those first three (can't do much about the eyes), I consider the fact that I always fail when I try to better myself. I give up before I even start, and I end up sitting on my couch crying, then blogging about it. Next I will, without fail, raid my pantry and fridge for anything resembling junk food. Then I'll continue sitting on my ass watching stupid sappy movies and the cycle begins anew.

My landlord is showing my apartment tomorrow to a potential new renter. I should be tidying up so that the place actually looks presentable. Instead, I'm engaging in self-destructive behavior that I know isn't good for me.

(Huh. Someone is trying to have a conversation with me on OK Cupid right now. Unfortunately, he seems to have no concept of grammar, and he freely admits that he doesn't like to read. Why on earth does this guy claim to want to get to know me? Oh well - told him I'm not feeling chatty and he hasn't written a word since. Excellent.)

Ok, it's time for me to find some dinner now. Then I might go to bed.

Reflections on November

2010-11-28T10:30:00.003-06:00

I know I haven't updated this blog in a long time. I blame the month of November.

It's National Novel Writing Month, and I've been working hard on the Great American Novel. Wait, that's not right. It's more like the Great American Failure. The idea of NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. I got to 31,000 and just hit a wall. I'm lacking all motivation to continue, and I only have 3 days left in November.

I'm having a hard time lately with personal motivation in all aspects of my life, not just in writing - though writing is where it is most obvious, at least right now.

I don't think I'm a writer. I've written numerous novels - well, at least parts of numerous novels, but none of them are worthy of editing or finishing. Really, they're awful. The only things I write that are even remotely "good" are the posts I make in this blog, and even that is a specific kind of writing. I have fun with this thing, but it's hard to think of myself as a writer - I'm more of a blogger, really. And that's ok.

But it gets me thinking.... why do I bother with NaNo anymore? I don't ever get anything out of it. I just end up mad at myself for not trying harder and not managing my time well. It's just another example of how I start things and never finish them. I've had that problem my entire life.

I should have spent my November doing something more valuable - like cleaning my house and making more jewelry to sell for the holidays. And one of these days I should probably finish my blog posts about Vegas.

Friends, Fun, and Frozen Treats or Vegas Vacation Part 2

2010-10-31T20:48:00.002-05:00

5:00 AM. That's when my body thought I needed to be awake on Thursday morning. Remember that little note at the end of the Part 1 post? Yeah. Two hour difference between Vegas and home. 5:00 AM in Vegas is 7:00 AM back home. On a typical Thursday, I'm at work at 7:00 AM. My body was confused. Why wasn't I at work? But I had to tell my body that I was in a super-comfy bed that wasn't my own. I could go back to sleep. I had nowhere to be that morning.

I really wanted eggs benedict for breakfast. It was after 9 when I finally made it to the cafe downstairs. Thankfully, eggs benedict was on the menu. It was decent, but the coffee was expensive. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. This day was actually a bit of sticker shock to me. After ordering the $18.99 entrée the night before, I was a bit disappointed by prices across the board on the Strip. (By the end of my trip, I was used to it). $3.75 seemed like a lot for a cup of ordinary coffee.

My friends weren’t due to get into town until a bit later in the day, so I decided to wander. I had the comfy shoes on.

First, I ended up at Caesars Palace. Not really feeling like losing a lot of money again, I just sat down at a bar and ordered a drink (I felt like I deserved one). Little did I know that one shot of Absolut in a glass of OJ would run me $11.50. Won’t be making that mistake again – I’ll be gambling the next time I have a drink at Caesars. But I did get in touch with my friends who were driving into town. They thought they’d be there in a couple hours.

I decided to wander some more. I really wanted to see CityCenter – it was under construction the last time I was in Vegas. I took my time and wandered through the Bellagio to the tram to Crystals (that's the newest high-end mall on the Strip). It's a good thing I had plenty of time, though. I literally had to walk through the entire hotel. They really tucked that tram away back there.

Crystals was interesting. I’m used to malls, but this mall was like an optical illusion studded with high-end stores. And it smelled new. A little weird. I didn’t stay too long.

I stopped for lunch at Todd English P.U.B. I at least knew these prices beforehand because they had a menu posted outside the door, so I knew what I was getting myself into. It wasn’t a shock. I had the beer called “Todd’s Urban Brew,” or the “T.U.B.” It was really tasty. And I had the buffalo burger for my lunch, and that was easily worth the money I paid for it. Very tasty, all around. I’d eat there again, no doubt. Great ambiance, too.

I played a bit at the casino at the Aria casino (also new), but just basic penny slots. Didn't lose too much in the end, which is good. But as I was sitting at the Monopoly-themed slot machine, I got the word from my friends that they were in town. They were parking down at Excalibur and were going to meet me on the walking bridge between Excalibur and the New York New York hotel. I actually knew where that was!

Of course, getting there was harder than I expected. I ended up on the bridge going across the other street, headed for the MGM Grand. And then I got a message from my friend saying they couldn't find the way out of Excalibur! Disaster! But eventually we both found our way and met up with each other.

All of my friends were staying in a timeshare a few miles south of the Strip. After meeting up with the first pair of friends, I went with them to check into the timeshare, then we picked up another friend at the airport and did some shopping. The timeshare had a full kitchen (it even had a dishwasher), so the plan was to cook some meals there to save a few bucks. And after the money I had spent on previous meals, it was a relief! They cooked that night, and it was good. Much easier on the wallet than another $20 plate of 6 shrimp. And it was probably better for me, too. The timeshare also had a grill out on the balcony! Pretty sweet.

After dinner, we piled onto the timeshare's shuttle that went to the Strip. It dropped us off at Caesars Palace, and I knew exactly what I wanted for dessert. Part of the Caesars facility was the Serendipity 3 cafe. Their specialty dish was something called "Frozen Hot Chocolate." I had seen it on TV and read about it online, but I really wanted to know what it would taste like. There were four of us, but neither of us were particularly hungry, so we decided to share one dessert between the four of us. And, man, that was a good idea. The thing was huge. But it was SO good. It tasted like hot chocolate! But it was slushy and frozen. With lots of whipped cream on the top. We did manage to finish it, but only barely.

That was really all we did that night. I was really tired because my body was still (STILL) on Central time. I went back to my room and they went back to the timeshare. I was asleep in no time.

The (pink) Flamingo or Vegas Vacation Part 1

2010-10-31T20:09:00.002-05:00

I know I'm a bit late with this blog entry. I'm sorry for the delay, but I'm hoping to get it all out tonight.

I arrived in Las Vegas on my 30th birthday. Some people may think it was sad for me to be in Vegas alone on my birthday, but I was ok with it. I really wanted to experience Vegas on my own terms. I could explore at my own pace. It was nice.

But it was raining.

Not just raining. It was pouring. Storming. Thunder and lightning. The puddles in the streets were so big they flooded onto the sidewalks.

This was so not ideal.

I took a shuttle from the airport to my hotel. The shuttle driver (from Airport Executive Shuttles or something like that) was a little crazy. He drove like a maniac. Then he didn’t drop me off at the right entrance (where the shuttle drop-off/pick up is). He dropped me off down on the opposite side of the building where I had to walk down the street and all the way through the building before I could find the front desk. Oh, and he had to drive on the wrong side of the street to get me there. Very scary. And rainy. But I’m pretty sure that was the only true downside of the day.

Once I found the check-in desk at the Flamingo, everything was simple. Check-in was a breeze. My room was right next to the elevators. And I was completely in love my room. It had a retro look to it, but it was very high-tech. The drapes were motorized, controlled by a switch by the bed. There was a huge plasma TV. There was even a TV in the bathroom! And the room was just downright huge. I loved it. It even had a fridge and a little coffee pot, which is more than you get in a typical Las Vegas hotel room.

After getting settled, I made my way down to the casino. I really like craps, but my friends who were going to be joining me later aren’t really gamblers, so I decided to do the bulk of my gambling while they weren’t there. I found a table that seemed to have some good action, and I gambled the night away.

… well, not really. I gambled until I lost about $80 and decided that I couldn’t bear to lose any more on the first day. Not at a craps table, anyway. And I was getting hungry. It had only been about 45 minutes and I had two cocktails while playing. I needed to find some dinner.

Not being entirely familiar with the Flamingo casino/hotel, it took me an embarrassingly long time to find my way outside. I had heard good things about the nachos at Margaritaville, so I made my way there. Turns out it’s attached to the Flamingo, so I didn’t really need to go outside to get there at all. And I shouldn’t have gone outside, because it was wet out there. Not comfortable. I eventually got a table and did not order the nachos because I’m a fool. Instead, I got the coconut shrimp which was extremely disappointing, especially for the price. I should have gone for the nachos. Actually, I probably should have gone to another restaurant, because I just wasn't enough of a Parrothead to enjoy a Jimmy Buffet-themed restaurant by myself. At least the margarita was decent.

I went for a walk after dinner, as the rain had cleared, but it was still wet outside, and my feet were not happy with me. I should have stayed indoors. But it was nice to see the Strip by night on my birthday.

By the way, did you know that Las Vegas is in the Pacific Time Zone? It was very easy for me to get to sleep after my walk.

Flying While Fat: A Follow-Up

2010-10-26T15:07:00.004-05:00

I want to talk about Vegas. I really do. But first, I want to talk about my experience in the air.

You may have read some of my previous posts about Flying While Fat. Most notably, this one: Flying While Fat: Part 2. That's where I basically planned my flights to Vegas.

If you don't feel like reading that one, let me sum it up. I booked my flights with Southwest Airlines not only because they were cheapest, but also because they were the most generous with their policy for "customers of size." As a large woman, I've never been comfortable sitting on an airplane.

What I had to do with Southwest was buy two tickets, and after the flights there was a chance that the second seat could be refunded. Since Southwest uses "cattle call" boarding (no assigned seats), I also was able to pre-board because I had to be guaranteed two seats together. There's no point to having two seats if I can't spill over into the second one.

I got to the airport last Wednesday a little early because I didn't really know what was going to happen once I got there. Because of the two seats situation, I didn't want to check in online before my flight.

The person at the check-in counter was a little clueless. But luckily, she was smart enough to ask another person how to handle a "customer of size." Soon, I was on my way to the security line with boarding passes and seat reservation signs. Since Southwest flies out of the Humphrey terminal (excuse me - Terminal 2), the line was short and within a few steps I was at my gate. One of my favorite things about Southwest? They have nice leather seats in their gate areas. Not a lot of them, but if you get there early enough, you've got a comfy option while you wait.

The gate agents were fantastic. You know those Southwest commercials you see on TV where all their employees are happy-go-lucky and totally love their jobs? They're really like that! It was crazy. One dude was even singing over the PA. It was great. I was amused. They were also really good to me when I asked about when I was supposed to board. Turns out I had to talk to them so I could get a pre-boarding pass. Of course, the pass said "Pre-Board on the basis of disability" on it. I wasn't so sure how I felt about that - I don't really see my size as a disability... but it turns out that those are the only pre-boarding passes they have. They also have the option of people paying extra to be able to board early, and those people get the same pre-boarding passes. So I'm ok with that now.

I got on the plane, put the reservation pass on the seat next to me, and settled in for the flight. It was perfect. I didn't feel cramped. I didn't feel like I was invading anybody's space. And no one gave me that "I sure hope I don't end up sitting by her" look. Finally. This is how I plan to travel until I lose weight.

I realize that I'm really talking up Southwest. I should point out that Frontier also has a policy where they'll refund the second seat if the flights are not oversold. I'm sure they're just as fantastic as Southwest - I've just never flown with them before.

So that's Flying While Fat. Next up: Vegas!

Back in Blog

2010-10-12T16:18:00.003-05:00

I'm such a bad blogger. I haven't posted at all this month! I'm going to blame it on stress. And laziness. But mostly stress. But it's good stress!

Wait a minute... how can stress be good?

All of my stress can be traced back to one thing: I'm crazy busy lately. And busy is good.

I'm busy at work because business is picking up. Also, I'm trying to catch up and get ahead with all of my stuff because I'll be on vacation - starting in 8 days, I'll be on my awesome trip to Las Vegas. I'm beyond excited.

Remember that jewelry show I was getting ready for? Yeah, had that. And it went really well - now I'm working on filling orders. That's right. Filling orders. People liked my stuff so much that they want me to make more of it, and they want matching bracelets and earrings. I'm overjoyed, but it's more work than I was expecting. I had to go shopping for new beads. I have to learn a new technique. But it's all good. Some of my coworker friends have given me the confidence and ideas necessary to start my own jewelry business. I just need to find a web designer and register the domain name, and I'll be ready. But I'll probably start that in 2011. No time now. But keep your eyes peeled for Baubles by Becky.

I'm also still walking, though I'm not going to hit my 30 miles by the time I turn 30. I'm so exhausted these days that it's hard to get outside and walk. I plan to really get back into it once I'm back from Vegas - that way work will be less stressful, and I'll be able to focus on the actual walking. Oh, and I've started running a little bit, too. Fun! But a little scary. I still plan to do the half marathon next year.

On top of everything else, I know that National Novel Writing Month will be starting soon. I plan to try again this year, but I haven't given it a single thought beyond that - no idea what I'll be writing about this time. I hope it's fun, though. I hope I write something I actually like - those seem to be the times when I'm the most successful.

Oh, I forgot about my other element of stress! I need a roommate. Do you know anyone who needs a cool place to live in SW Minneapolis? Preferably someone with a job who can afford $500/month plus utilities? Because, really, I need a roommate. I can't afford this place on my own!

A Note to Adoring Fans

2010-09-27T12:13:00.002-05:00

Dear Blog Readers:

Sorry I have been neglecting you. I didn't intend to leave you all alone this last week. Really, I didn't. I don't know what happened. I just blinked and all of a sudden, last week was over!

I've also been spending my free time furiously making jewelry. I decided to have a little show at work, since my coworkers tend to like my designs. At least they say they do. We'll find out for sure if they're willing to pay for any of it, I guess. Anyway, I scheduled the show for October 1. "That's plenty of time - a whole month away!" I told myself. It's also a Friday. And a payday.

See, I was thinking ahead.

Except... I wasn't thinking as far ahead as I thought. October 1? That's this Friday. Mere days away.

Did you catch that? October starts this week.

There's so much I need to do before Friday, including (but not limited to): building up my stock so my adoring fans have plenty to choose from, figuring out how to get everything to work on the bus, figuring out how to display everything so it looks pretty and inviting, and I need to price everything and get it ready for sale.

Yowza. It's going to be a busy week.

So, dear readers, I will probably be neglecting you again this week. And I'm sorry for that.

Love, Me.

30 Miles to 30

2010-09-20T17:07:00.002-05:00

I realized this morning that in 30 days, I'll be 30 years old.

30 days until 30. Huh. That sounds significant. Something like this should be chronicled. But how should I celebrate? How should I count down the last few days of my 20s?

I made a post on Facebook. Should I watch 30 movies? Eat 30 hamburgers? Write 30 short stories?

Then it hit me. I'm working on walking a lot. Eventually I'm going to run a half marathon. I decided that I will walk 30 miles over the next 30 days. I can do that. That's not far off from my current training schedule.

Yes, in 30 days I will be 30. Now I can also say in 30 miles I'll be 30. 30 miles to 30.

Today was the first part of the "30 Miles to 30" workout. My schedule told me I was supposed to walk 1.5 miles. Not bad. Even better? The sun came out just in time for me to go outside. It had been dark, gloomy, and drizzling all day long. I had a headache. I didn't want to go for this walk. But I did, and the sun came out. It was warm. I got sweaty.

I also learned something new: I am Becky, the Gnat Killer. Yes. There are a lot of bugs out there. Most of them are tiny. Many of them ended up dead on the front of my shirt. Seriously. It looked like the front grill of a car after a long road trip. Completely gross.

I walked 1.5 miles. It took me 29 minutes and 14 seconds. This was my longest workout so far using the Nike+ add-on for my iPod. Celebrating the milestone, Lance Armstrong's voice came on the iPod and congratulated me on the achievement. It would have felt really awesome, but the same thing had already happened on Saturday. I have a feeling that Lance and I are going to become good friends through this. I can't wait to find out who the other celebrity voices they have to cheer me on.

Hey. My headache is gone! Awesome. Though that might be a result of the ibuprofen I took before my walk.

30 Miles to 30: 1.5 miles down, 28.5 miles to go.

Community

2010-09-15T12:41:00.002-05:00

For once, I am not talking about a TV show. Though, for the record, I hear "Community" is a great and hilarious show. I saw an episode on an airplane last winter and it was pretty funny.

No. This time I'm talking about the actual word "community." Not a proper noun. Just a regular, everyday, run-of-the-mill noun.

Dictionary.com has many definitions for the word "community," including:

"a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists"
"similar character; agreement; identity"
"the community, the public; society"

Now, aside from my annoyance over the use of a word to define itself, I think those are pretty clear. Generally, these three definitions are what I have in mind when I talk about community below.

Good, that business is out of the way. Time for the meat of the post!

I graduated from college in 2002. I went to a Lutheran school, and while I was there, I felt I had a church community to which I belonged. I also had my school community, and many of both of those groups remain my friends today.

However, shortly after graduation, I realized that the whole church thing just wasn't for me. I no longer identify myself as a Christian, and most often refer to myself as an atheist. (We can save the religious debates for another time - I have given a lot of thought to this issue over the years, and it's not what this topic is ultimately about).

I have a group of friends - fantastic friends, the best a girl could ask for - who are probably best described as the "Becky Community," at least from my point of view. They're my community, but it's a small one. My family, smaller than my group of friends, also fits into this group, as I share a lot of friends with my family members.

I have a job, and with that job comes a number of coworkers (hello, coworkers!) who I consider to be my work community.

Aside from that, I have nobody. No more communities from which to meet new people. No outreach beyond the limitations of Facebook. Since I no longer belong to any church, I don't have that group to draw from.

I suppose, geographically, I have the city of Minneapolis as a community. But these days, no one goes out and talks to their neighbors. I talk to the people who live in the other side of my duplex because we share a garage and a front door. I've spoken to the neighbors in the next house over because their dog will sometimes run over to our yard. But that hardly makes it a community. Generally, we're a society of loners. Loners who don't trust other people with their names, let alone open themselves up to the vulnerabilities of friendship.

Where the hell am I supposed to meet new people? I can't just go knocking on people's doors - they'll think I'm trying to sell them something!

"But wait!" you readers yell, "There's one community left! The Internet!"

Right! How could I forget about you, my beloved interwebs?

You see, everyone who reads this blog becomes part of this online community. We share our stories and our thoughts. That's one of the things I learned at the Minnesota Blogger Conference, after further reflection. There is a strong blogger community here in Minnesota. In the last week I've met a lot of new people, and even more people have stopped by here at Things You Really Didn't Want to Know.

(Hmm. Just realized how wordy my blog title is. Might need to think up a new one and make "tyrdwtk" the subtitle.)

So I want to thank all of you. Thank you for reading my blog and sharing your blogs and your thoughts with me. Thank you for being my community.

Athletics - Both Personal and Professional

2010-09-13T19:06:00.002-05:00

Lots of topics to cover in today's post.

If you didn't know already, I'm currently training for a half marathon. Thankfully, it's over a year away. Today in my training schedule, I was supposed to walk for twenty minutes. That's it. A mere 20 minutes. Not much, right? For me, it's quite a bit. I managed to go a whole mile today, and I'm happy about that. I have 13.1 miles to conquer before next November, and I'm getting close on that first one.

As for professional athletics, my heart belongs to baseball. And as long as it's still baseball season, I'll watch baseball if the Twins are playing. The Twins have been having a great year, and I look forward to watching them until the bitter end. This week, starting tomorrow, the Twins have a three-game series with their rival team, the Chicago White Sox. I'm insanely excited about this series. It should be fantastic.

Being the geek girl that I am, it's a bit surprising how much I enjoy sports - at least baseball and football. I'm in two fantasy football leagues this year (and, being the total nerd that I am, I want to add the word "final" before the word "fantasy" any time I talk about fantasy football - I've played too many video games). My teams haven't been so great. But I think I figured out why I enjoy fantasy football - it's all about the stats. The way your team scores points is purely based on individual stats from the game itself. I love it.

Though, I must say - I'm starting to question my choice of Joe Flacco (of the Baltimore Ravens) for my quarterback. I'm watching him play tonight and he was sacked and fumbled the ball on his first play, and just now threw a massive interception. I hope this game is a fluke.

Another reason I like football: it includes terms like "sack" and "tight end," and my personal favorite "long snapper." I don't know why that last one amuses me so much, but it always makes me giggle.

Side note: I'm watching Monday Night Football on ESPN, and I keep seeing commercials for a movie called "Devil" about people trapped in an elevator where horrific things happen. Yes. This will surely cure my fear of elevators.

Unbridled Narcissism

2010-09-11T19:27:00.002-05:00

In the immortal words of James Lileks, writing a blog is "unbridled narcissism."

That's just one of the things that I learned at the Minnesota Blogger Conference today. I learned a lot.

I learned that it's not unusual that I write about myself. Apparently a lot of bloggers do. Really, looking back, I shouldn't be surprised. I read a lot of personal blogs, and I know that others write them. I guess it was just reassuring to see and meet a bunch of other people who basically keep a journal as a blog, like me.

I learned all about Google Analytics. I already have it set up on this blog, but it was really great to learn how to use it better and learn more about the visitors to my site.

I learned about blogging tools, like Posterous, Tumblr, and SquareSpace. I'm contemplating moving my blog to a new place, but I have a lot of research to do on the subject. If I really am serious about this blog thing, though, I really should consider something more serious than Blogspot.

Perhaps most importantly, I learned that I'm shy. Of course, I already knew that I was shy. I've been shy my whole life. But this is the first time in quite a while that I've been thrown into a situation where I don't know anybody. I'm not good at talking to people I don't know. I'm not good at introducing myself. It kind of felt like the first day of school or the first day at a new job. Also, there was no booze. I'm way more outgoing when booze is involved (just asked the folks who shared a table with me at the Bulldog after the conference... it doesn't even take much to get me talking).

Wow, I just realized how sad that sounds. I don't need alcohol to meet people. It just makes things easier for me. I think I was just intimidated by the number of people there - over a hundred bloggers in one room. And a lot of these people were successful, making lives and careers out of their blogs. Mine is just a lark, really, something I do for fun.

Of course, that gets me thinking, too - was this conference even for someone like me? A casual blogger who sporadically posts about her life? I don't know. I enjoyed it, so that has to count for something. I did take something home from it, too (and I'm talking about more than just the notebooks they gave to every attendee). But I doubt I'll ever achieve the kind of success through blogging that many at this conference have gotten.

Well, whether I belong or not, I still believe James Lileks with the whole unbridled narcissism thing. I started keeping this blog because I like talking about myself and the things on my mind. Is that so wrong?

(Side note: the spell check on the Blogger web interface does not think that "bloggers" is a word, nor does it think "Blogspot" is a word. However, "blogger" singular is a word, as is "blogging" and "blogs." I think they might need to expand their dictionary to encompass more words related to their subject matter.)

Quick Update

2010-09-09T21:06:00.002-05:00

No time for a full-length post today.

I just finished watching my DVR-ed episode of Master Chef from last night. There was a little ad in the corner of the screen that announced the auditions for Season 2 of the show.

Of course, I went to the website after I was done watching the show. Not a lot of info up yet, but there's a spot where you can submit an application. You have to include a picture of yourself and a paragraph about why you think you should be the next Master Chef.

A picture? Really? I mean, I know it's ultimately a TV show. If you're on the show, your face is going to be broadcast across America on television. But I don't think how you look should play a part in whether or not you get to audition for the show. I mean, it's about cooking, right? Food? Not how well I photograph.

Whatever. I don't know if my half-marathon training will get in the way of this. I might postpone the Master Chef auditioning until after the Valley of Fire trip. It might be too much to handle if I were to get anywhere in the audition process - because I'm certainly not going to abandon the half marathon.

I don't know. Need to think about it. I'm also waiting for more info to be posted on the Master Chef auditions. For example, if they're going to come to the Twin Cities, I might have to go for it. But I don't know...

... yeah. Not sure.

Ok, I guess that post wasn't so short after all.

American Cuisine and the Stairway of Death

2010-09-08T12:01:00.002-05:00

Today's topics are completely unrelated. Mostly.

Since I'm trying to make better decisions about what I'm putting in my body (to coincide with the whole getting-fit thing I'm trying out), I decided to have a salad instead of the four-cheese chicken penne pasta. Of course, being the fat-addict that I am, I choose one of the least healthy salad options: the Caesar Salad. One of my favorites, too. From the restaurant downstairs from my office, the salads typically come with a piece of bread. I told the guy behind the counter to skip the bread.

"Do you still want croutons?"

"Of course," I replied. I love the croutons in this salad. Of course, that just means that it's even worse for me, health-wise.

It's also, in true American fashion, large enough to feed a family of four. I will probably eat the whole thing, too.

However, I feel like I deserve it today. We had a fire drill at work. In our old building, that meant that we gathered around the entrance to the stairwell and talked about what we would if there were a real fire. In this building, it meant we actually had to evacuate the building. Oh, and the elevators were turned off.

At least it's down and not up. But even down is more work than I ever would have expected. I started getting dizzy after only about five floors. By the halfway point, I had peeled off my fleece jacket (it's cold in the office) and was starting to sweat. At about the 8th floor, my ankle started to hurt and my calves were feeling sore. By the time we walked a block away from the building, I'm surprised I was still standing. My legs were shaking. Every time I shifted my weight, I thought I was going to fall over.

Thankfully we got to take the elevators back up. My legs are still a little sore, but I think I'll be fine in the end. What I learned about this experience is that in the event of a fire, I better get a five-minute head start - because I took those stairs slowly. I didn't want to fall!

Not Feeling it...

2010-09-07T13:15:00.002-05:00

You name it, I'm not feeling it. I'm not in the mood to write a post today.

I'm not in the mood to be at work.

I'm not in the mood to go to Pub Quiz tonight.

I'm not in the mood to do laundry or make dinner.

I'm not in the mood for anything other than sleep.

Except maybe watch some TV. I could probably do that.

Growing Up and Moving On

2010-09-06T17:50:00.003-05:00

Today I went to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival.

When I was a teenager, I absolutely loved Fest. It was my favorite time of year. My first job was out there, and I started working there when I was only 14 years old. I sold disgusting potato skins with cheese sauce and bacon bits. I counted out change and shouted "Huzzah! Twenty pounds for the king!" any time someone handed me a $20 bill. I spoke in a bad English accent. I loved it. I lived for it.

It was hard work - that I can't deny. I learned a lot about life (though not much at all about the actual Renaissance period) and even more about working for a living.

But, to be honest, it was more fun than anything. I got to hang out with other Fest devotees. I got to see all the acts. I learned how to juggle (and I still can). I watched the glass blower and the falconer and the jousting. I rode an elephant and ate a turkey leg. Maybe the best part was that i got to wear a costume - one of those bodices that squished up my boobs and displayed them prominently (though I didn't wear one of those when I was 14 - that came when I was older).

Today was my first trip out to Fest in a few years. Increasing admission cost and just a general lack of time has kept me home. I was kind of excited to get back there.

But once I was there, it just wasn't as exciting as it once was. I wasn't even interested in most of the food. I looked at a lot of jewelry, and other hand-crafted items. They're all very nice, but most of it just isn't my taste anymore. I guess I've grown out of dragons and fairies and swords and amethyst. I did find a few pendants and stones and a pair of earrings, though.

I also enjoyed a couple comedy and juggling shows. I ate beer cheese soup in a bread bowl. That was tasty.

In the end, though, I think I'm done with the Renaissance Festival. It just isn't for me anymore. Those days are behind me.

Team Becky

2010-09-05T13:20:00.004-05:00

I'm completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of support for my decision to run the Valley of Fire half marathon.

I had comments on the post here, tons of comments on Facebook where I posted a link to the post. I got emails and private messages and text messages. All messages and comments of support and encouragement. I even had a friend offer to train for the same half if it keeps me motivated.

Go Team Becky! We're running a half marathon!

Training starts tomorrow, where I'll get in a few hours of walking around the Renaissance Festival. The real training starts Tuesday.

In other news, I'm watching the Twins Legends Game on TV right now. I'm beyond entertained seeing these Twins greats playing at Target Field. A lot of them are not in baseball shape anymore. Someone just threw his glove at a line drive that he had no chance at catching.

I'm so amused. The game just ended. Everyday Eddie Guardado got the save. It was very strange to see Bert Blyleven in a Twins uniform again (and a bunch of other guys, but especially Bert since I see him on TV all the time). Very fun to watch.

But now it's time for real baseball. Go Twins!

New Adventures in Fitness

2010-09-04T21:26:00.002-05:00

I am not in shape. Not by any means. Going up a flight of stairs leaves me winded. Walking more than a couple blocks makes my lower back hurt. My feet are constantly swollen, and I can't fit into most of my shoes. I'm not in shape.

This is a fact.

I want to change myself. I want to be in shape. But it has become such a daunting task that I'm afraid to even begin. Also, I'm so stubborn and set in my daily routine that I don't want to devote the time to working out.

This needs to change.

In my life, I have done (I believe) five 5k races. I walked all of them, a few of them with some running thrown in. My best time was 52 minutes. My last 5k was Thanksgiving last year, where I finished in an hour. It was hard work.

I have some key friends and family members who are into running. They're runners. They do events. They train for marathons and triathlons and relays. To most of them, a 5k is nothing.

One friend has been researching half-marathons to run in the end of the year this year. She narrowed it down to two races: the Tucson half-marathon and the Valley of Fire half-marathon (that's a state park near Las Vegas). After weighing the pros and cons of both, she said to me "I'll do the Tucson one this year if you do the Valley of Fire one with me next year."

I freaked out.

I can't even walk a mile right now. How on earth would I be able to run thirteen miles in a mere year and a couple months?

I'm very good at talking myself out of things. I need others to help talk me into them.

My friend offers words of wisdom. I talk it over with another friend. My biggest fear at this point is, what if I try and work and think I can do it, then get there and fail? How much will that crush me mentally? How destroyed will I feel? Suddenly the fear of failure is worse than the fear of beginning.

My other friend brings up a good point: "Just think of what kind of shape you'll be in a year from now if you do this. Think of that compared to how you are now."

And that was enough. I haven't told my friend yet (she'll find out by reading this), but I'm going to do it. I'm going to start training next week, and I'll do the Valley of Fire half-marathon in 2011. After a bit of research, I've learned that there's a 10k at the same time as the half. I figure if I work towards the half, but don't feel ready (really don't feel ready - not just insecurity, but actually not ready) for a half, I can do the 10k instead. But that's just a safety net.

I'm training for a half-marathon.

Extended Weekend

2010-09-03T18:18:00.004-05:00

Today is the first day of my four-day weekend. I slept in until 8 this morning. It felt great. I made coffee this morning, but it didn't taste great. I think my coffee might be bad. But that's all right - I know how to deal with that.

I think I'm already on my way to making myself feel better all-around. I haven't really been myself lately, and I think taking this extra day to relax will be good for me in the end. You know - getting myself back on track and all that.

And what would the real me do right now? Talk about what I watched on TV last night, of course.

If you haven't watched last night's Project Runway yet, do not read any more of this post. There will be spoilers. You have been warned.

I'm totally addicted to Project Runway. I love it. This season is amazing. Not because of the fashion - in fact, I think the fashion has been particularly awful, but I don't "get" fashion. They always love what I hate and they hate what I love. But that's not what the show is really about. It's about the drama surrounding the people and the game - and boy has this year brought drama.

Anyway, even after that lead, I'm not really going to talk about the drama. I'm going to talk about a dress.

I've said season after season (since I started watching - this is only about the 3rd season I've seen) that they need to do a plus-size challenge on Project Runway - where they need to make something fashionable and flattering to women who wear large sizes. Enough with the stick-skinny models already. Bring on the girls with some meat on their bones. These are the women that your viewers can relate to.

This week wasn't exactly what I hoped for. It was a challenge where a bunch of women came out in their bridesmaid's dresses that they had to wear for their friends, and the designers had to take those dresses and turn them into something that the women could actually wear again - therefore, the women who owned these dresses were the models for the challenge. Some of the women were thin enough to be models. Some of these women were average-sized. One woman - the last one picked, in a bright magenta dress, was big. Maybe not as big as me, but she was big. I was excited to see where they were going to go with this.

The designer, Michael D., was ready for the challenge. Unfortunately, he had no experience designing for a plus-sized woman. He took an ugly color, and just tried to cover it up. He shortened the dress, but didn't help its shape. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't much of an improvement. The model was pleased with it, though. The judges, however, were not.

Michael D. was not going to win this challenge. He didn't deserve to win.

But that doesn't mean his look was the worst. I think there were at least two other dresses that were worse. (Gretchen, I'm looking at you).

Naturally, due to the judges' hatred for the look, he ended up in the bottom three.

All I wanted was for him to be safe. I don't particularly like Michael D. - he's not one of my favorites this season, but I also don't hate him. But I didn't want the one person who had to make a plus-sized dress to go home for it. For some reason, that just didn't sit well with me.

Maybe it's because I'm sometimes an optimist, and I want to believe that there's a chance that nice, cute clothes can be designed for fat girls. I wanted some sort of confirmation that it can be done. And sending home the designer who tried to make something good for a big girl was the exact opposite of the message I wanted to send.

In the end, Michael D. did not go home. He was safe, but only barely. I was relieved (and sad to see Peach go, because she was entertaining).

I'm still hoping for an entire runway full of plus-sized designs on Project Runway, but I don't think it's going to happen any time soon.

I feel like I had an actual point to this post. But I lost it. Took me too long to write it. Extended writing, like my weekend.

... maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

September The Second: the Blog-a-Thon Rolls on

2010-09-02T07:22:00.004-05:00

Just in case anyone was wondering, it's still September. Oh, and today might feel like Friday, but it's not. Today is Thursday. You're welcome.

I've been having some trouble sleeping lately. I haven't been tired at my usual bedtime (between 9:30 and 10), so I've been laying awake in bed trying to fall asleep - because of my early work schedule, I don't want to stay up doing other things or else I'll be a total zombie at work the next morning. (Brains... er, I mean coffee. Coffee...). It's been really frustrating - in addition to having trouble falling asleep, I also have been waking up in the middle of the night.

Not cool, body. Not cool.

Last night was particularly awful. I made one of my favorite dinners - chicken and taco rice. I cut up a chicken breast and season it with taco-related seasonings and saute it. The taco rice is just one of those Lipton "Rice Sides" dishes. Super easy to make, and not bad tasting, either. Add some "taco" cheese (you can buy shredded taco cheese at any store) to the mix and it's a delicious meal!

However, around 1:00 AM, disaster struck. I woke up with the worst acid reflux attack I've ever had. I also felt like I was going to be sick. Naturally, I start to panic. Did I not cook the chicken all the way through? Had it gone bad? Everything tasted ok at the time, but this feeling was not good at all. Far from it. I kept telling myself over and over again not to throw up. When something I eat makes me vomit, I can't eat it again for years. (Those of you who went to college with me - remember how much I hated frosting? That incident that brought that on happened when I was about 11, and I only just started eating frosting again a few years ago). I don't want that to happen with chicken and taco rice. I especially don't want it to happen with something I cooked myself, because I don't know if I'd be able to trust my own cooking.

I ate a few saltines to try to calm my stomach. I took deep breaths. I swallowed a lot. I drank some water.

Eventually, things started feeling normal again. Eventually I was able to lie down. After about an hour, I was starting to fall back asleep.

Of course, my alarm starts going off at 5. Duty calls.

Commence zombification...

Welcome to September

2010-09-01T07:38:00.002-05:00

Hello. My name is Becky and I am a blogger.

I've recently realized this about myself - that I may not really be a writer, but I am a blogger. And to celebrate this recent discovery, I'm going to write a new blog post every day in the month of September.

Hey, did you know September starts today? Crazy, right? What happened to summer?

Through the blogger grapevine, I learned about the September Blog-a-Thon. I heard it from my friend "Luther Liz", who has been very supportive of me in my adventures in blog-land. (By the way, her blog is great and you might want to check it out!)

Why blog every day? I just need to get into the habit of doing it consistently. Usually I only write here when something happens, but I feel like I need to work on my writing skills for even the non-interesting days. I want to take the boring out of my life and make it into something awesome. Maybe I'm naive for thinking I can do this through writing, but it won't hurt to try, right?

Besides, if I can write a novel in 30 days, there's no reason I can't write blog posts for 30 days. There isn't even a word count goal for blogging!

Bring it on, world!

In other news, I'm debating whether or not I want to go to the Minnesota State Fair on Friday. I'm taking the day off work. I don't really want to spend the money on it, since I'm saving that for Vegas, but I absolutely LOVE the Fair and the thought of missing it this year just makes me sad. But maybe once it's done I won't feel sad anymore. I don't know. I do think it would be good walking practice for Vegas, but eating all the deep-fried food-on-a-stick would really hinder the whole concept of trying to get into shape for Vegas. I guess money has to be the deciding factor. Spend it now or save it for later?

On Getting Carded and Turning 30

2010-08-27T11:41:00.002-05:00

My 30th birthday may still be two months away, but I'm well aware of it. It's looming on the horizon, a significant milestone on the highway of life. The thing is, I'm not scared of it anymore. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have denied that it would even happen. Last year I threw my "first annual 29th birthday party," with every intention of having the 2nd annual party this year. I'm still calling it that (or "29th Birthday 2: Electric Boogaloo"), but I have - without a doubt - come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be 30.

I'm actually kind of excited about it now. With age comes wisdom, right? And I'm finally starting to feel "grown up" in other aspects of my life, so why shouldn't I embrace the new decade of my life? I have no reason to resist and every reason to welcome my 30s with open arms.

As for now, I'm twenty-nine and I have a very low tolerance for any person under the age of 25. Even worse is when people think that I'm younger than I actually am, and then they refuse to believe that I'm rapidly approaching 30.

In particular, I hate being carded to buy alcohol. I'll admit that I do look young for my age, but if you look closely, some of those hairs on my head are silver. I am aging, just like everyone else.

They say I should be flattered. I never am. It's more of an annoyance to have to dig in my purse for my wallet and remove my driver's license. I'd rather you assumed I'm older.

I understand that there are laws in this country, and I accept that establishments have to abide by those laws. They err on the side of caution. Generally, the guideline is to card anyone who looks like they're under 30. Great. That means I'll be getting carded for at least the next 5 years, probably longer.

There's a reason this topic is on my mind. I went to a ballgame at Target Field on Sunday. Beer was consumed - it's a part of baseball, in my mind. At the concession stand, I ordered a $7 Bud Light (I didn't have a lot of options at that particular stand), and immediately the woman taking my order asked to see my ID. After inspecting it (front and back), she looked at me and said, "There's no way I would have guessed you were born in 1980." I think I rolled my eyes in response. She obviously thought I was younger. All Target Field vendors are told to card anyone 30 and under. If she thought I was born earlier than 1980, she would not have asked for my ID.

In the stands at the game, I was sitting on the aisle. A vendor selling Mike's Hard Lemonade came by, and I bought one from him. As he's opening the bottle for me, he says something along the lines of "I don't need to see your ID, do I?" To which I respond, "I'm 30." He chuckles and starts to count out my change. "Actually, I'm 29." I'm not a good liar, even when it's a little tiny lie.

"I'm supposed to card you if you're under 30," he responded with a smile.

"I mean I'm 31!" I corrected. The vendor laughed. It was a good exchange, and I think he understood my mentality on the subject.

Sure enough, when he came back around at last call at the end of the 7th inning, I bought another Mike's from him. He's a good salesman.

Really, getting carded isn't that bad - and it doesn't really happen to me all that often. But I think that's why I find it so annoying. But I doubt I'll ever long for my youthful days when I was carded all the time.

All-New Food Adventures Part 2

2010-08-25T11:54:00.003-05:00

Previously, on "Things You Really Didn't Want to Know:" Becky went grocery shopping for some exciting new recipes, made a salad with mango and collard greens and managed to do a load of laundry. Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion.

After finishing the salad, which I admit took longer than I was expecting it to (I blame my poor mango-slicing skills), I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to start the Sloppy Bombay Joes before my laundry was done in the dryer. I don't iron (don't even own one), so all my clothes have to be promptly dealt with after coming out of the dryer so that they don't wrinkle to death. Believe me - death by wrinkle is not the way you want to go. Being unfamiliar with the recipe, I didn't want to have to stop in the middle of it to take 10 minutes to hang up my clothes.

I decided to wait for the laundry to be done. I knew there was about a half hour left on the dryer, and I conveniently had a half hour show saved on my DVR that I still hadn't watched. I sat down with my not-kale salad and ate that while watching the show.

All right, let's skip ahead to the next round of cooking. The Twins game was starting, so I put the TV on that channel and turned the volume up a bit so I could hear what was going on as I cooked.

For starters, I decided to do what the TV chefs always tell me to do first: prepare my mise en place. This meant that I had to mince some garlic and ginger, dice and onion and red bell pepper, and get everything else ready that I was going to need. In hindsight, I probably could have done this step while waiting for my laundry to get done, but it worked out all right for me in the end.

In my adult life, I've only ever owned hand-me-down knives. They're not very sharp, and they're not that great. I'm sure that 20 years ago when they were new, they were fantastic knives, but now they're crap. As an aspiring home cook, this really didn't help my chopping skills. Now that I've got this fancy new set of knives, I got to experience what it's like to use some actual sharp knives. Like the pros.

Not wanting to get into anything too messy just yet, I started by coarsely chopping some pistachios. Piece of cake! Only took about 30 seconds. Beautiful. However, if you look at the recipe, it never says you have to chop the pistachios. I think they were supposed to be kept whole. But that's ok. I chopped them anyway. (I think I was confusing this recipe with the one for the creamy pistachio pops, which does call for chopped pistachios).

Next adventure: ginger! Most of my experience with ginger is in dried, ground form (for gingerbread cookies) or pickled on my sushi plate. I've never used fresh ginger before - but I've seen TV chefs deal with it loads of times. I got out my vegetable peeler and got rid of the... skin? rind? whatever that outside layer is called on ginger. Sliced it, minced it and had a little tablespoon-sized clump of ginger. Beautiful! Garlic was more of the same (excepting peeling it is much easier). Beautiful!

The onion was on deck. (Since I was listening to a baseball game, I figured I'd go with a baseball metaphor for this paragraph). The previous 3 ingredients all got base hits (actually, the pistachios just walked), so the bases were loaded for the onion. Onions make me nervous. I always strike out with them. With a new knife (bat), could this aromatic veggie finally hit a grand slam? The knife comes down, and... well, it was a bases-clearing double. Not out of the park. Turns out I just don't know how to properly dice an onion, but at least it was fast with the super-sharp knife. And it didn't make me cry!

Next up was the red bell pepper. Those of you who know my culinary tastes are probably surprised to see this ingredient. I did buy a small one. I've always hated red bell peppers (and yellow and orange ones, but the green ones are ok). There's just something about them that isn't right, and their flavor always infects anything they touch. But it seemed to be a major part of the flavoring of this recipe, and I couldn't just leave it out. It also didn't seem right to replace it with a green pepper, so I went for it. Red pepper. That was way easier to dice than the onion.

I don't really need to give a play-by-play of the actual cooking for the most part. I just followed the recipe and did what Aarti told me to do. Heating up the raisins was funny - they really did plump up, and I was afraid they were going to explode! I was surprised at how little of the Indian spice, garam masala, went into the sauce. I was terrified that the flavor wasn't going to come through when the whole dish was put together.

So I was happily cooking along, step-by-step. Everything added as I'm told. I got to the point where the ground turkey was done cooking and I added the sauce to the turkey, red pepper, and onion. I want to tell you that it smelled amazing, but it really didn't. It just smelled like food, nothing special (yet). The last step on my recipe print-out was: "Stir and bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer until the mixture has thickened slightly, about 10 minutes."

"Wait a minute," I told myself. "There's something missing here. Where's the half & half, and the honey? And when do I add the raisins and pistachios back in?"

I read through the recipe 3 more times, and confirm on the ingredients list that those items were actually supposed to be used. It all seemed good. Then where was the rest of the recipe? Thankfully, my phone can use the internet (I didn't have time to wait for my laptop to boot up), and I found the recipe on the Food Network website in record time. I was missing a bit of the recipe! I felt like such a fool. Why didn't I check to make sure the whole recipe was there when I printed it out?

In any case, I added the half & half, honey, raisins and pistachios as directed, and finally, my dish was complete.

It still didn't smell special.

Tentatively, I took a bite.

It tasted fantastic. Freaking fantastic. It was rich and flavorful - it really came alive inside my mouth. The honey and raisins added a nice sweetness to the dish.

The best part? I even liked the red bell pepper. It didn't infect the whole dish! I actually LIKED it.

It was a bit more spicy than I expected. I did keep the jalapeno in longer than the recipe suggested, so that could be the source for the heat.

I really didn't need more than that teaspoon of garam masala - I could taste it.

I was fully prepared to "dress up" the dish with some more spices and flavors, but in the end I'm glad I didn't. It really tasted excellent and I probably would have ruined it. A sprig or two of cilantro would have been nice, but there wasn't much I could have done about that.

And that, loyal readers, was my first adventure into Indian cooking, even if it was just one step into the culinary realm. It was fun, exciting, and I'll certainly keep the recipe on hand so I can make it again.

Oh, and here's a picture of the finished product. I didn't buy any buns because they tend to go moldy before I can eat them all. I just ate it out of a bowl. And it was tasty.

All-New Food Adventures Part 1

2010-08-25T07:56:00.004-05:00

I love to cook. But more than that, I love to watch TV. For someone like me, what's better than the Food Network? I watch it all the time. The current season of "The Next Food Network Star" recently finished. For those of you who haven't figured that one out yet, it's a reality show competition where the prize is your own show on the Food Network. I was rooting for Aarti the whole way, and she won. This last Sunday, her new show aired for the first time. I decided I wanted to make everything that she made.

Aarti is Indian (that's from India, not Native American), so naturally she cooks with a lot of Indian flavors. Something she does well is to take typical American dishes and recreates them with Indian flair. In the first episode of her show, she made Sloppy Bombay Joes, and I decided that I just had to give them a try. I also wanted to try the other things she made in her debut: Massaged Kale Salad and Creamy Pistachio Pops.

Monday I went to the store. Because my roommate works for Target, we always do our grocery shopping at Super Target. There's a longer story in there, but I don't want to get into it now. I was afraid that Super Target wouldn't have all the crazy ingredients I needed. I needed kale. Ginger. Cardamom and garam masala. A Serrano pepper - I didn't even know what one of those looked like, and I couldn't remember what it was from when Aarti cooked the recipe on TV. I needed cumin seeds, when I only had powdered cumin. I needed shelled pistachios and pumpkin seeds. I wasn't even sure if they'd have a mango.

Monday night is apparently not a good night to go shopping for exotic (for suburban Minnesota) produce. The label underneath a bunch of leafy greens said "kale," so I picked up a bunch. I didn't bother to check the label that wrapped up the bunch. When I got to the checkout counter, I noticed that the lady rang it up as collard greens. I figured she just had the wrong item number. Turns out it said "collard greens" right on the little label that held the leaves together. I bought the wrong main ingredient for my salad. Never mind. I'd make it anyway.

They were out of cilantro. Completely out. I even asked the produce guy. They were also out of Serrano peppers. I picked up a jalapeno instead. Knowing absolutely nothing about Serrano peppers, I had no idea if the jalapeno was even close to the intensity of a Serrano, but I was familiar with a jalapeno. Looking at this chart, I wasn't too terribly far off, and I erred on the weaker side. Considering my Minnesota taste buds, this was probably a good thing. I also couldn't find pumpkin seeds, shelled pistachios, or cumin seeds. In the end, I decided to leave out the pumpkin seeds, shell my own pistachios, and use the cumin powder instead of seeds. "It'll be fine," I told myself.

I also couldn't find Popsicle molds for the Creamy Pistachio Pops. I decided I'd just make it in a bowl and eat it like ice cream. The recipe even says I can do that.

My roommate also bought a set of knives for me - it's an early birthday present. The reason she bought them now ties into the reason we shopped at Super Target on Monday, and - again - not worth getting into it now. Let's just say that I got some new knives and I'm really excited about them.

Tuesday was cooking adventures day. It was also laundry day. I probably should have just stuck to one domestic endeavor, especially considering the experimental nature of the first domestic task, but laundry needed to be done. I got the first load of laundry into the wash, then started preparing my kitchen for the adventure ahead of me. I had to unpack and wash all the knives since they were new. I also had to clean a few dishes and put the weekend's dishes in the dishwasher. The Creamy Pistachio Pops had to freeze overnight, so I decided against cooking them - I'll make it another night. Instead, I washed the collard greens and removed their stems. By the time I was done slicing the collard greens, my laundry was ready to be moved to the dryer. Took care of that and got back to the salad.

The first thing after chopping the greens was to "massage" them with lemon juice, olive oil, and salt. I've never massaged a vegetable before, so this was a new experience for me. I gently caressed the greens, taking care not to tear them or break them. On TV, Aarti said it would start smelling like bananas after a minute or so. I never smelled bananas - it must be something to do with the kale.

Have you ever tried to dice a mango? It's not easy. Those buggers are slippery once the peel has been removed.

I've never made my own salad dressing before. This one consists mainly of lemon juice, olive oil, and honey. Now, I have a confession to make. I'm not really a big fan of olive oil. I hate the way it smells. The taste is all right, but I can't eat it without smelling it. This dressing has a lot of olive oil in it. A lot. I think that if (when?) I make this salad again, I won't use quite so much oil. It was too much for me.

Overall, the salad was quite tasty (except for the whole olive oil thing), and it would have been nice to get a little crunch from the pumpkin seeds that were supposed to be in there, but it wasn't bad. I'd really like to try it again with kale.

Here is a picture:

Since this post is now the length of a short novel, I'm going to make you wait for the next installment.

To be continued!

Next time, on "Things You Really Didn't Want to Know:" Becky learns about the usefulness of sharp knives and the wonders of ginger. Find out what happens when disaster strikes and Becky realizes that the entire recipe didn't print out. What will she do???

Say Hello to My Little Friend

2010-08-23T09:39:00.003-05:00

That's the Samsung Vibrant, my fancy-pants new phone.

I'm already a little bit in love with it. Although I have to say - it did come with quite a few features that I didn't care about at all. For example, to show off its amazing HD video capability (seriously, the screen on this thing is awesome for a hand-held device), it came loaded with the movie "Avatar," which most of you know I have no desire to see. I watched the first 30 seconds of it to see what the picture was like. That's about the extent of it, though. Now I just have to figure out how to delete it.

I wasn't planning on getting this phone. I wanted something cheaper. Instead of top-of-the-line, I wanted the top-of-the-line from last year. You know - the phones that have dropped in price to a place where they're affordable. No, I wasn't planning on picking up the most expensive phone in the store. But there was one thing that swayed me: included pre-loaded in the phone was an Amazon Kindle reader.

I've been having an internal debate about the Amazon Kindle (or the Nook from Barnes & Noble) for months now. Is it worth the money? Would I actually like it? Will I stop reading paper books if I get one, making my entire book collection moot? Is it really worth the money?

For this one, I didn't have to pay a dime (well, I had to pay for the phone, but I probably would have gotten it anyway). How could I say no? I already downloaded a bunch of old classics that are available for free. Even better, using the application on my phone doesn't seem to have too much of an effect on the battery level, which seems to be the main weak point with this thing. The battery barely lasts all day if I use the phone too much. But from what I understand, that's common with smartphones - so if that's my biggest complaint, I think I'm satisfied.

So I have a new phone. I love it. It's so pretty.

Thinking About Phones

2010-08-16T15:24:00.003-05:00

For some reason, I'm getting the itch to finally upgrade my smartphone to something actually current.

For those of you who aren't up-to-date on the Saga of the Smartphone, at the beginning of the summer I decided that I wanted a smartphone. After some shopping and reevaluation of my budget, I decided I could do it, and conveniently, my dad had an extra Android Google G1 phone laying around. It's an excellent introduction to smartphone technology, and I've really been enjoying using it. Plus, it was free!

But it's old. It's kind of slow. The camera is only mediocre and doesn't have a flash.

In the post I made before, I broke down a lot of the phones T-Mobile had available. Now a lot of those prices have come down, and there are newer, state-of-the-art phones available. I'm thinking of stopping at a T-Mobile store after work to see what I can afford these days. It seems to change quite frequently.

In other smartphone news, they finally started charging me for the data plan. I thought it would have happened last month, or even the month before. But I got the first 30 days free... except it was more like I got the first 80 days free. Oh well. I'm glad they finally added it to my bill, though. I was afraid I was going to get stuck with a huge charge for the data usage once they finally realized what was going on. At least now I'm paying what I was expecting to pay all along.

Edited to add: Friday. That's when I'm going phone shopping for real. I'm doing summer hours this week, so I get out of work at 2, I get paid, and there's no reason I should stop myself. This is something I've wanted to do all summer. Why not Friday? It also gives me something to look forward to.

Books-n-Things

2010-08-13T10:10:00.002-05:00

Thanks to a post from Grammar Girl on Facebook, I learned that Penguin Books is accepting unsolicited manuscripts until the end of October.

I've wanted to be a writer since I was a little girl. Dig through a box of my memories, and you'll stumble across a spiral notebook with a blue cover. Inside, on the first page, you'll see the title of the first novel I tried to write: "The Planet Ruled By Dogs." After the obligatory chapter designation, you will see (most of) the first sentence: "Once upon a time in a gala." That's it. I'm assuming I meant to write "galaxy" there, but I had no idea how to spell it, so I stopped writing.

In my youth, my writing adventures also led me to write a novel about my Lego pirate characters (way before pirates were cool), and the story of a female TV reporter who became a detective. I also tried my hand at sci-fi and wrote about an alien space vessel running from the evil alien overlord Gorgaxx.

At one time, I even created a pen name for myself. Not sure why I needed one, but it seemed like a good thing to do at the time. For a while, all the stuff I wrote included a "by Michelle Hamilton" tag line. I'm surprised I remember that one. I think I really wanted to be a Michelle when I was a kid.

The January after I graduated from college, I made a New Year's Resolution to do some writing - real writing, not some silly email I had to write for work or anything - every single day. I stuck with it until about September. I actually made some significant progress in what I considered my "real novel." That one even has an outline, and a title. "Tragically Flawed," it's called. It's a semi-autobiographic novel about a woman a lot like me who goes on a lot of first dates trying to find a good guy. She also has other challenges to overcome - at one point, she makes a life-changing career move. But after that year, I didn't really work on it again. It remains unfinished.

I've written since the downfall of "Tragically Flawed," but nothing serious. National Novel Writing Month comes and goes every year. Sometimes I finish, sometimes I quit. But I've never created anything there that's worth working on or polishing. Certainly nothing I could bear to submit to a publisher.

You could say that I am a writer. You're reading my writing right now. And I really enjoy writing in this blog. I guess I just always pictured myself to be a fiction writer. This blog is far from fiction, and I don't really know how to translate this kind of writing (the kind I'm best at) into something as lengthy as a novel, or with any kind of plot. My hairstylist once told me I should write essays like David Sedaris. I do like David Sedaris, and I could likely fill a book with all the stories I can tell, but if that's the sort of book that I want to submit to Penguin. I think I lack the necessary confidence. And experience. Maybe even talent.

But at the same time, wouldn't it be great to tune into NPR and hear me reading one of my essays on "This American Life?" I would enjoy that very much.

Perhaps the best thing for me now is to keep doing what I'm doing. I'll keep up the blog and you'll keep reading it. Fun for everyone, even if it's not NPR.

Deja Vu All Over Again

2010-08-10T08:55:00.002-05:00

Why do I feel like I've written on this topic before? I really do. Maybe I just put it in a status update on Facebook or something, because I looked and didn't find it in my blog history here or in my notes history on Facebook.

If I have written on this topic, I apologize for the redundancy. If not, then please disregard this disclaimer.

Dating websites. That's nothing new. We all know that I use the internet to meet men. If anyone is surprised by this, you must be a first-time reader. Name the dating website and I've probably used it at some point in time.

My favorite dating website is still OK Cupid, mainly because it's free. Today I went there to just check and see how things are. I clicked the button to "roll the dice" for a random match's profile to be displayed.

The guy who appeared is reasonably good-looking (if a bit thin), seems nerdy enough but not too nerdy. The profile was mostly well-written except for a misused "your" in one section (he should have used "you're"). He's 30 years old and lives in Minneapolis. But he's in a wheelchair.

Now, I like to think that I'm progressively-minded and that I take people for who they are, not by their physical limitations. Don't judge a book by its cover and all that. But there's also part of me that wonders if I'm just too shallow to date a guy in a wheelchair.

Suddenly, another thought rears its ugly head in my mind. What if I'm only thinking about contacting this guy because it means that if I end up dating him, I won't have to walk up any stairs while out on a date? I get really sweaty, and it's sometimes embarrassing while I'm out with a man and my back starts sweating because we climbed a particularly large flight of stairs. Is this a lose-lose? Am I shallow AND an awful person?

I don't know. Maybe I'll hold off and try to figure out if I'm actually interested. Or maybe I should figure out if he's interested in me. I saved him as a favorite on OK Cupid, and the site will notify him that someone has done that. If he contacts me, I'll give it a shot and we'll see what happens...

Personal History Tidbit and Things I Learned on the Internet

2010-08-04T09:28:00.003-05:00

I originally intended to include this Personal History Tidbit in my post last week about cooking and cooking competition TV shows, but I totally forgot. I remembered when I was watching Master Chef last night.

When I was a kid, I hated the idea of cooking. My step-mom could tell you a story about how I once said that cooking to me was putting a piece of lunchmeat between two pieces of bread, or something along those lines. I also remember telling my parents (probably when I was even younger) that when I grew up, I wanted to either marry a guy who was rich so that we could eat out all the time or marry a guy who liked to cook so that I didn't ever have to.

I was really resistant to learning in the kitchen. I didn't want to cook, so why did I have to learn? I knew how to make a sandwich - how much more complicated did it need to get? I could live off sandwiches.

As you know, I'm still single. But somewhere along the line, I learned that cooking is fun, that I really do like it, and that I want to do more of it. I don't need a man to do my cooking for me, and I can get rich on my own if I play my cards right (which means I probably shouldn't be updating my blog right now - I should be working instead).

To tie my two subjects together, I'll admit here that I'm still a complete novice when it comes to cooking. I'll call my aunt for tips on how to cook things, sometimes my parents, or I'll pick up a few tricks from the Food Network if I'm actually paying attention. But if none of those sources work out, I turn to the Internet.

Before a few weeks ago, I had no idea how to bake a potato. That's right. 29 years old and completely clueless about basic cooking. I had made a "baked" potato in the microwave before (but that's gross), but never in an oven. How long was I supposed to cook it? What temperature? Do I need to flip them over or poke them or anything? Thanks to the magic of the internet, I was able to quickly find step-by-step instructions. Lo and behold, about an hour later, I had piping hot, delicious baked potatoes.

However, I didn't retain this knowledge. It left my mind shortly after I finished washing the dishes that night. Last week, I wanted to make a baked potato because I realized I had all the fixings for my very own loaded baked potato (bacon, sour cream, cheese, and chives). I couldn't for the life of me remember how to bake a potato - I remembered that it took a long time. I also remembered that I had to poke holes in the potatoes. But what temperature and for how long? Thank you, trusty Internet! You always come through for me.

50 minutes later, I checked on my two potatoes that were in the oven. I had poked holes in both of them. The potato on the left (let's call him "Horace") looked beautiful - golden brown and tasty, just like a potato should look. His buddy, on the other hand (let's call him "Maurice"), looked as if he had fallen victim to a zombie attack: the top of his skin had split open and his innards and brains were splattered all over the right side of the oven. Maybe Horace attacked Maurice to make himself look better. Maybe Maurice couldn't take the heat and got out of the kitchen by taking his own life. Maybe it really was potato zombies. Whatever it was, it was total carnage.

In the end, I ate both Horace and what was left of Maurice. They were both delicious. I think the problem was that Maurice was a bit too small and I cooked him too long. I probably should have gone for 30-40 minutes and then checked on them. Next time, I'll do that. Or I'll just choose bigger potatoes. (I picked smaller ones because that way I didn't feel guilty about eating two).

All right, that story was considerably longer than I was planning. I was also going to talk about the Kanye New Yorker Tweets, where my favorite comedy-music duo Paul & Storm decided to take Kanye West's tweets on Twitter and use them as captions for New Yorker cartoons. They're funny. Check them out.

On Cooking and Passion

2010-07-28T20:55:00.002-05:00

Today I returned home from a fantastic vacation in Kansas City. There are two things I'm going to talk about here (and neither one is baseball, the purpose of the vacation). One: it's f-ing HOT in Kansas City in late July. Hot and HUMID. Next year we're going in the spring.

Also, I had one of the greatest dishes I've ever tasted. I've always liked lamb, and I have a soft spot for ribs for quite some time. Lamb ribs? Never had them before. But I had them for lunch yesterday and it was the most amazing culinary experiences of my life. At Jack Stack's BBQ, I tasted heaven in my mouth. If you're ever in Kansas City, they have a few locations. Get the lamb ribs (they have a lunch portion, too). You'll thank me later.

When I came home from the vacation, I had to catch up on my TV shows. They included: "The Next Food Network Star," "Hell's Kitchen," and the first episode of "Master Chef." As I'm watching these shows - especially the last one, I realized something: I truly do have a passion for food. I felt it there in Kansas City in the form of mouth-watering, savory lamb ribs. I want to learn how to make those lamb ribs so I can cook them every day. I love cooking. I'm good at it. At least, I think I'm good at it.

I still think I need more practice. I need more tools (a good set of knives, to start). I need to learn some more techniques. But I can get there. I can get really good.

I'm thinking that maybe I should watch the auditions for Master Chef. If they come to the Twin Cities, I could try out for it. I could win. Or at least I could have an experience I'd never forget.

Or, I won't get anywhere. Maybe I'm not good at all. Maybe everyone who tells me my food is good doesn't know any better. Or maybe they're just saying it's good so that I feel better.

I'd rather go into this thinking I'm good. I'm good, and I'm going to get better.

Trying.

2010-07-20T12:51:00.004-05:00

I joined another online dating website today. I wrote the stupid "about me" section and described the qualities I like in men. I listed movies and books and music that I like. I hate all this crap, but I did it. Again.

I feel like my life has become stagnant. It's been a long time since I've been on a date. It's been even longer since I felt a real connection with someone. This is the part that freaks me out the most about turning 30. I thought maybe finding a fresh batch of guys to choose from would help me, maybe get me excited about finding someone again. But it looks like the type of person on this new site isn't my type of guy. Haven't found a single geek/nerd yet.

I do the same thing every day. I go to work. I come home from work. I watch some TV, I make dinner, I watch some more TV. Maybe I make a necklace or two or some earrings. I go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. But the thing is, I like my life. Do I really want to find someone to interrupt a routine that's become such a comfort to me?

Well, unless I want to spend the rest of my life crying, I should probably do something about this lonely thing I've been feeling. Hence the new dating website.

I've heard through the grapevine that my roommate is thinking about moving in with her new boyfriend. That's all I'm going to say about that.

In other news, next week I'll be in Kansas City. I'm finally going on a road trip with my baseball buddy to watch the Twins play the Royals. It should be really fun. We're also going to an amusement park. That better be fun, because it's called "Worlds of Fun." I hope it lives up to its name.

JoCo Cruise Crazy

2010-07-13T16:28:00.002-05:00

I live a decent life, I make a decent living, and I even have disposable income. I can take vacations and see people I want to see and visit places I want to visit.

But I can't go on the JoCo Cruise Crazy. I'm far more depressed about this than I should be.

If you remember my post from about a month ago about the amazing concert experience known as w00tstock, you will know how much I loved the night. The JoCo Cruise is pretty much the same thing (minus Adam Savage, plus Jonathan Coulton - most of the other acts are the same), only it's a 6-day Caribbean cruise. Basically, it sounds like the greatest thing on land or sea.

But in order to go, I'd need at least $1300. Probably more. And a friend to go with me so I don't have to stay in a cabin with a stranger (theoretically they wouldn't be a stranger by the time the cruise set sail because we'd set it up before booking, but it will still be someone I've never met) - they have some big charges for single-occupancy. So not only would I need $1300, but a friend of mine would need $1300 as well. Oh, and most of that needs to be paid by October 1. The cruise is in January.

I can't go.

There's no way, not with my upcoming trips to Kansas City and Las Vegas, that I could save that kind of money in time. And I'm sad about that. Probably more than I should be.

Frowny face.

Opposite of Shy

2010-07-12T21:55:00.002-05:00

Just a quick post here before I go to bed. I fully meant to write this earlier this evening, but I was distracted my a Netflix DVD that came in the mail.

Back when I was in high school, especially in its earlier years, I was extremely shy. Being involved in music and drama really helped me break out of my shell, but I've always been on the shy side. Even now, when I often describe myself as an extrovert, I'm really just shy little me putting on a face of boldness, pretending I can be an outgoing person.

This all changes in an online setting. As many of you know, I'm active on a lot of the online dating websites. My favorite is OK Cupid mainly because it's free, and has a lot of fun features like personality tests and questions to answer.

On the internet, especially on dating sites, I'm very outgoing. I'll send messages to anyone. On OK Cupid, I'm the opposite of shy.

Today I fear I was a little too bold. I think I made a mistake and came on way too strong. I read a guy's profile that seemed to be written directly to me, and of course, the anti-shy that I am there, I said exactly that in a message to this guy who I've never even had contact with. He's just some words and pictures on a screen. For all I know, none of those pictures are real, and all the words are fiction.

Or, worse, it's all real and I scared off the perfect guy because I'm not shy when I should be. I've been compulsively checking my account all day. No reply, but he's logged on to his account since I sent the message. He had to have seen it.

I'm such an idiot. Apparently when I let my fingers do the talking I forget to let my brain do the thinking.

Downtown Minneapolis and Skyway Guilt

2010-07-07T09:09:00.006-05:00

I love this city. I really do. But sometimes it's hard to love Minneapolis.

Working downtown, for example, has its ups and downs. It's a friendly city, with respectable public transportation and a farmer's market in the heart of downtown on Thursdays during the summer. In the cold, harsh winters, there's a maze of skyways connecting the buildings so you never have to step outside until it's time to catch your bus home.

The drawback to this wonderful, "Minne"-Utopia (forgive the pun) is that it's far too easy to find unhealthy food when the mood strikes you.

I've been trying this week to be mindful of the foods I'm eating. At Subway for lunch yesterday, I went for the chicken breast with honey mustard sauce rather than the tuna drowning in mayo or the greasy meatball sub. It was quite tasty, in fact (really: lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, and spinach make great sandwich-toppers, especially when combined with that honey mustard sauce). For dinner, I had a leafy green salad with my mini pizza so that I could at least pretend to be eating from more than one food group.

I've been very good, in general lately, about eating a banana and a granola bar every morning for breakfast. Usually this satisfies me. Today, though, was a little odd. I wanted to keep eating after the banana and granola bar were gone. I wanted something savory and delicious.

I knew exactly what I wanted - a sausage, egg and cheese bagel from the Bruegger's in the next building.

I thought for a moment. Do I really need this? Do I really want this? Will anyone notice if I dash out for a moment? Yes, yes, and no were the answers to those questions.

I got my bagel sandwich. And it was delicious.

And then came the guilt. I have decided to call it "Skyway Guilt." If I had to go outside (even on a nice day) to get this bagel, I know I wouldn't have gone. But because the skyway was there, it was easy to get to the building across the street. No traffic worries or weather woes. Just a hop, skip, and a jump away and I was back before my screensaver kicked on.

The challenge now is to hold off on these urges for the rest of the week, and hopefully continuing after that. If I'm going to have any success with making myself healthier, I can't be eating bagel sandwiches every morning. Especially if it takes no effort whatsoever to get them.

She's All Grown Up

2010-07-03T22:14:00.002-05:00

Today I had a moment. A type of moment that doesn't happen very often.

Yes, it's true: I had a moment where I felt like an actual ADULT. A grown-up.

I spent my day cleaning house and getting some shopping done because I've got a little BBQ shindig coming up for the 4th of July. I went to the Home Depot for some home-repair items and some gardening things. Little stuff, not really a big deal. But this is the first time in a long time that I've been to a Home Depot.

I loved it.

The people working at the store are great. They were friendly and helpful and were very good as not treating me as if I were an idiot who knew nothing about home improvement. I found what I needed quickly (some long wood dowels for my morning glory plants to climb, some wood glue to repair a chair, and a tomato cage for the plant in my garden).

As I was leaving the store, an employee stopped me and asked if I was interested on getting a free estimate for some kind of home cooling system. I politely told him that I don't own my home, and went on my way.

I realize the guy was doing his job, and he probably asks everyone as they left if they wanted the free estimate on whatever it was. But still, it made me feel like a grown up. It's not outside the realm of possibility for a person who looks like me to be a homeowner. I like to believe that the guy asked me because he thought I might be interested in adding this system to my house.

I'm a grown-up!

Riding the Waves

2010-06-29T20:00:00.002-05:00

This has been a bit unusual for me. Apologies, this will be a long one.

Last night, I went out to the Twins game with some friends. We had a good time despite our team's loss. As a true fan, I can't leave before the last out of the last inning, so we stayed until the bitter end. It was a long game. I usually go to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 on work nights. The Twins game didn't end until at least 10:30. After pushing our way through the crowd out of the park and the drive back to my house, I didn't get to bed until 11:30, two hours past my usual bedtime. Late night for me.

I still got up at my usual time, and work was fine. I wasn't struggling to stay awake or anything - I've actually been quite busy lately at the office, and I'm grateful for that. Busy is much better than bored, and it's far easier to stay awake after a night under the bright lights at Target Field. I do admit to drinking 2 cups of coffee instead of my usual one cup, however.

I'm reading the book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo right now, and up until recently the book has been a struggle for me. But it finally got good - really good. I don't want to put it down. After I got home from work, instead of my customary TV watching, I spent an hour or so reading. Then I realized I wasn't actually reading the words on the page - I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I took a 30-minute nap.

This break from routine was not a good idea.

For some reason, I woke up from the nap in a funk. I was feeling really bummed out. Since I took a nap at 5:30 in the afternoon, I felt like a lazy fat slob. I'm hosting a little BBQ for the Fourth of July, and my house is nowhere near clean. And then, pretty much out of nowhere, I realize that I haven't even been on a date in almost a year. So I'm down on myself about that as well.

I had ordered some new bras last week (one of my good ones broke and Lane Bryant was having a sale), and they happened to arrive in the mail today. For some reason, trying on new bras always cheers me up. I know definitively what size I wear, so there's no doubt whether or not they'll fit - instead it's just a matter of trying them on to see if they look nice. I may not always be happy with my body, but I like my boobs, and I like the way they look in a nice bra.

The good feeling was temporary. The bra I was most excited about trying was the "Ultimate sports bra," which is part of a new line of sports bras - they've never had sports bras before. I've been needing one that actually fits. For some reason, I can barely get the sports bra hooked, it's so tight. I don't get it. It's the same size as the other bras, and it should fit just like the others, right? Or is their way of adding support to the sports bra just making it tighter? I don't get it. And I don't like it. And it looks like crap.

Bad mood back.

Here's my thought process: "I'm never going to find a comfortable sports bra that actually fits." ---> "I'm never going to be able to have a good work-out without a good sports bra." ---> "If I can't work out, I'll never lose weight." ---> "If I can't lose weight, no man will ever look at me again." ---> "I'm a horrible, hopeless, pathetic mess."

As you can see, I entered a terrible self-destructive cycle. I managed to talk myself out of doing anything productive this evening. I didn't even add chicken to my rice tonight for dinner because I didn't feel like dirtying another pan.

Since 7, I've been watching "Hell's Kitchen" on TV, and I've mostly gotten back to normal. I'm going to turn in a little early tonight so that I don't end up in the same position tomorrow as I was today.

I have a lot I need to do tomorrow. I can't let my brain get in the way. That only slows me down.

Update

2010-06-21T17:16:00.003-05:00

I want to write a big long post here, but I've been a little busy. My computer at work got a virus, so no lunchtime updates today (my entire day was spent trying to get the new antivirus software to actually find the malicious files - no luck by the time I left). Not sure what's going to happen with that, but that means I need to do all my blog updates from my home computer.

Of course, that means that I need to actually use my computer instead of my phone. I barely used this computer over the weekend - everything I wanted to check was made possible by the fantastic technology of my fancy new phone.

I might have a problem.

I check the new phone all the time. I constantly refresh my Twitter feed, and I'm always looking for new updated statuses on Facebook. I'll read my email as soon as it comes in (but I don't often reply because they're usually just junk that gets deleted right away). I have to charge it every day, but even that doesn't bug me. I'm completely sold on the smartphone technology.

In other news, construction has begun on the street in front of my house. They're out there right now, making noise. Good thing we have air conditioning so that I can keep the windows closed and some of the sound out. I was expecting a large headache this morning in regard to the bus stop, but it was normal. Hopefully it'll stay like that the rest of the week. And if this is anything like the construction project further up the street, it really should only take a week.

And the winner is...

2010-06-12T18:34:00.002-05:00

Smartphone!

For now.

"What?" you say. "For now? What does that mean?"

Here's the story: I went to a T-Mobile store to look into their different phones and plans.

The problem with this scenario is that I'm a sucker and can be talked into anything if the salesperson is any good at all.

Knowing that much about me, it didn't take me long to start talking to a sales rep about smartphones and their attributes. We talked about different plans which aren't really much more than I'm already paying. I can afford a data plan (plus, I'm changing my plan so I don't get as many minutes every month - I've never gotten close to using all my minutes).

Then the guy looked up my account to see what kind of upgrade discount I'm eligible for. "You're so close!" he said. Meaning, of course, that I was very close to the maximum discount on a new phone. 17 days.

Just as the sales rep was starting to tell me to go out and buy a cheap phone to get by for the next half month, my phone rang. It was my dad. I took the call. He said he had an Android G1 phone from back when he was working on it. It's a developer phone, but it still works. It's just a first generation Android - he's got a newer one now.

The timing couldn't be more perfect. I told the T-Mobile sales rep that my dad had a G1 phone I could use until my upgrade is available. But in order to get the G1 phone to work properly, I need a data plan. After a lot of back-and-forth between the sales rep and customer service, they figured out something that would work for me. I'm getting a new plan - a package that includes fewer minutes, unlimited messaging and unlimited data. But, since I'm not buying the new phone yet, I get the data part of the plan for free for the next 30 days.

To be honest, I'm not really sure how it worked out. But I didn't have to pay anything in the store. Looking at my account online, it looks like I've got the new plan with the fewer minutes and unlimited messaging, but data isn't listed. It must be some sort of trial period, because the data plan is certainly working. I've gotten Facebook and Twitter all synced up (though I think the Twitter is misbehaving).

Dear World: I may be 2 years behind on technology, but I'm catching up - fast!

Once I'm eligible for my upgrade, I'm going to go back to the store. I'm going to get a fancy-pants new phone. It's gonna be awesome. And it's going to be even cheaper than I thought.

Yay!

Smartphone or Dumbphone

2010-06-11T09:24:00.002-05:00

As you may know, my cell phone has been a little... under the weather lately. He likes to sleep. He gets crabby if you don't wake him up gently. Sometimes the screen is a little slow. It still works, just not well.

I need a new phone. I do qualify for an upgrade through T-Mobile, which means that I can get a new phone at a discounted rate.

Since I joined the ranks of Twitter earlier this week, I've been thinking about the merits of a smartphone. I don't feel like I'm getting any sort of fulfillment out of Twitter because I can only check it/update it when I'm using a computer, and it just seems sort of silly. A smartphone could help with this issue.

I don't want to go out and spend crazy money on a phone. No iPhone for me. I also really want to stay with T-Mobile. They're the only service provider I've used since I got my first phone oh so many years ago, and I've really been happy with that they've given me. Plus, I get the upgrade discount if I stay with them.

I'd rather not spend more than $150 - $170 on the phone itself. I'll probably have to subscribe to a data plan, and I'm not sure what that would cost on a monthly basis, so ideally I'd rather not break the bank on just the phone.

Based on those requirements, these are the eligible phones:

1. T-Mobile Sidekick LX: $29.99. Cheap. But it's a Sidekick. Aren't I too old for one of those? Plus side: not a touch-screen. For some reason, touch-screens just turn me off.

2. Nokia 5230 Nuron: $69.99. Affordable. Touch-screen. Only comes in one color. Also, I've never had a Nokia before. Not sure if I'd like it. But it looks sleek and seems to have a lot of positive features that I'm looking for in a smartphone.

3. T-Mobile Dash 3G: $89.99. Affordable. Kinda looks like a blackberry with a small screen. Not so sure how The Facebook and The Twitter will look on a screen that small. Also not a touch-screen. It's a "Windows Mobile" phone - anyone know anything about that? Never heard of it.

4. BlackBerry® Curve™ 8520: $94.99. Still fits the guidelines, but I don't think I really want a BlackBerry. It's not really me. On the plus side, it comes in a variety of colors.

5. T-Mobile® myTouch™ 3G 3.5mm Jack: $154.99. Starting to get a little expensive. Not sure how I feel about this one. It's "Android-powered," and I've actually heard of that. If I buy it online, I can customize it with my own picture or something like that - really make it my own. Touch screen and all that. Seems a lot like all the other Android phones out there.

6. Samsung Behold® II: $164.99. Most expensive one in the bunch. But, I gotta say, this one has the best look. The presence of a touch-screen is the only downfall. I respect Samsung as a brand (my current phone is a Samsung, and I love my current phone, even if it is broken - I'm going to assume it's a rare case). I like this phone, but is it worth $165, plus the cost of a data plan? Would the touch screen annoy me?

So that's the situation. I'm going to outright eliminate #1, #4, and #5. Not interested in the Sidekick, the BlackBerry, or the MyTouch.

Before I make my decision, I'm going to go out in search of reviews. I'm probably going to get in touch with T-Mobile to find out how much a data plan will cost, and then revisit my monthly budget. I have to figure out if I can actually afford to use a smartphone.

Admittedly, I've always said that I just need my phone to be a phone. Why shouldn't I just suck it up and get another little cheap-o phone? How badly do I actually want a phone that can do more?

Hmm. This still requires more thinking.

Tempting Fate?

2010-06-10T09:56:00.002-05:00

By this time tomorrow, none of this will be an issue, but today I'm worried.

About two weeks ago, I put down a deposit for season tickets at Target Field for 2011. It's two seats, a 20-game package, and the deposit was a total of $210. I used my check card to make the deposit.

The charge still hasn't come out of my bank account.

I currently have less than $210 in my checking account (plenty in savings, but I'll get there in a moment). I get paid tomorrow, direct deposit. Once that paycheck shows up, all my worries disappear.

Why don't I just transfer some money to my checking account to cover the charge? Because I know myself. I've been tucking money into my savings account gradually for months. If I take some of that back, it's going to feel like I have that money to spend, even if it's just for a day. I don't want to do it.

Am I tempting fate? Will the season ticket deposit come out of my account today simply because I refuse to transfer funds to my checking account? I'm not even in Vegas yet and I'm already gambling.

I just double-checked, and I do have overdraft protection set up. I just won't use my check card at all today. I'll be fine.

Still Basking in the Glow of Awesome

2010-06-08T07:37:00.003-05:00

Last night was w00tstock.

I'm tired. Maybe I should write this another time.

w00tstock was supposed to be around 3 hours. I had a feeling it would be a bit longer. I've heard the stories. I even joined Twitter to get some updates from some of the performers before the show started, and they gave me the impression that this little shindig was going to be a late night.

It started at 7:30. It lasted FIVE HOURS. Yes. That means I didn't get home until almost 1 AM. Then I tried to go to sleep, but it was one of those situations where I was so tired, and I knew I had to get up in a few hours, but I just couldn't fall asleep. Didn't actually lose consciousness until roughly 3 AM. My alarm starts going off at 5.

Yes. I'm running on about 2 to 2.5 hours of sleep. I'm gonna need a lot of coffee.

Wait a minute, you still want to know what w00tstock is? All right. If you're any kind of geek or nerd, you'll get it.

I've been a fan of Paul and Storm for a couple years now. They're a comedy music duo who often perform with Jonathan Coulton. They're hilarious. Not long after I realized that P&S were a completely separate entity from JoCo, I started seeing references to w00tstock and the Age of Geekdom. Most notably, they had teamed up with none other than Wil Wheaton, someone who had mostly fallen off my radar since his days on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I, like many other geeky girls of my generation, fell in love with Wil as Wesley Crusher, the young, handsome wunderkind on the Starship Enterprise. (Hey, I was 11, give me a break.) I outgrew it quickly, but I still credit him for being the reason I like geeks/nerds today (I also credit Patrick Stewart for being the reason I like bald men - everything I know I learned from Star Trek: TNG). Most importantly, Wil taught me this: smart guys are hot.

So, I hear that Paul & Storm are sharing a stage with Wil Wheaton, my girlhood crush. Want more awesome? Why not throw in a dose of Mythbusters? Adam Savage is part of the w00tstock team, too! Can it get any better than this?

Of course it can!

Just add one physics professor (Jim Kakalios from the University of Minnesota), two voices of Crow T. Robot (Trace Beaulieu and Bill Corbett), a few sweet illustrations (courtesy of Len Peralta), countless pictures of "the Animal Conspiracy" (thanks to comedian Tim Bedore), and a quirky girl with a ukulele (Molly Lewis), and you have a magical evening of Awesome. (There were lots of others there, but the sentence was getting long.)

It was hilarious. I laughed. I didn't cry. I heard stories and saw videos and sang songs. Entertaining antics ensued. It was an evening for the ages.

It was w00tstock.

Now it is done and I am sad. And tired. Very tired. But there was one thing I couldn't help but notice: there is a significant lack of Girl Geeks out there. The only one to perform last night was Molly Lewis (who was the perfect choice to represent the Girl Geeks out there), and I was a little sad that we didn't get much from the female perspective. It may be time to start my memoirs. I could begin with how Wil Wheaton changed my life. Oh, and that "novel" I was writing about my Lego toys. That could go in there, too.

In other news, yes, you did read that correctly up there. I joined The Twitter. Still don't know what the hell I'm doing with it, though. But I think I say this: follow me @buppyspek. It will be an adventure!

Phone Woes

2010-06-02T15:48:00.003-05:00

I love my cell phone. Really, I do. It helps that my service provider pretty much gave it to me for free. It has all the features I like in a cell phone - it can do phone calls AND text messages. Sure, it has a camera, too, but I don't really care about that. I don't like paying for picture messages anyway.

I've had this phone for about a year (I really don't remember when I got it, but it wasn't too long ago... maybe over a year, since I think I was in my old apartment when I got this one). It's a trusty little phone - I can't tell you how many times I've dropped it. Cute little navy blue slide phone with a decent-sized screen. It looks a little beat up, but it works well.

Wait, scratch that. It WORKED well. Past tense.

I was in the middle of a couple text-message conversations over my lunch break. I'd slide the phone closed in between messages because that makes the screen go dark faster. When I got a message, I'd slide open the phone, read it, and reply. But suddenly, when I slid open the phone, all I got was a blank white screen. I tried pushing buttons - nothing happened. I tried turning it off and on again - I could read my messages, and reply, but as soon as I closed the phone, the same thing happened. Again and again. Now, hours later, it's still doing the same thing.

I don't want a new phone. I like this phone.

So I went to Google. Typed in "troubleshooting for Samsung phones," was directed to Samsung's website. Entered the model number for the phone. Launched the troubleshooting tool. What does it tell me? "If your phone has a blank LCD, it will need to be sent in for service. Click the button below to create an online service request!" With the exclamation point. Or, since I wasn't sure what sort of problem this should be classified under, I got this response: "If the backlight on your phone is not working properly it might be possible to resolve the issue by changing the settings on the phone."

That's it. Send it in for service, or change the settings. Change the settings to what? I don't know. Change which settings? No idea. That's all it says, nowhere to click for more information without calling tech support.

Hey, look at this! A feedback form! "Was the above article helpful?" Um, NO. I wouldn't even call it an article. It was a sentence. Not a very helpful one, either.

I wonder if I'm actually due for a new phone on my plan. It might be time...

Not-Quite-Adventures in BBQ Assembly

2010-05-31T10:52:00.003-05:00

Now that I live in a house with a yard, I thought I'd invest in a charcoal grill.

Yesterday at Target I moseyed back to the seasonal section and found the BBQ aisle. They had lots of grills in various sizes and shapes. Propane? No thanks. My dad was always a charcoal man back in his grilling days (pre-condo life), and I intend to follow in his footsteps.

I didn't want a big fancy grill. I don't really know what I'm doing, and I don't want to get in over my head financially. I don't need a $80 grill. I don't need to spend $80. I know that Weber is a trusted brand in grills, but they're a little too expensive for my tastes. Even the tiny little ones were $30. You know - those little ones that sit just above the ground, where you have to sit down on the ground to even use them. Those are $30. They probably have enough surface area to cook one hamburger patty at a time.

But then I saw a short little square grill. It probably comes up to about my mid-thigh, so I don't have to sit down to use it (but if I had a lawn chair, I could). It's not a Weber. It's Thermos brand - which is funny, since I didn't know they made anything other than a... well, a thermos. It's big enough for a few burgers or brats, and I think it will serve my needs well. Like the little Weber, this guy was also $30.

I bought the other necessary accouterments. BBQ tools like a flippy spatula thing, tongs, skewers, that sort of thing. I bought coals and lighter fluid. I bought brats and turkey burgers and buns and potato salad and chips (well, technically I already had the turkey burgers). I'm ready to go.

Today I opened the box that the grill came in. As a person who has purchased and assembled many things from IKEA, I was certain I could handle anything this box could throw at me.

Wait a minute, what does that say? "Tools needed: Screwdriver (not included) and open ended wrench (not included)." What are these tools of which it speaks? Ok, I have a screwdriver. Somewhere. And we're not talking orange-juice-and-vodka here. But I don't own a wrench. Open-ended or otherwise.

I call my dad, naturally, because that's what you're supposed to do in these situations. He told me what an open-ended wrench is (it's just a wrench, really) and gave me some tips on how to actually use the grill once it's assembled. That's good, since I've never actually done this before.

I still haven't assembled the grill. I'm afraid of it now. It has so many little pieces. And I don't have a wrench. But I figure that's one of those things I should have. I should go buy a wrench. Then maybe, one of these days, I'm going to get to actually have some adventures in grilling.

Really, Universe? Really?

2010-05-25T17:37:00.003-05:00

I'm running my virus/spyware scanner right now. It takes forever. Over 40k files scanned and nothing malicious detected yet.

Spam was sent from my gmail account this afternoon. A number of my friends let me know immediately, and Google locked me out of the account. I got my access back to the account and promptly changed my password. Then I changed passwords on a number of other sites.

If I sent you spam today, I apologize. I had no idea it was happening. I am now paranoid about internet security.

This is just one more thing on the pile of crap I've been dealing with lately.

Work has been tough lately, and I've been realizing that my multi-tasking skills are lacking. I need to get organized, but there are projects that take priority over organization... but I can't get the projects done if I don't organize my desk. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to escape. Monday off can't come soon enough.

I'm still trying to prepare adequately for my trip to Vegas. Saving money is going well, for the most part. But I'm really not looking forward to traveling without a credit card. I'm just paranoid that something is going to happen and I'm going to end up screwed. I applied for a Capital One card. I was denied. I didn't you could be denied for a Capital One card. That hurt.

Oh, and I'm not eating chocolate anymore. It gives me heartburn. I thought it also was giving me my headaches, but the nasty one I had yesterday proved that theory to be false. Disappointing. If I could get rid of the headaches by never eating chocolate again, I could do that. Most days it would be easy.

So... yeah. Virus/spyware scan is still running. 54k scanned files and counting. Still nothing detected. *sigh*

Size Matters

2010-05-17T12:22:00.003-05:00

Get your head out of the gutter. I'm not talking about that kind of size.

I realized today one of the reasons I've had trouble motivating myself to lose weight over the years. I don't feel like a big person.

Sure, I take up a lot of space. Sometimes I have issues sitting in a booth at a restaurant, or I have a hard time squeezing into airplane seats or similar. I know what size clothes I wear. But I just don't feel like I'm as large as I really am.

Even when I look at myself in the mirror, I usually don't think about myself as being big all around. Sure, my gut looks big sometimes, or my butt, or my thighs or my arms. But usually, I just shrug it off and tell myself that it's not so bad.

You're only as big as you feel, right?

No. This is something I need to realize about myself. The fact that I can barely walk three quarters of a mile anymore should be a sign. I never actually ran a 5K, but I did all right walking them a few years ago. My blood pressure should be a sign. I'm only 29 - I should not be taking meds for high blood pressure. My weight should be a sign. But I just avoid the scale instead. It's easier that way. (Sometimes I think that someone snuck into my bathroom and changed the scale from pounds to kilograms, but I know that isn't the case).

I need to stop looking at myself as a normal-sized person carrying a little extra weight. I need to start looking at myself as an overly large woman who needs to do something about it. If I don't keep myself in check, I'll end up with my very own TLC show. I don't want that.

Of course, there are days when I feel like a total cow. Some days, I'm Jabba the Hut. Those are the days where I hate myself.

Normally I'd tell myself that it's a good thing that I often feel comfortable in my body, considering all its imperfections. But now I'm starting to think that if I weren't so content to leave things as they are, I'd have succeeded with previous weight-loss attempts.

I hate that this blog is turning into "Diary of a Fat Girl." I don't want to be that kind of blogger. Unless, of course, that's what my adoring fans want. But I think it would be too depressing. And not funny. Look at this post - was it funny? No. I'd rather be funny.

Budgety Goodness

2010-05-14T14:04:00.002-05:00

I like to plan things. I love to plan vacations. I especially love to plan vacations when they're for a fun event like my Second Annual 29th Birthday (or 29th Birthday 2: Electric Boogaloo).

I've been in full Vegas-Planning-Mode for at least a month now. I've been hanging out at Trip Advisor reading the Vegas forums for ideas. I've bought plane tickets (spent a good portion of my tax refund on that, but hopefully some of it will eventually be refunded - see Flying While Fat 2: Planning Ahead about why I chose to buy two seats on my Southwest flights). I set aside the rest of my tax refund in savings for lodging. I've started funneling excess funds to my savings account for other Vegas expenses.

I've also been working on planning the itinerary for the trip. I don't want to plan every second, but it's helping me to get an idea of how much I'll be spending.

By the way, if you plan to join me in Vegas, make sure that I know that you're planning on coming! We're working on securing lodging and stuff, and part of my budget is planning for a champagne breakfast for all my friends. I have to make sure I'm saving enough so we don't have an awkward moment at the Bellagio buffet.

I've accounted for meals, gambling, drinks, tips, and cabs, plus an "other" category for whatever it is that I'm likely forgetting. I then calculated the number of paychecks I'll receive between now and my birthday. Took the total expected budget divided by the number of paychecks: bam. That's the amount I'm putting away from every paycheck from now until my birthday. Piece of cake.

I like it when I'm smart.

Of course, I'm also planning on a spa day. That's going to cost some money, too, probably a lot of it depending on what I actually decide to get. I have to wait and find out how much my lodging is going to cost before I really know how crazy I'll be able to go when spa-ing. I don't expect to spend all of what I set aside on hotels, and what's leftover (plus whatever else I manage to stash away) will be the budget for spa treatments.

Am I crazy to be this detailed while planning for a trip that's still almost six months away? I just know that I don't want to have to worry about money while I'm there, and the only way I can think of to avoid that eventuality is to plan to arrive in Vegas feeling like I'm loaded, which means hoarding as much cash as possible before I leave.

Or, you know, get lucky win big on the slot machines on the first day. Then I'll really be set for the trip.

Cartoons

2010-05-13T12:49:00.003-05:00

Thanks to my awesome aunt Beth, I was finally able to get to a store to do some shopping. I returned some stuff. I bought some more stuff. I got new black pants for work and a new pair of Capri pants for the summer. I got a bunch of new tops that will be great for warmer days (if it ever stops raining).

I tried on a lot more things, though. And I'm not really sure about those Capri pants, either.

You see, since I gained a bunch of weight in the last two years, it hasn't been good for my body. I'm a short girl, so there aren't a lot of places for the new fat to go. And my poor little feet are having a tough time with the extra pressure. As a result, my feet, ankles, and shins are all ridiculously swollen. It's worse than having "cankles." I looked in the mirror and realized that I look like a character in a cartoon. Is this actually real?

With long pants, I can hide my cartoonish legs and ankles. Shoes hide my feet for the most part. But it's spring, and summer is coming (if it ever stops raining). I'm not going to want to wear long pants every day.

I know the obvious answer. Lose weight. But there's not nearly enough time before summer (if it ever stops raining), and it really sucks that I probably won't be able to find sandals that will fit.

I need to get back into walking. That will help. It'll be a step in the right direction. If it ever stops raining.

It's Calling to Me...

2010-05-10T09:36:00.002-05:00

Food. It's calling to me.

I'm having one of those days where, no matter what I do, all I want to do is eat. I want to eat anything I can get my hands on. I had my typical banana and granola bar for breakfast. Last week, that breakfast satisfied me to the point where I almost forgot to eat lunch at the usual time. Today, not so much. I thought about going out for a bagel or a breakfast sandwich or something similarly delectable. Instead, I chose to sit at my desk and work... while munching on handful after handful of peanut M&M's.

*sigh*

This is bad. I shouldn't be eating candy in the morning. I really shouldn't be eating candy much at all. I especially shouldn't be eating chocolate.

Watch out, this part is depressing:

I think I need to stop eating chocolate entirely. I'm taking a daily prescription medication for chronic heartburn/acid reflux. Even on this medication, I still have days where I get wicked heartburn (that's "wicked" in a bad way, not a good way, folks). I realized over the weekend that this supplemental heartburn only happens after I eat chocolate.

Yes. Chocolate is giving me heartburn. For all I know, it's also giving me headaches and back pain and pimples and weight gain.

Egad. I was trying to be sarcastic there, but with the exception of back pain, chocolate could very well be giving me all those things.

I want to eat the rest of that candy bowl. All those delicious little M&M's...

But instead, I'm going to try NOT eating chocolate. Any of it. Except for the little chocolate chunks in my granola bars. I think that tiny amount won't hurt me. I hope. Next time, I'll buy the bars without chocolate. Then we'll know for sure.

I don't want to do it, but at the same time, my curiosity is telling me that I have to do it. I need to find out if cutting out the chocolate solves some of my issues. If this fix doesn't work, I can always start eating chocolate again.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

The Perils of Online Shopping

2010-05-05T12:20:00.002-05:00

I do not own a car. I do not lease a car. I don't have a car unless I plan far enough in advance and can borrow one. Add to this a roommate with a car, but also with a crazy schedule. It makes it very difficult for me to go shopping for clothes.

If you're a woman, you know the story. Sizes are a debacle. You're a different size in any store you visit. Any woman could be easy befuddled trying to find clothes that actually fit.

If you're a big woman, you know that it's even harder for you. Try finding clothes that are affordable, well-made, and don't make you look like an old lady. If you're looking for a dress in size 24 at J.C. Penney's, just go straight to the rack of "mother-of-the-bride" dresses - those'll be the ones in your size. It never fails. If you're window shopping and see something really cute that you think you might like, chances are when you go into the store you'll find that it doesn't come in plus sizes.

The one store that I've found to have a good selection of plus-sized women's clothing that's actually something I'd consider wearing is Lane Bryant. They've also created a line of pants (jeans and some work-type slacks) that are called "Right Fit" that come in different shapes depending on your body type. They fit me pretty well, and I know what size I wear in Right Fit pants.

Hooray! This means I can shop for clothes online. I don't have to try anything on. And if I decide to explore outside the category of Right Fit pants, I can try on the clothes when they arrive and return them to the store if they don't fit - I don't have to mail anything back. This is a dream-come-true.

Or so I thought.

I'm currently in need of a new pair of jeans and a new pair of black pants. I wear a "Right Fit Red" size 8P. (No, folks, I'm not really a size 8. Sizes in Right Fit pants go from 1-13, with a 1 being like a normal size 14. The P is for petite because I'm short). I decide to go for the online shopping. I have a coupon code for free shipping, so I'm a winner any way, right?

Not so much.

Every time I try to buy pants on the Lane Bryant website, they don't have my size in stock, and I can't order them. The jeans I like, Right Fit Red Bootcut jeans, only come in a size 1. None of the other cuts of jeans come in a Red 8P. Nor do the black slacks I like (unless I wanted to buy the "tall" size).

They usually have pants in my size in the store. Why is it that their stores are better stocked than their website? This does not make sense to me. Logically, I feel the website's warehouse should be far better stocked than a shop at a mall.

I wrote them an angry email. I got an automatically-generated response that says "A member of our customer service team will respond to you shortly." That was two days ago now.

Dear Lane Bryant: Define "shortly." Also, let me buy some freaking pants. That's all I want. Oh, and that belt I bought a few weeks ago? Yeah, that broke. I think you need to reconsider your quality standards as well. Then maybe I wouldn't have to buy new pants so often - and nor would everyone else, which would mean that you wouldn't always be sold out of the more popular sizes. Thank you. Love, me.

Denied.

2010-04-30T16:16:00.002-05:00

So much for my improved credit rating. Apparently Wells Fargo thinks I shouldn't have a credit card.

The form letter I received in the mail today says that the reason I was denied the card was because there's a bankruptcy in my credit history. Apparently my actual credit rating means nothing, nor does my personal history with Wells Fargo Bank. Never mind the fact that I have a savings and checking account through them, with direct deposit from my regular, full-time job.

Nope. I made some mistakes in my past and filed bankruptcy. That's enough.

This worries me. I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to get a loan for anything ever. And I'm afraid the only credit card they'll be willing to give me is a Capital One card with a $250 limit and 30% interest rate.

This new development is not helping my general mood lately. I've been struggling with motivation all over the place, and I've just been overall feeling down. It's not cool. The only thing I want to do in my leisure time these days is watch sappy movies. Oh, and plan my trip to Vegas. Not sure what's going to happen with that now that I can't get a credit card, though. I guess I'll just have to stash away more money.

At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

The Midwestern Glare

2010-04-21T10:41:00.002-05:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that anyone reading this blog knows about life in the Upper Midwest. I've lived in Minnesota my whole life, and people who know me have probably visited here, if not lived here for at least a little while. I have a feeling you've all experienced or done the thing that I'm talking about today.

Have you ever been in a movie theater and been annoyed because someone behind you was talking? When this happens, do you say something, or do you just look over your shoulder and glare in the direction where you think the noise is coming from? The latter is the Midwestern Glare. Not wanting to cause any additional distraction, the generally polite Midwesterner will choose the silent approach to shutting up an annoying movie-goer.

The Midwestern Glare is not limited to movie theaters. I never knew how bad it felt to be on the receiving end of The Midwestern Glare until this morning.

I listen to my iPod on my bus ride into work. I take the non-express bus because it's less crowded and a longer ride (so I can doze off if I so choose).

This morning, I was listening to a podcast by Paul and Storm. Funny, but not obnoxious (this time). I realized, maybe five minutes into the bus ride, that I could hear hip-hop music that was certainly not coming from my podcast. The sound was emanating from somewhere behind me. Like any good Minnesotan, I looked over my shoulder and delivered the Midwestern Glare. The guy I assumed was the culprit had his eyes closed. Likely sleeping (though how anyone could sleep through music playing that loudly directly into his ears is beyond me).

Naturally, nothing came of it. I ignored it and continued listening to my podcast.

Later on, close to the end of my bus ride, I noticed at least 3 other people on the bus who seemed to be annoyed by the loud hip-hop music. Keep in mind the fact that I could hear it clearly (almost clearly enough to make out the words) while I was listening to my own iPod on noise reducing headphones. It must have been really loud to the rest of the bus. Then I realized: those people weren't delivering the Midwestern Glare to the sleeping fellow a row behind me and across the aisle.

They were giving me the Midwestern Glare.

Really, people? Do I look like the kind of person who listens to hip hop loudly at 6:45 AM? Really? Just because I'm the only one you can see wearing visible headphones (they're hot pink) does not mean that I'm the only possible source for the sound you're hearing.

I was offended. Did I get any apology glances after Sleeping Guy got off the bus and the loud hip-hop music stopped? No. So I'm also kind of peeved.

But the whole situation makes me realize that the Midwestern Glare is something to be afraid of. It hurts when you get hit by the daggers someone shoots from their eyeballs. Maybe I should think about trying another form of righteous civilian discipline.

Of course, I did ask one time for the guy sitting next to me on a bus ride to turn his music down. He said nothing, and turned down his music ever so slightly. This same person sat down next to me a month later, again playing music far too loudly (and I realized that he was using a cell phone to play the music and wasn't using headphones). I asked him to turn it down. Again, he reduced the volume ever so slightly. I could barely notice.

So, in conclusion, nothing works - at least, not if you want to seem polite. Maybe next time I'll have to try yelling. That might work. Hopefully I'll be able to turn off both my "Nice Girl" gene and my passive aggressive gene - otherwise I don't think I'll be able to be mean.

Credit

2010-04-19T10:36:00.002-05:00

I can't believe I haven't posted here in so long! How very unlike me.

Today I did something that I haven't done in a long time. Not seriously, anyway. I applied for a credit card.

"But wait!" you say. "Becky, you can't handle money! And you're doing all that saving stuff! You don't need a credit card! Did filing bankruptcy teach you nothing?"

Actually, filing bankruptcy taught me a lot. I was legally bankrupt four and a half years ago, after building up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. My car was repossessed (it's why I don't have one now). I couldn't make my student loan payments, and I was getting phone calls from collections people while I was at work. It was not a good situation. It got so bad that bankruptcy was my only option. I learned the hard way that all those little things add up. My once pristine credit rating was shot.

Since then, I've worked hard to live within my means. I had to borrow a little from my dad at first to get back on my feet, but thanks to a steady job, I was able to pay him back everything I borrowed (which was quite a lot, in the end, and I still feel terrible that I had to stoop so low - not that it was a bad thing, necessarily, but I just felt guilty, and I felt like a failure). My savings account started to see money again - and finally started accruing interest again. I got to the point where I could afford a good place to live and other previously optional amenities - like cable TV and high speed internet. I still don't have a car, but since I don't really need one I have a hard time justifying the expense. See? I learned something.

So what does this mean about me and credit cards? I learned from my mistakes. That much I know. But I also will be traveling a lot in the next year. Traveling without a credit card can be dangerous. What if something happens when I'm in Kansas City and I need an emergency flight home? I don't have the funds in my checking account to account for something like that. You never know what's going to happen. The credit card I applied for will be for emergencies only. ONLY. I might charge the occasional something here and there, but only small amounts to help rebuild my credit rating. I will pay it off every month.

My dad's rule is: if there's a month where you can't pay the full balance on your card, then you don't use it again until it's paid off. I can live by that rule. If all I charge is $20 a month, then it'll be no problem at all. That way, if an emergency happens, it won't break the bank trying to fix it. I'll be ok.

In other news, I made a fun quiz on Sporcle over the weekend. You should try it if you haven't yet! Famous Quotes, Bad Translations!

Flying While Fat, Part 2: Planning Ahead

2010-04-06T12:05:00.004-05:00

Did you know that the typical airplane seat is only 17 inches wide? Granted, I haven't measured my fat ass lately, but I'm sure it's more than 17 inches, especially when sitting. I think one thigh alone is 12 inches in diameter.

I'm currently planning my birthday party in Vegas (the Second Annual 29th Birthday Party, or 29th Birthday 2: Electric Boogaloo). Because I will be flying out there on my actual birthday, I thought I'd look into what it will take to avoid any potential embarrassment at the airport - and to eliminate the need for me to worry about it.

In case you missed "Flying While Fat, Part 1," I explained there how I give myself a tension headache from worry every time I go to the airport. I'm always afraid that someone will raise a fuss about a fatty like me trying to squeeze into a seat for normal people. I don't want to worry about that anymore.

Admittedly, I will be losing weight over the summer. But there's no way I'll lose enough weight by then to be able to comfortably fit in an airline seat. Therefore, I've started my research. Below are some links to a few airlines and their policies for "Customers of Size."

- Southwest Airlines
- Frontier Airlines
- United Airlines
- American Airlines

I have them arranged here from best to worst. Southwest seems most accommodating and considerate for those Flying While Fat. They also state that they're able to issue refunds 98% of the time for the extra ticket purchased. Conveniently, they also have some of the lowest fares to Vegas.

Very similar policy at Frontier. They're not quite as friendly in the FAQ as Southwest, but they do state similar qualifications for refunds for the extra ticket. Like Southwest, they also have low fares between Minneapolis and Vegas.

United is less friendly and doesn't mention anything about refunds, while American is almost mean about it. They make it seem like Flying While Fat is a crime and a personal insult to the airline. United is at least generous enough to waive the fees associated with buying an extra seat the day of travel, while American will charge you in any way they can. I'd like to point out that it also took considerable searching to find this information on their websites.

Delta Airlines didn't have anything listed (that I could find) on their website related to overweight passengers or "customers of size." I sent them a message, detailing Southwest's policy, asking if they have any procedure in place for their larger clientele. According to the form-letter response, they're busy and will respond within 48 hours. I'm curious what they will say.

Unless Delta comes forward and says they'll refund my extra ticket after the trip, I'm going to go ahead and follow either Southwest's or Frontier's policy and purchase the extra seat. One of the reasons I've been saving money this year is for a comfortable, fantastic trip for my birthday. If I can eliminate the need to worry myself over the flights, I'll be a much happier person. If I do, in fact, get the refund of that extra ticket? It'll be just like a birthday present.

Alrighty then.

2010-03-31T13:17:00.003-05:00

I do not have Cushing's Syndrome.

Everything that's wrong with me is a result of my weight. It's all my fault. I brought this upon myself.

Things need to change. Obviously, I need to lose weight for my health. This whole "you might have a tumor" thing has really opened my eyes.

I'm looking into different weight loss programs now, trying to decide if any of them are right for me or worth the money.

I don't want this to become a weight-loss blog. However, I have a feeling that the whole weight loss quest is starting to take over my life, so it's going to come up here once in a while.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to lose weight. It took a long time for me to be comfortable with being a big girl, and I finally feel like I am. Will I still feel like myself if I cease to be large?

But I can't just sit here and do nothing. I may like the way I am, but I'm flawed, broken, falling apart. My heart works too hard to keep my body moving, and if I don't do something about that, I'm going to wear it out. Sure, I'm taking medicine now to regulate it, but I still have times where I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, and every time that happens I think to myself, "this can't be good."

My feet and ankles are so swollen that I can't wear more than half of my shoes, and almost everything I try on in the store doesn't fit, even if I go a size or two bigger than I normally wear. I have to wear the special socks "for larger shoe sizes" so that they don't cut off the circulation to my feet.

I run out of breath just by walking down the street. I sweat far too easily. My skin looks disgusting with all the stretch marks and cellulite.

That's just me and my health. Socially, there are a lot more issues at play. I don't fit into some chairs. Sometimes I have a hard time fastening the seat belt in a car - it's even worse on airplanes. I'm uncomfortable in crowds (because I take up too much space) and I'm always afraid to sit in a booth at a restaurant because I might not fit.

My latest fear is that my bed will collapse underneath me as I sleep.

Clearly, I need to change.

The question is: can I do it myself, or do I need help? I've been a member of Weight Watchers enough times that I know what it takes. I'm not an idiot. I know what foods are good and which foods I should limit and/or avoid. I know I need to move and exercise regularly. Do I really need to spend money on a weight loss program?

The idea of a program where I don't need to think about the food (meaning the food is provided as part of the program) is appealing. However, after researching Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating and Nutrisystem, I cannot afford them (each one would cost me more than $500/month, and I can't see spending more than my rent on weight-loss food).

My endocrinologist got me thinking about gastric bypass surgery. That's all I'm going to say about that now - I'm not even sure if my insurance would cover it.

I have a lot of thinking to do, and I'm nowhere near ready to make a decision yet.

In other news, we were able to get Twins tickets for Saturday's exhibition game against St. Louis. I'm really excited to finally get to see Target Field (aka "The Bullseye").

Fear of Falling

2010-03-29T09:13:00.002-05:00

I've been afraid of heights for a long time. In high school, when the band went to Chicago on tour, I could barely look out the window at the top of the Sears Tower. Last year when I saw Jason Mraz at the Xcel Center, I had to stay seated because we were in the front row of one of the upper levels, and I would get nasty vertigo if I were standing up.

I learned yesterday that steep hills get me, too. I was at the Omaha Wildlife Safari with my friends yesterday. It was really cool... until we got to the part where you get out of the car and walk around. (Sidebar: Timber wolves are much larger than I realized.) The map they gave us was weak. It just showed a dotted line for the trail, and it was not to scale. There was a map at the beginning of the trail that showed some parts as being "easy," "difficult," and "most difficult," but some of the colors had rubbed off of the map. We walked around to the wolf habitat first, then continued on. There was another map just before a fork in the trail, but the map didn't correctly illustrate the choices we had. None of the trails were labeled. So we picked one and started walking. We climb uphill for a while, and that was rather taxing on me because of how out of shape I am. And I was thirsty. But I kept going. We get to the peak of the hill and there's a small arrow telling us to make a left turn. Gillian scouts ahead and says it's pretty steep. But we really don't have another option other than turning back the way we came.

She wasn't kidding about the steepness. It had rained a few days earlier, so there was a lot of mud on the trail. Occasionally there was a wooden block in the trail to give the illusion of stairs, but some of them led to a two-foot drop - and for the top part of this path, there was no handrail. It was very steep and went on for what seemed to me like a significant distance. In reality it was probably only 50 yards or so.

I freaked out. I had to go on because there was no way to get up the hill after I had gone down halfway. I've never known fear like that, to be honest. I was convinced that I was going to slip on a patch of mud and tumble down the hill, hitting my head on the wood steps and collapse in a dead pile at the bottom. When we reached a level part in the middle of the trail, I started crying. I wanted to sit down, but there weren't any benches, and the ground was still all muddy.

When we got back to the beginning of the trail with the map, we saw that the place we ended up was the area marked as "most difficult." They really need to label the trails when you get there, and put a warning out there about how steep it really is. We weren't trying to go to that path, and had we known, we would have taken a different trail to start with.

I always knew I was afraid of heights. I learned yesterday that what I was really afraid of was falling.

Learning by Experience: Medical Billing 101

2010-03-25T07:34:00.003-05:00

This week I sent off a check for about $200 to the clinic for that echo-cardiogram I had a while back. It applies to my $500 deductible. I thought that meant I was done.

I was wrong.

Today I found out through my insurance company (and their explanation of benefits form) that the $200 charge was only dipping my toe in the water. The rest of the claims came through and were recently finalized. My insurance company was billed $1,624 for that day. On top that $200 bill I already paid. Silly me for thinking something like an echo-cardiogram would only cost $200. And silly me for assuming they'd bill everything at once. Why would they want to do a crazy thing like that?

Thanks to the magic of insurance, I only have to pay $350 of that. CONGRATULATIONS! I have now met my deductible for the year. That sure didn't take long. What do I win? Well, let's look at it this way. If I had a higher deductible, I'd be paying a lot more of that $1600 out of pocket. That's what I win. I'm suddenly very glad I opted for the low-deductible plan.

I need a bagel.

Things That Make Me Go Hmmm...

2010-03-22T08:18:00.002-05:00

It seemed like a long weekend. In reality, I was just really busy. But now it's Monday, and I'm back at work.

I had a personal debate in this blog a while back about mp3 players. Did I ever share with you, my darling readers, that I decided on the iPod Nano? It's purple. It's shiny. And because of it, I recently discovered the magic of podcasts. I'm in love.

And, like I am with all things that I do, I want to make my own podcasts now. Maybe one related to this blog! But then I think to myself... what tools will I need? Some sort of decent microphone, likely, and probably some device (software?) to actually capture my voice. What format will I need to record in? Is there something I can download that will convert it into the necessary format? How will I then get the file from my computer to the internet? I bet if I did a little Googling I could figure all this out.

I think my coffee this morning might be flavored with dish soap. I washed the cup before I put coffee in it, and I think it wasn't really rinsed all the way. The coffee kind of had a weird taste to it, but that was before I added my flavored creamer. Does it always taste weird? Maybe it's not the dish soap at all.

In other news, I'm still waiting to hear from a doctor about the results of the last test I did. So far they've taken my pee, my spit, and a lot of my blood. Depending on what they say next, I'll have to give them more pee, and probably more blood. After that, who knows? Sweat? Tears? Or maybe after that, they'll actually be able to tell me what's wrong with me and give me a definitive answer on Cushing's. Waiting this way is like living through the awkward in-between phase of growing your hair out. I hate it.

Also, has anyone else noticed how awkward the word "awkward" is? It's even awkward to type.

The Awesomeness of Yesterday

2010-03-18T08:14:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was pretty awesome, and it had nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day.

First of all, I got to sleep in a half hour - had to get to the doctor's office to get more blood drawn for tests. I ended up getting to the lab 10 minutes before it opened. Not exciting there, but at least I was first so they got to see me right away.

I got to work around 8 and it was a decent day at work. I wasn't bored out of my mind and I got some good things accomplished - especially one particular process that's been nagging at me for months now. No worries, I won't bore you with the details of my work here.

It was a good day at work, so I'll just leave it at that.

After work, it was absolutely gorgeous out. A perfect day, especially for mid-March. I walked to Barnes & Noble because I really wanted to pick up a book on gardening. Now that I have a yard, I really want to garden, but I have no idea where to start. I ended up buying "Gardening Basics for Dummies" because it was on sale and cheaper to start with than some of the other books I saw. Plus, despite their name, I've heard good things about the "for Dummies" books, and the reviews on Amazon for this one are pretty good. I'm kind of excited to get started.

I would have walked to my parents' condo from downtown after that, but I wasn't wearing the right shoes. My feet would have died by the time I got there. So I hopped on a bus and walked the couple blocks from the bus stop... it was such a beautiful day. I was listening to Mike Doughty on my shiny new iPod because he's coming to town this weekend and I'm going to one of the shows. I'm super excited. I could listen to him all day.

I went to my folks' place for Game Night, and it was awesome. We ate pizza and played a game my brother introduced us to called Puerto Rico. It was a fun game, but I made a foolish mistake at the end that cost me the game. A good time was had by all. I think, if I play that game again, I could have a chance at winning. It's not a quick game, though. But that could be because there were a couple first-timers playing. We asked a lot of questions.

In the end, I was home by 10. It was a good day.

Because it's Friday?

2010-03-12T08:57:00.003-06:00

I really feel like I need to update this blog. Unfortunately, I don't really have anything to say.

I ordered an iPod Nano. Refurbished, so I didn't have to pay full price, but it's still the newest model. It was being shipped from China. Estimated delivery date is Tuesday, but it's already on the truck for delivery. Of course, I didn't leave the authorization form on the door, so the FedEx driver won't just leave it, sadly. It requires a signature. *sigh* I really wanted to play with it this weekend. I wonder if they'll attempt delivery on Saturday? I hope so.

I've been excessively emotional lately. There's a lot going on in my life lately, and it's hard to cope with. My body is trying to find any outlet it can to let some of those feelings go. It's not cool when you almost start crying over something as stupid as getting an answer wrong at Pub Quiz.

A lot of my questions about my crazy life should be answered on Monday when I meet with an endocrinologist (see my post titled "Why my day is weird" for details). It feels wrong to be thinking this way, but what I'm most afraid of is finding out that I in fact DON'T have Cushing's, and that everything wrong with me is a result of being overweight after all, and I'll have wasted a lot of time and money figuring that out. And that wouldn't answer any questions about my headaches. But based on my symptoms and lab results, it's likely that I do have Cushing's, and I'm also a little afraid of what's going to happen next.

There's a lot of uncertainty in the air.

In the Mood for a Monday

2010-03-08T10:44:00.002-06:00

There's a hangnail on my pinky finger that's trying to kill me. This irritates me.

There's a charge on my bank account from Match.com from an "auto-renew" feature that I don't remember signing up for. They didn't even bother to give me a heads-up that it was going to be charged. This makes me angry.

I only got an hour or two of sleep last night. Up late for the Oscars and had a hard time falling asleep. This makes me crabby.

So, suddenly (thanks to match.com), I'm an irritated angry crabby-pants. I hate everything and everyone. Even that adorably cute little lobster doll sitting by my monitor that's smiling up at me. I hate that stupid thing, too.

I hate that my coffee is cold, but I don't want to get a whole new cup because I know I won't drink it all.

I hate that there's not a lot on my to-do list today. There's plenty I can work on, but I'm having a hard time building up the energy to work on something that doesn't have a pressing deadline.

I hate things that are made of leather. Not for any PETA-related reasons, mind you. It's just that the last few leather products I've worn have smelled like fish. I guess they're treated in some sort of fish-related oil or something along those lines. Still, I made a necklace on Saturday on a leather cord. Couldn't wear it out to dinner because the stench from the necklace would have interfered with the delicious smells and flavors of my food. Stupid leather. I know now to sniff everything leather before I buy it.

I hate that the package of Cadbury Mini Eggs I bought this weekend was only large enough to fill the candy dish on my desk once. I thought I'd be able to replenish it later this week.

I hate that I'm craving tacos.

See? This just isn't cool. Bad moods suck.

Why My Day is Weird, or: Beware the Ides of March

2010-03-05T15:42:00.002-06:00

Today is weird. It didn't really start out weird. It's just weird now.

As you may or may not know, I've been going to the doctor a lot lately. It started out because I was having a lot of headaches. Bad ones. Then my doctor was concerned about my blood pressure. It was suddenly much higher than before. I went in a few weeks later, and while my blood pressure had dropped slightly, it was still high - and for someone who has a history of heart disease on both sides of her family, my doctor was naturally concerned. I started taking a beta blocker medication because in addition to lowering my blood pressure, it was also supposed to help suppress migraine headaches.

I kept getting the headaches. My blood pressure isn't back to normal, despite taking the medication for five months now. I've gained a lot of weight in the last year or so. While that isn't necessarily out of the ordinary for me, it still raised some questions with my doctor.

He wanted to see if I might have something called Cushing's syndrome. It's caused by an elevated amount of cortisol in the body. To test for this, I had to collect my pee for 24 hours. Reading up on the symptoms of Cushing's, I realize that I have a LOT of them. Almost all of them.

My doctor called me today with the results of the pee-collection test. I had more than three times the normal amount of cortisol in my system, which is indicative of Cushing's. He explained that this is caused by some sort of malfunction in my pituitary gland and/or my adrenal glands. They're not talking to each other correctly and somehow they're causing too much cortisol to be produced. The next step is to get my blood drawn to test the levels of ACTH (don't ask what it is, I have no idea), and that should be able to narrow it down to my pituitary or adrenal glands. Then I need to meet with an endocrinologist to figure out what to do next.

I realized, after I got off the phone with the appointment scheduling lady, that I scheduled that appointment on the Ides of March. Maybe not the best, but I already have an appointment about my blood pressure for the same day, and I really don't want to have to get out to the clinic again.

So... this whole thing is weird. If I do, in fact, have Cushing's, it would answer all the questions about what's been wrong with me lately. I always just assumed it was because I'm overweight, and if I just sucked it up and lost weight, my problems would correct themselves. But now I'm beginning to wonder if that would have worked at all, since this is really something out of my conscious control. But if it means that, after treatment, I won't get these stupid headaches anymore? That would be awesome. If it means I don't have to take so many pills every day, that would be awesome, too. Based on my reading, I might have to continue taking something to regulate the cortisol in my body, but that's something to worry about later. Let's figure out if I even have Cushing's before we start thinking about what's going to happen after.

I'm kind of scared. I've never been this kind of sick before. I've never needed to see a specialist. My doctor told me I'm an interesting case - usually people who get Cushing's aren't heavy to begin with. But it would answer so many questions...

Why I Hate Money (and Why I Wish I Had More)

2010-03-04T10:01:00.002-06:00

For the last few years, I've gotten a rather sizable bonus from work around this time of year. This year, economy being what it is, I got a significantly smaller bonus. I never realized how much I took that bonus for granted until I made that list of things I want to do in the next 10 years. Assuming I would get nothing this year, I started saving to protect myself from going completely broke.

Now I'm realizing, not even three months into the year, that I've started a good thing, because my body is falling apart and health care costs money - even if you have insurance. I got an echo-cardiogram a couple weeks ago. I just found out that I have to pay for the whole thing because it applies toward my deductible, which I certainly haven't yet met for the year.

So, there's my first unexpected expense of the year. That expense? Just a little shy of the bonus I received this year.

What does this mean for me and my plan? Back to square one. Like it never happened, and I go back to never getting a bonus in 2010. Back to the saving machine. I hate that I have to think about this stuff all the time.

Here's why I wish I had more money: I want things. I'm still planning on that trip to Vegas for my birthday in the fall. But right now? I want an iPod.

Yeah. I know. I hate the whole "i-whatever" thing. I've said it a hundred times. But my main mp3 player is on the fritz. It hates me. The buttons don't work half the time, and I'm surprised it still plays music. And it's a dinosaur. The screen isn't even in color! The more I look at the iPod Nano (the fancy new ones that shoot video), the more I want one. I like all of its features. Does anyone know of a similar device that's not an Apple product (preferably available in a 16GB version)? Bonus points if it comes in awesome colors like the Nano.

With all the traveling I have planed for the near future, it would be really helpful to have something like this. Something small and shiny, but able to hold a lot of music and a few episodes of some TV shows. I wants it.

About the last few days...

2010-03-03T08:48:00.002-06:00

I took last Friday off work. It wasn't for vacation or anything fun like that. It was planned, so it wasn't supposed to be because I was sick. Of course, I was sick.

It was just supposed to be a regular, relaxing day. I was going to sit at home and collect my pee to test to see if I have Cushing's disease. I decided to eat Chinese food for lunch.

And then something horrible happened. About 3 or 4 hours after I finished eating that Chinese food, it came back to haunt me. I was violently ill for the rest of the day and into the night. I couldn't even drink water. I lost 10 pounds.

It's been a long time since I was that sick. I think the last time was when I was in high school. I hate being sick.

After the big sick of Friday night, I was still nauseous the rest of the weekend. I felt well enough to go to a friend's house for brunch on Sunday, but I limited myself to eating toast. I still wasn't feeling awesome.

Monday, I went back to work. That was foolish. I should have stayed home. Every time I ate or drank something, it caused a stomach cramp that would then lead to a wave of nausea pouring over my belly. Nothing ever came of it, but it was very uncomfortable, and I left work early. I felt better on Tuesday, but after lunch the same thing started happening. Last night for dinner I limited myself to toast and applesauce, and I think that really helped me. This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and well, and I haven't really been nauseated all day. So far. I plan on still eating a very basic lunch (maybe graduating to a bagel and a banana), and I've been drinking Gatorade to rehydrate.

My goal is to be back on a normal (for me) diet by the end of the week.

Things I Like

2010-02-24T13:03:00.002-06:00

I like spearmint flavored gum.

I like blue ball-point pens, and tend to get sad when the good ones go missing.

I like meeting deadlines.

I like movie theater popcorn.

I like the smell of crayons.

I like watching nature programs in HD.

I like staying home on Saturday nights and watching guilty-pleasure movies on cable.

I like Domo.

I like the random collection of plushie sea creatures on my desk.

I like saltine crackers. Plain or in soup.

I like shaking the toner cartridge for my printer when it's running low.

I like watching people hock their stuff on Pawn Stars.

I like Mike Doughty's song "I Hear the Bells."

I like the pictures I can see on my desk at work: one of my dad playing the organ, one from my mom's wedding, one of my friends from college on our spring break trip to San Francisco, and a few pictures of two of my nephews (which seriously need to be updated).

I like baseball.

I like shiny beads organized in fishing tackle boxes.

I like grocery shopping with my roommate.

I like learning how to cook, but I still don't like cleaning up afterwards.

I like that the person in the cubicle next to me just said, "Is there anything I can assist you with? I am his assistant," to the person who called.

I like making lists.

Ow.

2010-02-18T09:41:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it's been almost a week since I posted here. That's really not like me. Especially when there's so much going on in my life this week.

I had Monday off for President's Day, which was awesome. I figured, since I had the day off, that it would be a good day to get my annual physical exam. Yippee! Or something like that. A few days before the appointment, I got a letter in the mail telling me that I didn't need to fast for the physical, and that it would only take about a half hour.

Half hour my ass. I was there for over two hours. It wouldn't have been nearly that long if they didn't leave me sitting in the exam room for 45 minutes wearing nothing but a thin gown that barely closes in the back. Of course, this happens almost every time I go to the doctor's office, so I should really stop being surprised when it happens.

But the other reason it took so long was because some issues came up. My doctor has been concerned about my heart for the last six months or so. I've got high blood pressure - while not typically unusual for my family, it is unusual for me to have developed it so young. I'm on medication for that, and it hadn't really gone down very much since the last time I had been in. So the doc upped my dose. But he was also concerned about my heart rate, which was elevated. Also not common for someone who is not quite 30 years old. So I got an EKG. It actually showed a normal heart rate, but raised another question - something about the thickness of the muscle in the heart. I don't remember the term he used. But just in case, he ordered an echo-cardiogram. It's really just to check and make sure everything is ok.

Remember how the letter the clinic sent me said that I didn't need to fast? Yeah, that wasn't true, either. If I had fasted, I could have gotten my blood work done that day. Now I need to go back (no easy task - from my house, it takes 3 buses and over an hour to get to the clinic) and get some blood drawn for some test... not even sure what they're testing for anymore. I also need to collect my pee for 24 hours. That's gonna be awesome. (More details on the pee test later... that's worthy of its own post).

So, tomorrow I go in for my echo. I'm also going to do my fasting before then so that I can stop by the lab and get my blood drawn (which I hate - both the fasting and the blood thing). Yippee.

In other news, it's Olympics season! I tried to boycott the games this year (because of the plight of the women ski jumpers, but I just couldn't. I love the Olympics. I love the crazy sports like the biathlon and curling. I love the national pride (for all nations, not just my own), and I love seeing gold medal winners singing along with their national anthem.

Last night my parents had a few of us over for game night, and apparently I missed quite the night of Olympic goodness. Phooey on that.

Oh, remember when I went to the doctor's office the other day? I was due for a tetanus shot, and I finally got my flu shot and H1N1 vaccine. Now my arm hurts. Still. 3 days later. Grr.

Lastly, I've been noticing a lot of ice on the sidewalk by my house. I always leave the house from the back door (that's where I keep my shoes, and I don't want to go stomping through the living room when my roommate is sleeping below), and I walk down the sidewalk to get to the corner to wait for the bus in the morning. This morning, I looked down the sidewalk, saw the ice, then looked in the street, didn't see any ice, and decided that would be the safer path. First step into the street? Hit a patch of very slick black ice (didn't see it at all), slipped and fell smack onto my knee. I didn't damage anything too badly - my pants got a little wet, but they're fine now, and my knee barely hurt by the time I got to the bus stop. Of course, now the bruise is swelling up, and it really hurts.

Curse you, winter. Curse you and your icy death traps.

Happy Valentine's Day, Nobody!

2010-02-12T11:57:00.003-06:00

This post is going to be a bit of a rant. Just wanted to give you fair warning.

I used to describe myself as a hopeless romantic. I loved anything with a love story, and had countless fantasies where I found true love with the perfect man, and we'd live happily ever after. I just knew it had to happen to me some day.

Then I grew up. I'm still a sucker for a love story in fiction, but when it comes to myself, I've lost hope. One of the reasons I've decided to have my big birthday party in Vegas this fall is because I've convinced myself that I'm never going to have a wedding - you know, the day you get to dress like a princess and profess your love in front of your family and friends - and I want a day that's really all about me. I want to have a kid someday. Really. But I also have a hard time seeing myself as the single mom type, so I doubt it's going to happen because I'll never find a father for the little tyke.

I am now a skeptical romantic. Deep down, I want to believe that everything I thought of as a kid is true, and magic will still happen. But the realist in me knows that's never going to happen.

This brings us to the matter at hand: Valentine's Day.

*puke*

Sorry about that. It's just that we've been hit over the head so many times with how wonderful Valentine's Day is, and how great it is to celebrate the love you share for your partner with a special day filled with candy and flowers and... all that magic crap I dreamed of as a kid. Except it's all hogwash. We're hit over the heads with it because it's all about money. The candy companies and the flower companies and the diamond companies want you to buy into the implied necessity to shower your significant other with gifts. I mean, if your boyfriend doesn't buy you a diamond necklace for Valentine's day, he doesn't really love you, right?

Allow me to reiterate: *puke*

Yeah, presents are nice. I wouldn't reject that diamond necklace if someone gave it to me. But it sucks that presents are considered the norm.

You know what? I'm sick of Valentine's Day. I'm sick of people talking about Valentine's Day. I'm sick of hearing about the special things people are going to be doing for their husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of the wave of Facebook posts that say "change your profile pic to one of you and your significant other and say how long you've been together." I'm sick of all the stupid hearts everywhere - and I like pink! I just get overwhelmed by the bombardment of the color everywhere this time of year.

Here's a good one: I'm sick of seeing commercials on TV for online dating websites. Give me a freaking break.

I'm sick of it all. I'm even sick of the "alternatives" to Valentine's Day. Anything for the "single folks" on the day is just a slap in the face. "Aww, you're alone! That's so sad!" It's always pity, even if it's pity disguised as a party or a TV episode or something of the sort. I don't want a pity party because I'm single.

I'd probably feel differently if I were in a relationship. I'd probably have plans to go out to a nice restaurant instead of plans of staying home and watching the Food Network in my pajamas. But in my entire life, I've had one date on Valentine's Day. And that day was fine. Not ideal, but fine. But in the end, he dumped me later that week. And I hate that. I hate that that one incident makes me hate Valentine's Day even more - and rather than just supporting all my other Valentine's hate, it just flares up a whole new feeling inside. It's the feeling that says, "no, you're not so bad off that you can't find anybody - you're even worse because you can't hold on to the ones you do find." And then I hate myself because that guy was so not worth it.

So there. I'm going to shut up now before I make myself feel even worse.

In other news, I've decided that I like shrimp. As long as it is battered and fried to the point where it no longer tastes like shrimp.

Super Bowl Ads and Nifty Presents

2010-02-08T08:59:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was the Super Bowl. I wasn't too invested in the game itself because I didn't care, really, who would win. I was technically rooting for the Saints because it was their first Super Bowl, and New Orleans is a cool town. But I've always been a sucker for the other part of Super Bowl Sunday: the commercials.

I know. They're ads. I shouldn't like them. And I really shouldn't do a write-up of them in my blog summarizing my favorites because I'm just feeding into our money-driven, consumerist culture... but, well... I'm a sucker for a well-written ad.

My top 5 favorite ads, in no particular order (I'm giving them my own names because it's more fun that way):

Sad Intel Robot:

The "Be a Man" Car Commercial:

Betty White Gets Tackled:

Sappy Google Ad:

Pantsless Men Singing:

I think the Google one and the Intel Robot were my actual favorites, but overall I thought it was a lackluster year for Super Bowl ads. Maybe it's a reflection on the economy or something, I don't know. A lot of the commercials got a good laugh out of me, but that's because I was at a party with a room full of other people laughing. Had I been alone I probably wouldn't have laughed as much.

Oh, and an honorable mention goes to the Brett Favre in 2020 ad. No idea what that was a commercial for, but it was funny.

The other bit of my blog entry today is about presents. I'm coming up on my five year anniversary at work. Five years. That's a new one for me. I've never worked at a job this long before.

An email was sent to me so that I can pick a present to reward me for being a loyal employee. Of course, the email was automatically generated, and it triggered my spam filters. I almost didn't look at it because I assumed it was a scam, then I remembered that my first milestone anniversary was coming up. Sure enough, the link inside the email sent me to a page with a message from the company president (well, sort of... eh, that's a long story that's not worth getting into here) and a list of presents (jewelry, watches, backpacks, duffel bags, crystal glassware, a Shop Vac, a Dooney & Bourke wristlet, and a number of other fabulous prizes) I can choose from. This will be a tough decision.

I have narrowed it down to the "diamond" necklace shaped like a Triforce ("diamond" in quotes because they're so small you can barely see them), a "pearl" ring ("pearl" in quotes because it's cultured freshwater pearl), a watch, a nice Cuisinart saute pan, a cool-looking globe, or a telescope.

Pros and cons... let's look at the cons first. The ring might not fit my fat fingers. The necklace might not fit my fat neck. The watch might not fit my fat wrist. The pan isn't non-stick. The globe is just a globe and I don't have anywhere to put it. The telescope is probably poor quality and I probably won't use it.

Geez, maybe I should just get the Shop Vac. Or the home theater speaker system. Or the coffee pot. Or the big tool box. Or the Swiss Army knife.

Ack. I need to think about this.

A Small Step is Still Progress

2010-02-05T10:02:00.002-06:00

Baby steps. That was what I kept telling myself when I started this whole "new outlook on life" thing in 2010.

We are now more than 1 month into the new year. Let's take a look at some of the financials:

As most of you know, I slipped a bit in the end of January with the eating out and the whole concept of not-spending-money. Baby steps. Overall, for the month of January, I spent more than $250 LESS than I spent in the month of December. This includes eating out, entertainment stuff, other stuff, AND bills, monthly obligations, transfers to savings, etc. Also, I made a number of charitable donations in January.

Conveniently, my online banking will show me my "spending report," which is where I'm getting all this information. It also breaks down how I spend that money, though it's not entirely accurate, as I tend to pay for my groceries with a personal check to my roommate (for example).

According to the spending report, my average monthly expenditure in restaurants (for 2009) was in the neighborhood of $500 (huh... if you do the math, that adds up to $6000!). January's restaurant expenditure? A mere $200. ($200 * 12 months = $2400 a year. That's considerable improvement. I wonder if I can get that monthly average down for the year... there's a fun goal!)

Retail/Department Stores (which I assume includes Target, where I shop the most on my own - but remember, this doesn't include groceries). Monthly average for 2009: $200 (spiked a bit in December due to Xmas). Total for January: less than $50. Bam. That's what I like to see!

In total overall spending, I really can see improvement. Online banking totals up all spending ("outflow") for the month, and my total for January was more than $500 less than the monthly average for 2009. And that includes money transferred to savings, so technically that money wasn't "spent."

I'm saving money, and I'm proud of myself for that. I really hope I can keep it up. I'm going to print out my 2009 end-of-year report and keep that so I can refer back to it a year from now. I'd love to see how much changes over the course of a year now that I've started to be more frugal in life.

I haven't been nearly as successful with the whole getting-healthy thing. But, I have a feeling that seeing my success with managing my finances will give me the confidence I need to change what's necessary to get myself healthified. I can do this.

Emotional Frequency

2010-02-01T09:30:00.004-06:00

Disclaimer: I took an acoustics class back in college. It was January, junior year (so... 2001). I don't remember anything. I don't even remember if we covered anything remotely related to what I'm about to talk about. So, please, bear in mind that this post contains very little science. What science you may find is likely inaccurate. Chances are, this entire blog entry is hogwash.

A quick bit of research (thank you, Google) shows that I haven't coined a new phrase. But I really don't care. I'm not trying to start a revolution or a movement or anything. This is just something that I've noticed about myself.

Sometimes, when I listen to music (or any sound, now that I think about it), a specific quality of sound will resonate with me in a way that makes it pleasing to me. It's more than just "hey, that sounds cool!" Certain sounds can be felt. And it's not always a pleasing sensation - when I have one of my headaches, I've noticed that there are sounds that make it hurt more. I figure this has something to do with acoustics and frequencies and all that. Like I said above, I remember squat from that class. But I know somewhere in my head that this makes sense.

I watched a movie last night (an animated movie that came out last year, 9, produced by Tim Burton) that elicited a very strong emotional response from me. It's a story about some robots in a post-apocalyptic world... I'm not going to get into it here, because that's not important (if you're interested, though, I do recommend it - it's worth seeing, even if the idea of the movie isn't altogether new). It may have had something to do with my mood at the time, but when I watched the movie, I just started crying. It wasn't particularly sad. I think it just hit the right emotional frequency for me.

You see, this isn't the first time this has happened. When I was a little girl, I watched the movie The Land Before Time and started crying about five minutes into it and didn't stop for about a day afterward. I was a wreck. I was a little puddle of tears on my living room floor. To this day, I can't watch that movie (even writing about it now is making me tear up a bit). It was the first movie I remember hitting me in this way, and it was the first of many. It's now at the top of the list of "Movies Becky Isn't Allowed to Watch" because it makes me cry that much.

Sometimes, of course, I need something to hit that emotional wavelength and trigger a flood of emotions. Times when I'm holding my feelings inside so that things don't seem so bad... if I don't let it out somehow, I turn into a pressure cooker of strong, bad feelings that releases in the form of a total nervous breakdown. Without the help of an "Emotional Frequency Movie," I'm hopeless.

It's not limited to movies, either. Episodes of TV shows (any episode of "Mercy," "The Body" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and "Jurassic Bark" from Futurama, to name a few), songs ("I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie), and books ("The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger) can have the same impact. Even some TV commercials can do the trick (there was an anti-smoking ad a while back that always got me... I'd post a link, but I can't find it in youtube).

Where was I going with this? I swear I had a point when I started. Oh well. There you have it. My theory on emotional frequencies. Sounds like hogwash, right? Think about it. Are there any movies (or shows or songs or whatever) that cause a surprising emotional reaction from you? Maybe I'm not full of it after all.

For the record, here are a few movies that hit my emotional frequency (otherwise known as the list of movies I'm not allowed to watch):
- The Land Before Time
- 9
- Nell
- The Notebook
- Wall-E
- Hook (Yes, the Robin Williams-Peter Pan movie)
- Big Fish
- Finding Nemo used to be on this list, but I've actually watched it enough times that it's not as bad anymore.

There are a number of other movies that still make me cry, but these are a few of the ones that make me a complete hysterical mess. It's sad, pathetic, and true.

In other news, I bought a belt over the weekend. It smells like fish.

Failure is an Option, Apparently...

2010-01-28T14:52:00.002-06:00

Remember that whole "I'm going to bring my lunch every day" plan I had? And how for the first two or three weeks of the year I was pretty good about it?

Yeah. This week, not so much. Today is Thursday. Let's do a little run-down of what I've had for lunch this week:

Monday: brought a Healthy Choice lunch, decided I'd rather have a BLT. With fries. But, man, that thing was good. I can eat the Healthy Choice lunch tomorrow.

Tuesday: still not thrilled at the idea of eating that Healthy Choice lunch. I want a sandwich. So I went to Subway.

Wednesday: Healthy Choice? More like Healthy Chump! I'm going to get a salad. Huh. That salad line is really long, but the pasta line is empty... I do get a salad with my pasta... yeah. Pasta it is.

Thursday: Who am I kidding? I want another BLT! (nom nom nom)

Yeah. Let's just say that this doesn't bode well for tomorrow. Or for any potential weight loss that might have happened this week. But who knows. I could surprise myself and actually be in the mood for that Healthy Choice thingy.

Also: I almost ordered Chinese food last night. I got home from Happy Hour a little buzzed and really felt like eating something salty and greasy. I don't have anything particularly salty and greasy in my house. But the thought of waiting for the Chinese food wasn't appealing at all, so I settled for a peanut butter sandwich, a pickle spear, and a 100 calorie pack of cheddar Chex Mix. So I guess that's a small victory.

Rut.

2010-01-26T11:34:00.002-06:00

I'm in a rut. I'm not happy. I'm happy with some of the changes I've made to my life, but that's not enough. There are bigger things about my life that don't make me happy.

Right now, the only things I truly enjoy are my TV shows (and only new episodes, apparently, because I had no idea what to do last night when "How I Met Your Mother" was a rerun) and planning my 30th birthday party in Vegas - which I can't even do properly right now because I don't know how much money I'll have or even which weekend the party will be. I don't think that's good. And this realization has put me in a very bad mood.

There are small things bugging me today, too. The socks I'm wearing keep sliding off my heels and into my shoes. I've got a headache. I'm either too hot or too cold depending on whether or not I'm wearing the fleece jacket I keep at my desk.

But those are just little things. There are big things.

I'm tired of my job. I'm not tired of the people I work with, or even the place where I work. I'm sick of the actual work that I do every day. I'm not very motivated - the only reason things get done is because I'm a stickler for deadlines. I want more responsibility, but at the same time, I'm afraid that my lack of motivation will carry over to new tasks I might learn, and then I won't really learn them very well and I'll no longer be good at my job. Because I like the fact that I'm good at my job right now. The problem is, I'm also too good for my job. And now I've grown used to it.

I've been talking about getting my MBA for a long time now. You know, getting those promotions that are currently out of reach and becoming "The Man" and all that. Except... do I really want that? Or do I just think I'm interested in things like finance because it would be a good idea for my career? My student loan debt is finally under $10,000. Do I really want to see that go back up for a degree I don't even really care about?

Yesterday, a friend and I were joking about going back to school to get a degree in meteorology because we like talking about the weather. The University of Minnesota does not have a graduate program in meteorology (which is surprising, considering how popular a topic weather is around here), but my friend said that the University of Utah (where she lives) does. And instead of just brushing it off, I actually went to the University of Utah website and looked up the degree program and what their application guidelines were. Not that I particularly want to leave Minnesota and move to Utah, but it was the idea of change that appealed to me.

You know what I really want to do? I want to write for TV. I don't want to write about TV or write reviews of TV. I want to write TV itself. I want to be a television writer. I don't know how to get into that business, though. I don't even know where to begin. For novels, sure, I know where to begin. But TV? I don't even know how to format a TV script. So, what, do I go back to college for TV writing? Can I do that here in MN, or do I have to move to LA or New York? And is it worth turning my whole life upside down for a career that I'm sure is very competitive and probably unlikely to make a decent living with? Did that last sentence even make sense? Why do I think that I can be any kind of writer?

Yeah. That's what's going through my head today. And, to make matters worse, it's Tuesday and I've already eaten out twice this week. The lunch I brought yesterday is still sitting in the overhead bin at my desk. *sigh*

Ah, Football, or Brett, You've Got it Going On

2010-01-25T09:11:00.002-06:00

A few weeks into the football season this year, when the Vikings were still undefeated, I thought to myself (and may have spoken it aloud) that the Vikings would make it to the NFC championship game only to blow it in the end. They are, after all, the Vikings. They are a Minnesota pro sports franchise. They are champions of disappointment.

I really only started getting into football this year. I watched a few games last year, and I've been to a couple games at the Dome. But this year, thanks largely in part to HDTV, I really got into the Vikings. I watched most of the games. This year, I became a real fan.

Last night's game - the NFC Championship game - was easily the most intense, exciting, and heartbreaking game I've ever seen.

We had it in the bag. Tie score, in possession of the ball in field goal range with seconds left on the clock... and BAM! Interception. Yet another red-zone turnover.

I don't blame you, Brett. Especially after how beat up you got in that game (especially considering none of those hits were actually sacks). I think it was a poor decision at that point in the game, but it's not your fault that the Vikings lost. I blame Butterfingers Baloo (formerly known as Adrian Peterson). And I'm a little peeved with Percy Harvin (I had your back, man) for following Butterfingers' example. The whole point of the game is to HOLD ON TO THE FRIGGIN BALL!

Sorry, got a little carried away there. I apologize.

So, Brett, I hope you decide to come back for one more year before you retire. Clearly, something is working right with you on the team if they were able to get so close to the Super Bowl. I'm sad it didn't happen this year, but I have hope that next year will be different.

Oh, and in other news, I'm now down 8 pounds. 3 cheers for baggy pants!

Hungry!

2010-01-21T13:41:00.002-06:00

No, that title does not refer to how I feel right now. I was thinking about a recent line of Weight Watchers commercials, featuring a furry little guy named "Hungry." Like in this commercial:

Cute, isn't he? I want one. So I started doing some research. Apparently Weight Watchers sold them at their meeting locations last year, but they were discontinued due to a recall. There's no information on whether or not they'll start selling them again.

The thing is, I really want one. Really. I have a thing for adorable monsters. You already know about Domo (and if you're friends with me on Facebook, you've seen some of his adventures). I also have a little guy named Schmorg (sorry I don't have a better link for him - that was all I could find - I picked him up at Target at the after-Halloween sale). And, my favorite monster doll of all, Razzie, who I can't find anywhere on the internets (yet - I'm going to keep looking, I'm frustrated now). You see? Hungry would be a wonderful addition to my collection.

So, please, keep your eyes peeled. Let me know if you see anything about a Hungry doll for sale!

Mercy Me

2010-01-20T21:14:00.002-06:00

As you may or may not know, I'm addicted to television. I'm one of about four people out there who regularly watches the new hospital drama Mercy. (Honestly, I'm surprised it hasn't been canceled yet, but after all the shenanigans NBC has gone through lately, maybe one show's poor ratings aren't really at the forefront of their mind). But right now, other than American Idol, it's the only show I watch on Wednesday nights (until next week, when new episodes of Psych start up again - moving away from Friday, which pleases me immensely).

I have a love/hate relationship with Mercy. I enjoy the show. I like the characters. I like the writing. But I hate that every single week, without fail, the dang show makes me cry. Horribly cry. But that's really not why I'm writing about it now. I'm writing about this show because of one of the story lines from tonight's episode. There was a patient in the hospital who was in a coma for ten years, and he woke up.

This really made me think about things. A lot of things. Ten years. I've been thinking about decades a lot lately - just look at my blog posts from the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010. Ten years is a big deal, a big milestone. I have a lot planned for the next 10 years.

What would you do if you woke up and learned that ten years have passed? What do you think would stick in your mind? Family aside, who do you hope you will remember? Anything you hope you'll forget?

It's interesting to think about, really. And part of me wonders what sort of world events would transpire, and what kind of changes those events would create for the people in my life. Of course, there's no way to predict what could happen. You can't expect the unexpected, or else it wouldn't be unexpected. Sometimes, though, it's fun to imagine what could happen. Fun. Or scary.

Two Weeks Later

2010-01-19T08:38:00.003-06:00

It's been two weeks since I started my efforts to become healthier. I've brought my lunch to work most days, and haven't ordered pizza or eaten out very much at all in the last two weeks. I've saved more money than I thought I would (yay!), and I've found a lunch routine that works for me. I'm eating the most well-balanced diet in my life... at least, in my adult life. Back when I lived with my parents, we ate pretty well.

So far, two weeks into my little adventure, I've lost six pounds. That's pretty dang good, considering I only worked out one of those 14 days, and that was only for 15 minutes. I'm going to gradually integrate the exercise into my daily routine, because I know that getting myself into shape will help form a more all-around healthy me.

You may not be able to tell by looking at me (after all, six pounds is nothing on someone as heavy as I am), but I have started slimming down. Of course, it's all from my lower gut.

My what, you ask?

My "lower gut." As you all know, I'm a Big Girl. I have everything you'd expect me to have - big thighs, hips, butt, chubby ankles and feet, and humongous arms. But the part about me I hate the most is my gut, which is divided into two distinct parts: my upper gut and my lower gut. The equator, if you will, of my gut is my waist line where I've always worn my pants. I've just sort of... grown around it. I hate my upper gut. It's normal for women to have a lower gut - we're naturally built with more fat there to help protect the special woman parts inside there. But nothing in my upper gut needs added protection, and that's really what I want to get rid of. But as I looked at myself in the mirror today, I realize that my upper gut hasn't changed in the last two weeks, but my lower gut looks smaller. Of course, this just works to further emphasize my upper gut, which gives me a very pronounced "muffin top." It looks like I'm wearing pants that are too small for me, since part of me is ballooning out of the waist, but really, that's not what's going on here. I actually need a belt. Over the weekend my jeans were practically falling off. The khaki pants I'm wearing today are a bit on the loose side, as well, though thankfully I don't need additional help holding them up. My hips are good for something, thank goodness.

You get the idea, right? Of course, the apparent shrinking of my lower gut is probably all in my head. After all, it's only six pounds... but I like to think it's making a visible difference. In any case, I'm really starting to feel good about myself, and the changes I'm making.

Now, if only I could find an answer to why I haven't been sleeping well...